Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Super Silver Pop Quiz!

The Showcase Presents Superman Volume 2 is so chockful of silverage madness, I can only read one, maybe two stories at a time. It's like... like reading cane sugar directly into your brain. No wonder the generation that read this stuff grew up to dress like they did in the 1970s.

Let's have a little fun with this volume. I'll give you quotes from it and you'll have to guess who said them, and if possible to whom and why. NO FAIR looking in the book itself! You have to rely on your own facility for "Silver Age logic".

  1. "While you're at it, why don't you rub noses? Haven't you ever heard of kissing a girl on the lips?"
  2. "I -- I need time to think! We mustn't rush into a hasty marriage we might both regret later!"
  3. "I daren't be seen without a hat. Luckily, it's customary for reporters to wear hats ... even indoors at work!"
  4. "Don't be so impulsive; this room is full of evil-smelling vapors!"
  5. "Who do you think you are, Mr. Mxyzptlk, the silly sprite from the 5th dimension who goes back to his world only if he says his name backwards?"
  6. "I wanted to learn first-hand if you are as wonderful as reported. Frankly, I am not disappointed!"
  7. "I captured Superboy through his sheer dumbness!"
  8. "Get out, you midget burglar, before I call the police!"
  9. "Jonathan is a quiet-spoken young farmer who loves the girl, but he's getting severe competition from Gregg Halliday, a handsome smooth banker, who recently arrived in Smallville. The pity of it is that the banker is really a swindler who has hidden stolen bonds in a secret hiding place inside that statue of himself."
  10. "Lois thinks Clark is a weakling! No romance is possible between them unless I first make her admire Clark!

Remember; no peaking!

15 comments:

Blockade Boy said...

So that's where Chris Claremont gets it from. (#9, especially, is so utterly expositio-tastic it blows my very mind.)

My guesses:
1. Lois, to Clark and maybe a mystery lady who would turn out to be his cousin, Supergirl.
3. Superman, after Red Kryptonite gave him some kind of kooky temporary deformity on his noggin.
4. I haven't the slightest but I just wanted to offer my sincere thanks for bringing it to my attention.
7. Young Lex?
8. Criminy. Lois? And is the "midget burglar" Superbaby?
9. No idea, but could this be information given to a time-traveling Superman about his own foster father?
10. Maybe Jimmy, for God only knows what twisted reason.

Scipio said...

You are close on 1, 7, 8, and 9.

As for 4; sorry. I had chili for lunch.

3 is Clark, not Superman, but that will do. He'd grown a third eye on the back of his head. Yes, really,

Scotto said...

Actually, #9 is the only one I know for sure, from recent blogposts (and their time-sucking linkages). So I wont' give it away, despite my one and only chance for blogfame.

#10: Jimmy. Or Kara.

#3: Lex Luthor, brilliantly disgusing himself as a reporter by means of a hat.

juvenal said...

1) Lana Lang
2) Superman
3) Brainiac. The nodules on his head would be a giveaway, the green skin? Whatevs! (Oops, I just read comment #2. Nevermind.)
4) Jimmy Olsen, taking Lucy Lane back to his apartment.
5) Lois, hopefully to Jimmy.
6) Jimmy Olsen - to Superman.
7) Lex Luthor speaks the truth.
8) Perry White
9) One of the Legionnaires travelling back in time to make fun of the cavemen again.
10) Krypto. What a pal!

Scotus said...

1. Lois to Clark, giving him tips on how to score with Lana.
2. Superman to Lois, after the crafty minx somehow tricked him into proposing to her.
4. Superman to Jimmy because...Jimmy was about to do something impulsive in a room full of vapors? I don't know.
5. Superman, upon meeting someone else from the 5th Dimension. (Or Bat-Mite.)
6. Some super-powered or alien chick who had a crush on Superman.
10. Clark to himself, annoyed that Lois only has eyes for Superman.

I'd like to see an Elseworlds book based on number 9, though: "In a reality where Jonathan just couldn't close the deal, it's Gregg and Martha Halliday who find young Kal-El. Twenty years later, Clark Halliday moves to Metropolis and becomes its greatest villain!"

DrObviousSo said...

2)Jimmy to some throw away character?
4)Supes to Lois, after she reminds him she wants to marry him
8)Batman and Robin.... training...
10)Seems like a Mr. Mxyzptlk to me, always trying to make Supes' life 'better'

Scipio said...

