Widow-Maker: Start Your Engines!

Our story begins one fine day at a race track in Monaco, where we find our heroine:

Fran Drescher"Oh-oo, Niles, I wish Mistuh Sheffield were here fuh this!"

Okay, actually that's Diana Prince, the new original Wonder Woman, during the era when she had no superpowers and ran a dress shop in the Village, which makes it particularly ironic that she's running around in nothing but her slip and some rainboots, but would seem normal, I suppose, to some who's spent the last 30-odd years in a majorette's costume.

Her companion is "I Ching" (yes, really), yer basic inscrutable old Chinese blind master of wisdom and the martial arts. Diana and Ching have stopped off in Monaco on the way back from, um, somewhere unspecified. Why? Because there's a fashion show at the race track's garage, silly. And what fashions they are!

When assaulted by a rampaging model with sharp creases,
do a body-roll to absorb the impact, then remain in a posture of submission.

This outfit actually comes with red silk underwear.
But "the Watermelon Warrior Look" never caught on.

The Count's sister, Laverne Vertigo, was slated to have become
a new Green Arrow villain, the Polka Dot Squirrel,
but instead she was moved to Swing With Scooter.

No, really; if you stand like that for a while,
you'll turn blue, too.

Oh. My. Suddenly wearing nothing but a slip seems like the least of all evils. I think the only spectator who survived this fashion show was I Ching.

Anyway, Bruce Wayne is there preparing to race his auto, the Wayne Special. I mean, it's not like he has anything else to do. So Brucie (who knows Diana is Wonder Woman ) starts hitting on Diana (who does not know Bruce is Batman) because, after all, she's "very very pretty"... and can no longer snap him like a twig if he gets fresh.

Bruce is a player. Diana is a player-hater. If this were Marvel, "Bruce Wayne: Playboy ... No More!",
would have been the epic saga of a guilt-ridden Bruce's impotence problem
after the death of Aunt Harriet at the hands of the Outsider.

Slightly later, Diana is snooping around unnoticed (perhaps it's an Invisible Slip?) and uncovers a plot by that Dastardly Dick, Willi Von Dort, to send his mechanics to sabotage Bruce's car later that evening. So naturally she (pick one):

(A) confronts Willi;
(B) tells Bruce;
(C) alerts the racetrack authorities;
(D) goes to the police.

If you've ever read a comic book, you probably guessed correctly that the answer is (E) none of the above. You see, this is her powerless era; and when you subtract the "Wonder" from "Wonder Woman", you are left with merely "woman", which means that the writer assumes she now has the proportionate logic of a Lucy Ricardo.


Oh, the Comic Book Irony.