Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Captain America Week! Day Three: Basebomb

Yesterday, the evil-doer behind "Death Loads the Bases" was introduced: the Black Toad. He's the guy Marvel Central Casting sends out only when Matador, Leap-Frog, the Owl, the Orb, and Mister Fish are all busy elsewhere in other comics. And that's not often.


Naturally, Cap and Bucky locate him almost immediately. After all, he's right there in the park (though he doesn't need be), wearing an absurdly vespertilionine costume (particularly for some named the Black Toad), and peering at the game with glowing raccoon eyes (at least, that's what the caption said). Why not just sit in the stands in a business suit, like everyone else?

Anyway, like most of the kids reading this comic in 1941, Bucky can't take this Black Toad seriously as villain.

Whoa. Bucky took the full brunt of a baseball bat at the apex of a 270 degree swing by Toad's hired muscle. No wonder they said Bucky would never come back from the dead. Obviously, Bucky's skull is cracked like an eggshell and his brains are now splattered all over the place like Black Hand's at Easter dinner. Somebody get that understudy girl, Betsy Whatsername, into costuming pronto; the show must go on!


WHAT TH--?!?!! Who is this kid, the Hal Jordan of Earth-616?! Your head shouldn't feel like balloon, kid; it should feel like oatmeal. And not to you; to the coroner. A half-hour nap is what you need to recover from, say, a pomegranate cosmo (um..l mean... that's what they tell me). Getting bashed in the head with a baseball bat requires at least 24 hours of surgery by a rotating team of 9 brain surgeons, 3 months in ICU, and another 2 years in an institution learning to feed yourself again.

Whatever; this is Marvel, after all, where characters eat tragedy for breakfast and shit drama for the rest of the day. Cap and Bucky not only shake it off, but volunteer to take the places of the stricken (dead, really) ballplayers. Because, yeah, the game is still going to go on, because, yeah, ESPN's lawyers are that good.

But Cap will play only on one condition:

"I want Bucky for my catcher."
I am so sure, Mary.



This kind of child abuse is almost beyond the morals of even a baseball team owner. But the owner capitulates, particularly, since, ya know, Bucky's really into it:

Kids. Where do they get the energy? Sigh.


Anyway, all this is followed by what feels like 47 pages of Cap and Bucky being Really Good At Baseball, which I prefer to think of as 47 pages of Cap looking Really Ridiculous in a Baseball Uniform.

Once Cap and Bucky have duly impressed the kiddies with their baseballetic prowess, the Black Toad, who's still lurking around the stadium despite almost getting captured by a 15 year old boy, makes his move:

Wait... what? How on earth (even Earth-616) could Cap discern that a baseball is actually a bomb...?!


Oh. Um. Okay, then.

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Comments:
Bucky is Captain America's catcher.

...

Nope, no joke to be made there.
 
So Cap's got a B on his cap, but an A on his cowl.

That's bound to cause confusion.
 
To the tune of "I've Been Working on the Railroad:"

I want Bucky for my catcher
All the live-long day.
I want Bucky for my catcher
Just to pass the time away.

Don't you hear the whistle blowing,
Rise up so early in the morn;
Don't you hear the Captain shouting,
"Bucky, blow your horn!"

And I'd take you into the third verse, but this is a family-friendly site, after all.
 
It occurs to me that perhaps the Black Toad's costume is meant to hide his true appearance -- which is that of a ghastly black toad!

He might actually be an amazingly considerate fellow who is deeply concerned about our sensibilities.

As to why wear a cloak with bat ears ... er... it was on sale ...?

-- Rdaggle
 
Oh, so that's what Batman did to get rid of that bomb in the 60s movie.
 
Oh, so that's what Batman did to get rid of that bomb in the 60s movie.

LOL!
 
He's the guy Marvel Central Casting sends out only when Matador, Leap-Frog, the Owl, the Orb, and Mister Fish are all busy elsewhere in other comics. And that's not often.

I must point out that the ever-avuncular Tom has ordered custom clix of most of those guys from me; he only omitted the Owl because that one is supposed to be in the Hammer of Thor set (which will likely be released around the same time as Leonard Part 7).
 
this is a family-friendly site, after all.

SINCE WHEN????
 
I'll see your Matador and Leap-Frog and raise you a Steeplejack, a Painter of 1,000 Perils, and a Tomazooma!
 
Not wanting to be That Guy who criticizes people's blogs, but I'm immensely cheered by what I see as this fine return to form, Scipio. I'm reading and have literal tears of laughter in my eyes from the hilarity --- just like the good old days.
 
I'll see your Matador and Leap-Frog and raise you a Steeplejack, a Painter of 1,000 Perils, and a Tomazooma!

If we're going for primarily Silver-Age and later, Scipio has you both beat with Dr. Domino, the Awesome Threesome, and the Rainbow Raider!

Golden-Age is a closer horse race; although Professor Radium and Joe Coyne, the Penny Plunderer are hard to beat!
 
*****sputter*****gasp*****

Oh, yeah? Does Scipio have a Mister Polka-Dot? A Doctor Double-X? Or how about the Manphibian or Stegron the Dinosaur Man?


And from the Golden Age, does he have an Oom the Mighty or a Gambler? Does he have an entire "Forgotten Heroes of Yesterday" gallery?

Remember, the one who dies with the most HeroClix conversions wins!
 
Thanks, Chance. I've just been very very busy, and blogging is perhaps more time consuming than many people realize.
 
Well, allow me to echo Chance's sentiments, Scipio. These days, between all my various commitments (including but not limited to the custom clix; working on Turner D. Century and the Wrench now, Steve), I have very little time to surf the 'net. There are very very few websites I visit just for pleasure, and this blog is at the top of that very short list. All your efforts are greatly appreciated.
 
Tremble, puny players, before the awesome power of Turner D. Century and the Wrench. Or laugh yourselves silly, maybe?
 
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