Saturday, March 22, 2008

It's comedy gold, I tell ya!

Okay, I have this great concept I want to pitch to DC!

It's great to have a big serious JLA, like we have now, but wouldn't it be cool to also have running with it concurrently a funny version, kind of like the JLI?

So, the hook would be that it's a sort of parody of the old Justice League Elite series or even *snort* Extreme Justice. You know, where the Justice League decides,

"Hey, we're not busy enough with out own lives of individual crimefighting and city-saving, and our monthly joint venture to save the world from Kanjar Ro or the like, so we need to go out and LOOK for people to beat up."

See, that idea is already funny. Just like it was in Justice League Elite. And Extreme Justice. And the Outsiders. Even when the writers didn't
know it was funny.

But how can I make it believable? I mean, who in the Justice League is stupid enough to try to pull that concept off (AGAIN!), without my being accused of mischaracterization? The kind of person who'll rush off without fear and throw himself head-first into any danger? Oh, wait, of course...


Hal Jordan.

Yeah, that'll work perfectly. But he'll need a second in command, somebody with some similar star power. Someone who's supposed to be there to keep him from acting rashly, and act as a counterbalance. But the funny part will be -- wait for it! -- that it'll be GREEN ARROW!

Bwa-ha-ha-hah! Oh, the hilarity that will ensue!

Then, just to make sure I don't completely trash their images, I'll surround them with a team of scrubs, the kind you usually don't find more than a mile from Dr. Thirteen. Batwoman, with her fabulous heels; no, I truly truly love her, but it's not like anyone else is going to use her. I'll need a gay guy for balance, so how about that really poorly dressed blue guy from Starman? The fashion-forward lesbian and the fashion-blind gay guy will make for hilarious irony!

And Ray Palmer, since, after having his image trashed in Identity Crisis and Countdown, there's really not much further harm that can be done. Besides shrinky guys are intrinsically funny, and when you throw in Jean Loring, The Wickedest Ex-Wife in the World, it's comedy gold.

Some others, as of yet undecided. Some Ugly Ducklings unwanted by the real iconic hero dynasties to which they belong. Freddie Freeman, maybe? You know, the hero who can't say his own name? Oh, and he's crippled! That's a double handicap, so he's in.... Triple, really, if you count being part of the Marvel Family!

In the same vein: maybe Supergirl? Nobody else knows what to do with her. Yeah, let's turn one of the most powerful beings on the planet loose to beat up suspects with no one but Hal Jordan and Ollie Queen to reign her in!

But I need someone else, again, intrinsically funny, like... like a gorilla (just like the laughfest of making Detective Chimp a gritty alcohol figure for
Shadowpact). Maybe my new favorite heroclix pog, Congo Bill/Congorilla? Nah! Too crazy! Besides, I genuinely like Congo Bill too much to put in him in such a stupid group.

So, tell me what do you think? It can't fail, right?

Wait, what's that, you say...? HE DID?!

Curse you, James Robinson for stealing my idea!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Ferris Aircraft

Having made a Heroclix map for the Flash & Co., I thought I should create one for the Green Lantern, too. Something aerial, to minimize the likelihood of his hitting his head.

Behold,
the map of Ferris Aircraft ... on a very busy day.


Click on map to see it in excruciating detail.

Looks like, while Green Lantern and Sinestro slug it out in the skies, Star Sapphire is focused on protecting Ferris Aircraft property with force fields. Why, it's almost as if she owned stock in the company! While the map certainly looks busy, there's really not a lot going on terrain-wise, because the map is entirely aerial; no non-fliers or objects allowed!

However, there are some obstacles up there in the wild yellow & green yonder. Clouds providing hindering terrain to lurk in and residual constructs from the battle (the hand, the boxing glove, and brick wall) serve as blocking terrain. I was going to include the helicopter as blocking/hindering terrain, but that would simply occupy too much of the map, so I left it "below", .


Because it's in the air, all your figures must be fliers or be carried by fliers. Of course, a Green Lantern can carry 8 passengers, so you might want to take advantage of that Team Ability! But that's pretty dangerous; knock out the flier and any of his passengers fall to their doom, er, I mean, their
KO.

I tried hard to get an aerial feel for the map by creating an impression of three-dimensionality; how'd I do? This was an experiment and I'm interested knowing in what you think worked well... .

