Friday, January 07, 2011

Attack of Jean Loring's Brain, Part II

Hey, Ray! Remind us why the planet is about to be destroyed? What's the problem again...?

Thanks, Ray!

So, the Crazy-Evil in Jean Loring's brain is now armed with the ability to destroy entire planets. Which it starts to do pretty much immediately.

In case you don't recognize it, that's Captain Comet's butt. There are so many natural disasters, the situation is so bad that the entire JLA is busy handling it. And by "it" I mean "the situation" not Captain Comet's butt.

As a result the only otherwise unoccupied hero is Captain Comet. Does THAT tell you how bad it is when Jean Loring attacks? That the only person left to rely on is Captain Frickin' Comet?

We'll skip -- mostly -- right over the part where some of our heroes try to deal with some of the disasters. In short, Aquaman gets his ass handed to him by a tornado.
Aquaman is, apparently, not smart enough to simply go underwater when a tornado at sea is headed his way.
And neither, apparently, are whales. Or giant pink clams.
Can't really blame the clams, though.
Giant pink clams in NYC harbor... who knew?!

I said, MEANWHILE, while Aquaman is doing an interpretative dance in front of the Statue of Liberty...
"I call this dance
The Time I Got My Ass Kicked by a Tornado in front of the State of Liberty!"

... the Atom is beating the crap out of a little girl.

Attaboy, Atom! Prof. Palmer just hates truants.

Oh, and the Atom also runs a tanker train full of oil into an earthquake caused by Jean Loring's brain.

That might have been easier, Ray,
if you hadn't insisted on remaining at six inches while doing it.

Meanwhi--I mean-- Anyway, Captain Comet is jealous. Aquaman is doing the aquadance in midair above Liberty Island and the Atom is indulging in catastrophic explosions and child abuse. They have ALL the fun! So Captain Comet decides the best way to be useful while Jean Loring's brain orgiastically destroys the planet is to ponder the works of Thomas Aquinas while a Japanese village is incinerated by a lava flow.

Such thinking is impossible for anyone but the King of Dorks.

With Jean Loring and her crazy-evil brain destroying the world, Ray does the only sensible thing a rational scientist would do under such circumstances...

throws himself at Italian science-babe Enrichetta Negrini in a crazed eruption of long-smoldering desire.
"Can you handle all six inches of me, baby?"

And what does

think of all this?

Oh. Yeah. Right. I forgot.
Not much.


LissBirds said...

Thomas there's someone you won't see mentioned in comics today! said...

Extremely wonderful. But there couldn't be any giant pink clams in the waters off New York or they would have already been harvested by hipsters and made into giant pink clutch purses.

Scipio said...

Well, maybe that's exactly why there aren't any more, Tad!

Bryan L said...

I'm guessing the pink clam clutches are transported by that pink train that Atom blew up. Maybe Jean just hates pink?

SallyP said...

My, but Captain Comet is...limber. But that is no Green Lantern behind, that's for sure.

And can you blame Atom for throwing himself at the comely Signoretta? I mean compared to Jean, who may be attractive, but is batshit crazy, Enrica has to be a welcome alternative.

Scipio said...

Sally, as you'll soon see, Ray's desperation causes him to stray either farther afield...

tad said...

Personally, I'd rather marry Star Jones than Jean Loring.

(I almost said "Sarah Palin", but then I realized, no, there are some lengths to which I will not go, even to avoid a hellish life with Jean Loring.)