Friday, January 28, 2011

The Attack of Jean Loring's Brain, VII

So the Wind Pirate is using his Kirby Cube to take over the earth, which will be destroyed in less than three hours by Jean Loring's brain, which the Atom has entered to try and punch out the crazy evil.

Have you ever wondered what the inside of Jean Loring's brain looks like?

It looks like Frank Stella ate and threw up the collected works of Dr. Seuss.

Well, no WONDER Jean Loring's insane, she's got a slice of kiwi stuck in her brain. Atom takes a right at the kiwi slice, follows the fettucini-brick road along the Sea of Go-Go Checks and finds...

a giant pearl of crazy-evil. Which he goes inside. And punches.

And, pathetically inadequate word though it is sometimes... meanwhile...

Aquaman beats the crap out of the pirates...

"Time--to teach--these rude Parisians-- a lesson!"

and Captain Comet sweats.

Comet; we all loved Johnny Storm, stop obsessing over it.

Ray's punching treatment works,

It's not easy to get inside your girlfriend's head. It's even harder to get out.

... and Jean Loring's brain stops destroying the earth, and the Wind Pirate ... well, um, I think he blows up along with his ship. Or escapes. To come back when someone finally lets me write Aquaman.

LOL, oh, Name-Or, you're slaying me! Jean Loring's brain may not contain a pearl of planet-destroying energy. But Jean Loring is ALWAYS a threat to mankind. Why, in order for the world to be safe, Jean Loring would have to be kept completely, I dunno... comatose.

See? I told you!

Well, the world's is safe, the Atom takes some aspirin, and Jean Loring lives to terrify the world another day. What else is there?

Next time, we wrap up with:

The Top Ten Things I Learned from The Attack of Jean Loring's Brain.


SallyP said...

So...the world is saved when Ray punches out Jean's evil Brain Pearl. Also, Aquaman really fights dirty.

This is...utterly magnificent. I can't see that Captain Comet did a whole lot, but that's pretty much par for the course, for Captain Atom. And Name-ors scaley little green head is just so...cute!

Bryan L said...

Not so much a "brain pearl" as a "cyst of evil" that Ray has lanced. Of course, the evil will eventually reaccumulate and bubble to the surface, as Name-or correctly diagnosed.

Odkin said...

I think this is classic:
"--odd thing was, Wind Pirate was tapping Jean's disaster energy for his climate-controller, and he didn't even know it!" "The machine might never have worked if it weren't for her arrival on Earth..."

They're totally blase about a "Wind Pirate", "disaster energy", a "climate controller", and Jean's "arrival on earth" - but the irony of not knowing is somehow remarkable.

Imitorar said...

The question is, who woke Jean Loring from her coma? Because that person is responsible for unleashing a lot of evil on the DCU. Identity Crisis, for instance.

Scipio said...


THAT is story for another week. ;-)

SallyP said...

Oops. In looking back,I called Captain Comet, Captain Atom. Quelle Frommage.

Anonymous said...

If your name is Captain Comet, it might as well be Captain Atom. It your name is Captain Atom, it might as well be Captain Marvel. If your name is Captain America, it might as well be The Shield.