1. It is Lois.
2. Nope; not Superman!
3. Beware the Third Eye of Superman
4. Why does everyone automatically associate evil-smellin vapours with Jimmy Olsen?
5. Nope; not Superman.
6. Hmm. Technically, yes, but...
7. Yep; old Lex captures Superboy. Don't ask.
8, 9, 10. Oh, you're getting COLDER!

Sleestak said...

4. Sales floor, Big Monkey Comics?

Eyeball Kid said...

1 Lois Lane to Superman
2 Lori Lemaris to Superman
3 Clark Kent/Superman to self
4 Drawing a complete blank
5 Jimmy Olsen to Clark Kent
6 Bizarro Lois to Superman
7 Lex Luthor to Superman
8 Lois Lane to...midget burgler disguised as child.
9 Jor-El to Superman.
10 Lori Lemaris to self (or possibly nearby fish)

Scipio said...

1 Lois Lane to Superman
3 Clark Kent/Superman to self
8 Lois Lane to...midget burgler disguised as child.
9 Jor-El to Superman.

The above are correct!

Jonathan Miller said...

Well, 10 is Supergirl, from (I think) that wacky romance issue where she winds up setting him up with someone who looks exactly like her.
Is 2 Lori Lamaris?
I would have said 4 was Superman to Lois, but I think you've already said it wasn't Supes, so...I don't know, Perry, maybe?
My guess for 6 is Lois in disguise, trying to fool the man with x-ray vision.

I think everything else has been guessed, right?

The Eyeball Kid said...

No, I remember! #10 is Krypto, to himself!

Scipio said...

And the answers are...

1. "While you're at it, why don't you rub noses? Haven't you ever heard of kissing a girl on the lips?"

Lois to Superman, when he won't kiss her on the lips

2. "I -- I need time to think! We mustn't rush into a hasty marriage we might both regret later!"

Lois to Superman. Yes, really

3. "I daren't be seen without a hat. Luckily, it's customary for reporters to wear hats ... even indoors at work!"

Clark, having grown a third eye as a result of red kryptonite.

4. "Don't be so impulsive; this room is full of evil-smelling vapors!"

Clark to Lois as she blunders through an Aztec temple.

5. "Who do you think you are, Mr. Mxyzptlk, the silly sprite from the 5th dimension who goes back to his world only if he says his name backwards?"

Perry (putting the editor in editor's note)to Clark, who'd just turned in an entire article written backwards.

6. "I wanted to learn first-hand if you are as wonderful as reported. Frankly, I am not disappointed!"

Supergirl (disguised) to her cousin, Superman. CREEPY>

7. "I captured Superboy through his sheer dumbness!"
The adult Lex Luthor. "Dumbness"?

8. "Get out, you midget burglar, before I call the police!"

Lois to a midget burglar.

9. "Jonathan is a quiet-spoken young farmer who loves the girl, but he's getting severe competition from Gregg Halliday, a handsome smooth banker, who recently arrived in Smallville. The pity of it is that the banker is really a swindler who has hidden stolen bonds in a secret hiding place inside that statue of himself."

Jor-El to Superman. Apparently there was no TV on Krypton, so Jor-El used to spy on Smallville.

10. "Lois thinks Clark is a weakling! No romance is possible between them unless I first make her admire Clark!

Yep; Krypto to himself.

David Thiel said...

I loved "I captured Superboy through his sheer dumbness!"

I've read too much of the book to play, but I wanted to share a few of my own favorites:

* "Faces! Faces rushing at me...with the speed of rockets! Faces! Faces!! Faces!!!"
* "That's the best telepathic news I've heard yet!"
* "Gentlemen, if there's one man I can trust to enter the palace and not assassinate me, that man is Cosmic Man!"

And my absolute favorite:

* "That Lois burns me up! She's not even looking at me...or my fake arm!"

Is it just me, or is that the most pathetic moment of Superman's career: burying himself up to his neck in beach sand with a fake rubber arm poking out on the off chance that Lois Lane might attempt to feel his muscles?

Scipio said...

* "Faces! Faces rushing at me...with the speed of rockets! Faces! Faces!! Faces!!!"

Yeah, that's the one where he dreams he's trapped on the cover of a Marvel comic.