Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Barry's Lifestyle

Oh, I've heard the rumors. They've been circling ever since Barry came back in the last issue of Infinite Crisis.

But I don't believe them. Nope.

So what if Barry's engagement to Iris was .... two years long?
"I just LOVE jewelry, Iris! And I'm glad you don't mind waiting for ... so many things."


So what if they couldn't have children until Barry had access to 30th century marital aids?

Thank goodness Iris doesn't suspect your special feelings for Green Lantern, indeed.

Iris was completely unaware of these baseless rumors and if she had heard any, she would have found nothing out, because, after all, she is a reporter in the DC universe, who are incapable of noticing the glasses on the ends of their noses, but are very good at getting kidnapped and falling off buildings. Besides, she lived in Central City, and spent most of her time just getting from Point A to Point B.

Really, Barry? What part?


Then Iris died. For a while. How convenient. What did Barry do without her?

When you live in Central City,
borrowing in the JLA teleporter makes assignations with young husbands a snap.



Anyway, while Iris may have been immune to rumors because she was a crack reporter, Fiona Whatsername was rather a modern broad, and knew her pink from her fuschia.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Fiona, and why are wearing my coat?"

Whatever happened to Fiona after she got too close to Barry and suspicious about his, um, lifestyle, and his weekends with Hal Jordan? Oh, that's right...

she died.

Oh, and those strange rumors about Elongated Man's ... social evolution? I don't believe those either!"Not so fast, Ralph!"
"I was just about to ask you the same thing, Barry..."

11 comments:

Jeff R. said...

Central City is getting worse, by the way. Judging for Nightwing's OYL apartment, they've annexed New York.
(And he can get that thing, with a view, with a lousy C-note deposit?)

Michael said...

I first read this:

"... I have a special feeling for my fellow Justice League member!"

as this:

"... I have a special feeling for my fellow Justice Leaguer's member!"

Chance said...

BWAH HA HA HA!

You're the panel scan master.

Typolad said...

Glad to see my "swinger" panel making the rounds. I'm saddned that I missed some of those on my own read though.

J'onn J'onzz, Martian Manhunter said...

I thought Fiona just went mentally insane. Maybe she died in the Wally West series after Barry died.

Jim said...

There's a story in there I would've never thought to read. Thank you, Absorbascon. Thank you.

Chris Arndt said...

"Then Iris died. For a while. How convenient. What did Barry do without her?"

Zatanna, if I recall correctly.

Filthy McMonkey said...

I gotta stop reading this blog...every time I pick up a Silver Age comic I feel weird in my icky stuff.

methane said...

I'm pretty sure Zatanna shot Barry down. Most embaressing for Barry, since Scipio's already shown that Zatanna's not the most discriminating of women.

Poor Barry...noone understands your peculiar blend of old-fashioned values and, well, fear of women

C. Elam said...

Yes, I do believe Fiona was committed, but "would get better." I don't think anyone has ever brought her back, even to kill her off. Could be wrong though.

Interestingly, she gave Barry the cold shoulder for a long time, too.

Jon said...

Ralph has a giant freaking head in that last panel, there. I could probably wear that mask as a stylish cummerbund. With eye holes.