Strap yourself in, Junior G-Men, masculine and feminine, for
in Pep #24's
|Formal Attire Required.|
In this story we learn that the Shield and Dusty live in a world where roulette wheels have more the one ball.
|A world made entirely of mixed metaphors.|
Our story begins with generically-named millionaire John Wayne casually losing a bunch of Oreos at the casino.
|Casinos do not take "IOUs", by the way. That why they use Oreos.|
But, as being classically Thrilling, So Debonair, and Reckless, John laughs it off.
|Sure impressed Cheryl, Betty, and Betty. Nothing says "marriageable" like a willingness to lose large sums of money without blinking.|
But, in truth, John's creamy smooth exterior hides a rough and crumbling inner self, like an inside-out Oreo.
But this is the Golden Age, where no good suicide should go to waste.
|If this were a DC comic, that hand would be wearing an opera glove and belong to the Phantom Stranger, and John would be about to get a very stern lecture.|
I must admit this part confuses me. I guess John Wayne actually brought a gun WITH him to the casino, which includes a Suicide Lounge among its amenities. Rich people, ammirite? We have to give the writer a break, it's hard to set up a situation where a stranger gets to interrupt a suicide.
Anyway, it's not the Phantom Stranger who stays his hand but some skeevy dude who says suicide is his business, like he's some sort of self-sacrificing Cool McCool.
|And he intends to make a killing at it.|
Mr. Skeevy begins his infomercial like a Golden Age Tom Vu.
|"Personal trifles." The only thing better than rich people is Golden Age rich people.|
Turns out this skeevy fellow with a dubious interest in John Wayne and even more dubious economic theories is named Reagan. Perhaps the Shield's world is more like ours than I thought.
|As the old saying goes, 'no man is more gullible than the man who has nothing to lose"|
Actually, John, you have a lot to lose. Your life; your wife; $25,000; that nice tux; and, if you just hang in there long enough, the opportunity to be reintroduced as a Batman's cousin at some point by E. Nelson Bridwell or Geoff Johns. But some people are gamblers by nature, so tomorrow John will join other similarly-situated men in a class inaction suite called ...