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

  • Which was better: Hal getting konked by a piece of jewelry or Catwoman kicking him in the face?
  • Hey; the Supermobile!
  • "I see a hospital that's not going to destroy itself!" Priceless!
  • The unbroken cigar. Nice touch, Will Pfeiffer.
  • The best comic you probably won't buy this week.
  • "Can I touch your cape?" Adorable!
  • I really want to see a Two-Face/The Source team-up in Brave & the Bold.
  • Ah. The Return of Maxie Zeus. Bravo, Mr. Dixon.
  • Wow! Now THAT is Kanjar Ro.
  • Falling asleep on a date is pretty hardcore; particularly when you're on a rollercoaster.
  • Yeah, well, I've see enough of you, too, Metron.
  • Making popcorn? Oh, you're a smooth one, Tim.
  • The Ten-Cent Plague: have you read it?
  • So, that's what Ultraman is afraid of; that's amusing.
  • I appreciate MacDuffie's cleverness in reversing Meltzer's over-obvious set-up of "Hawkgirl will break Red Arrow's heart."
  • Infinity Inc.
  • Superman, Jack Bauer, and all the kids from Hogwarts.
  • "Is Anaxagoras your lawyer?" Oh, ye gods, I almost fell out of my chair laughing... .
  • Black Canary-in-a-box.
  • Superbreath. They always forget about the superbreath.
  • A shark-shaped submarine. Villains should always own thematically decorated submarines.
  • Aquaman defeats Amazo. Elegantly, I might add.
  • If Dan Garrett's recent appearance leave you with a hankering to see some original Blue Beetle stories... well, Mallet can cure of that right away!
  • That's one piece of jewelry I want to see the Catwoman steal for real.
  • So, wait; are Commander Flag and Roy Harper twins separated at birth? By a decade? Time for some fanfic!
  • Chuck Dixon; what's your opinion?
  • Darkseid! Looking hot! Are you doing Jennie Craig? Call me...
  • I really enjoy the art in Robin.
  • Aw, darn... I was kind of hoping the Godkiller would turn out to be Jean Loring, wielding a cosmic-powered cigarette stand.
  • That'll do it; appearances by Steve Lombard are now acceptable as long as his wrist gets broken.
  • The Jester League of America? This is automatically this best comic book I will read in June.
  • Arrow in the butt. Not enough of that in comics, I say. And, no, I don't mean Roy.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Why We Love the Phantom Stranger Some More 3


The Phantom Stranger has interesting hobbies. Like...

bondage ululation!


Really, Phantom Stranger is the part
Anderson Cooper was born to play.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Monday, March 17, 2008

Why We Love the Phantom Stranger Some More

Well, the Showcase Presents: The Phantom Stranger Volume 2 came out, and you know what that means: more lessons on Why We Love the Phantom Stranger.

Really, there are few characters odder than old PS. He should be called the Phantom StrangEST. No real name, no origin (and,
no, the "unfallen angel" story does not count), no consistent powers, no clear guidelines as to when he will or will not appear and/or act. In other characters, these would be flaws; in the Phantom Stranger, they are strengths. Along with the outfit. And "Rod Serling on 'shrooms" way of speaking.

Speaking of shrooms, one of the reasons we love the Phantom Stranger is that, well... you never quite know
what he's going to do. Maybe he's about to disappear or let loose with the cosmic zippity-zap; maybe he's just going to bitch-slap somebody across the room or start making out with some endangered hippy-chippy. Or maybe he's going to do....


THIS
What a joker! Last Halloween he came over and pulled this trick on some kids who rang my doorbell for treats. Nearly wet myself laughing. Then he ruined it all with some meandering series of bromides about "life not being what it seems" and "fraught with dangers for the unwary" and how that's "a lesson that may serve such youngsters well for they need to beware of ... strangers." Sigh. Of course.

See, just when you think you know him, he turns out to be... a stranger. Still, you know he totally had this poster in his college dorm room:

Can't you just see him, in the turtleneck and medallion, staring at the poster and practicing the Face-Melting Trick? All the while telling his roommate he's preparing "not to fear the face of Evil, but to teach it to fear the Face of Him", when really he's just doing it to get hippy chicks...