Friday, July 31, 2009

Black Hand Week 3: Black Hand's REAL power



Well, this is where we left Black Hand last time, looking straight out from the page and talking to someone named "Reader". What is that all about?

In addition to his awesome power of cliches, Olympic-level note-taking skills, and an 89-cent pen flashlight ("Flashlight? Flashlight! FLASHLIGHT!!!" see at 4:18) with which he sucked up morsels of Green Lantern energy like a leather-tanned old man searching for nickels with a metal detector on the beach, he had one other power. An amazing power. The most rare and unusual in all comics. The power of...

TRANSQUARTOMURALISM!


Yes, Black Hand was not only aware of his status as a literary character, he perceived the Fourth Wall and YOU ... AND he read your mind through it. Eat your heart out, Grant Morrison.

"The usual things. You know. Like villainizing in a business suit, in my personal LEGO shop."


Creepier than Alan Moore, weirder than Grant Morrison, able to violate the fourth wall in a single balloon... it's Black Hand.



I'll forgo the obvious "closet joke" below...

Mothers of Coast City: heed the warning signs of corruption. If your child hangs its clothes with the hangers facing the wrong way, kill it immediately. Society will thank you.

Even in defeat, he still had the power to violate the Fourth Wall, and what's even creepier...


He still does.

And the Absorbascon Award for Gayest Comic Book Cover Goes to...

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Things That Made Me Happy

... in my comics this week.

  • I always said Todd was well-rounded.
  • Superman is full, of, well, action. And lots of scenes.
  • I'm impressed she took the time to have the razor blade personalized.
  • Wonder Woman is a racist who only talks to white animals. What about Mammals of Color, huh?
  • Crabby King Chimera; has he met Zatara?
  • Zatara's suprising new old assistant.
  • "How do you think I'd look in a trenchcoat?"
  • Alice goes Demosthenes one better!
  • Roulette's opponent at cards.
  • The Mad Mod's makeover!
  • Can't wrap... head ... around ... Dr. Light + Guardian...!
  • Detective is so beautiful, I'd buy it even if I couldn't read English.
  • That's Atlas's boss? Uh-oh.
  • Miss Martian's three-inch heels.
  • "These boots seem completely impractical in a combat situation."
  • All-American Kid.
  • Heh. Steel must have learned that one from the Joker.
  • Wow; finally, a team the JSA doesn't simply overwhelm.
  • Atlas is evil... but really hot.
  • Kids; they always wind up stabbing you in the back.
  • Black Canary's Fun Closet. Yeah, I am so sure that stuff is for "undercover" work. More like "under covers".
  • Aquagirl to the rescue!
  • Tellus and Sodam.
  • I could watch Batwoman kick ass all day.
  • Zatara's big hat.
  • Abe Lincoln gets take-out.
  • I very much enjoy the swoopy thing, too.
  • Wait, did Black Canary just call Wonder Woman a lesbian? Snort.
  • Steel getting punched through not one, but two panel borders.
  • I love the fact that Alice is basically a nut with a gun. I just love Gotham City.
  • The Royal Flush Gang. Really, it doesn't matter what they're doing, because they are the Royal Flush Gang. But they are doing just what they are supposed to.
  • Dog versus Question.
  • Mark Merlin!?

Monday, July 27, 2009

Pep 29: Work the Runway!


Now THIS is more like it! Party at the Chinese Communist Party platform!

Oh, wait;this being in World War II, those are probably Japanese, aren't they? Darn. Well, in ten years, they'll be Chinese, and probably drawn the same way; you know what they say, "They're all drawn alike".

Judging from the layout of this melee, I can only assume that our heroes have decided to crash the catwalk at the opening of Rei Kawakubo's spring line.

Finally, the Hangman is doing something remotely useful, like feeling up Captain Swastika. Actually that's not the original Captain S; you can tell because he's not wearing the hideous color scheme from the previous Pep cover. It appears to be a black man with better fashion sense, replacing the original. Very progressive, those Nazis. Or perhaps by this point they were jealous of Jesse Owens... . Or maybe Captain Swastika is just being played by Morgan Freeman (who'll do anything for a buck).

The Shield, meanwhile, is making a highly uncharacteristic stage left entrance from above. Must be Dusty's day off. Explains why the Hangman stole his cape starch.

What th==?! It's the same lady in red from the cover of Pep 25. Who do you think you are, sweetie, Lois Lane? Well, Lo-lo knows better than to wear a red low-cut dress to dangerous places like prison yards and Japanese fashion shows. Might as well paint a bull's-eye on your forehead.