Monday, January 15, 2007

Why We Love the Phantom Stranger VI


I scoff at James Bond. James Bond is a WUSS compared to the Phantom Stranger. The Phantom Stranger is a true International Man of Mystery.


If the Phantom Stranger doesn't like you, he will beat the living tar out of you.

When miscreants have beards, you have to hit them extra hard.


And that is why he wears opera gloves.


Let's get ready to RUUUUUUUUUMMBBBBLLLLLLE!


If you have minions, they'd better have insurance,
'cuz when P.S. starts a-wailin' it's like an Act of God.

No P.S. beatdown is complete without a severe and haughty tongue-lashing.


"Unhand that tricapital ophidian, you miscreant!"


Nuff said!


Once he's done pummelling you half way to Jesus and back, then he'll steal your girl.




What are you going to do about it? Shoot him?

As if.


Then, once he's done with both of you, he'll do something so gratuitously, awe-inspiringly fabulous that Bond would simply wet his pants even to view it.


Now that is a man. In an opera cape.


What indeed.


I'm sorry, but anyone who can see that without wanting to have the Phantom Stranger's baby simply isn't human.


Words fail me.


And all of this is done, of course, in The Outfit, which no one else (certainly not James Bond) could carry off.


20 comments:

Crowded House said...

That's fantastic. Phantom Stranger's approaching Starman-level drama here.

And lady in the last panel, don't ever question P.S.'s wardrobe. Because now he's gonna have to take you down like that lion.

Allan said...

"I'm sorry, but anyone who can see that without wanting to have the Phantom Stranger's baby simply isn't human."

Well...Adopt maybe....

Ariel said...

When did writers start using Phantom Stranger like a wussier Watcher? He is so much more...virile, sexy, attractive, exciting...this way!

Scipio said...

I believe that happened after he lost his own series and became an occasional guest star in the JLA, where he was confined to passive walk-ons.

That period is the source of most people's impressions of the Phantom Stranger.

googum said...

I must confess, that later period is how I remember the Phantom Stranger. It would be nice to see him doing something, let alone doing something with his fists.

Between this post and Starman's 'applesauce' crack, the action quotient seems to be up lately. Hmm. Good.

joncormier said...

And thus, I am sold on the Showcase Presents: Phantom Stranger. I always knew he was awesome, I didn't know the half of it.

You know why he dresses like that right? He dares you to laugh at him.

SallyP said...

It's not easy carrying off an opera cloak, gloves and a hat, but by god, the Phantom Stranger does it. He also uses words like "miscreant", which is just cool.

CT said...

"If you have minions, they'd better have insurance,
'cuz when P.S. starts a-wailin' it's like an Act of God."

They shouldn't bother with the insurance. Acts of God are always ommitted.

Scipio said...

Touche, CT!

CalvinPitt said...

So the Phantom Stranger, was he steering that speedboat with just his right foot?

Or does he just turn the engine on and stand out there, trusting the boat to take him where he is needed?

I'm really not sure which answer would be cooler.

Scipio said...

"Or does he just turn the engine on and stand out there, trusting the boat to take him where he is needed?"

Yup.

Amazing, huh?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

But what does he do about the blood splattering on the opera gloves?

The Fortress Keeper said...

Bronze Age Phantom Stranger kicks mucho butt.

And did you see the Newsarama preview of Tad Williams' first issue of Aquaman?

He gives you a fat, old thanks on the splash page right along with Kurt Busiek.

You are officially most awesome.

Scipio said...

And did you see the Newsarama preview of Tad Williams' first issue of Aquaman?

I did. Tad's an extremely nice guy and very gracious! It's Tad, not me, who is awesome, and I hope you all tune it to see where he takes the Aquaman series.

Derek said...

If he reads this blog, maybe he actually "gets" Aquaman. That's reason enough for me to check it out.

*crosses his fingers for a scene with an archer octopus*

Dave said...

Wearing a hat on a plane is funny? Funny "ha ha," or funny... well, you know.

k26dp said...

"Unhand that tricapital ophidian, you miscreant!"

I will not rest until I can somehow work this quote into an everyday conversation.

Randy Jackson said...

Like most other fans, I'm used to the Watcher type Phantom Stranger we've seen since the 1970's (making his appearance in Blue Devil Annual #1, the "Summer Fun Spectacular" that much more fun). Watching him take down a Lion is truly an eye-opener.

Jacob said...

Oh, sure. When I just say in text that "He is a moderately skilled hand-to-hand combatant, often surprising with a punch someone who smugly thought their protection against magic rendered them untouchable," no one cares-- that site's been up for ten years(!) and that comment's never gotten a single reaction. You put up all these pretty pretty pictures (mmm... Aparo...) and get 18 comments!

Scipio said...

Seeing is believing, Jacob. C'mon; you have to SEE the panels with the lion and the speedboat to really get it.