Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Diana Invigorates the UN

"World Leaders Seek to Invigorate UN at age 60" the headline reads today.

Yeesh, how stupid are they! Any idiot who reads comic books knows how to do that:

hire Diana Prince.

Just look at what she could do for them -- on her first day!

<-- Publically condemn a U.N. sponsored contest to celebrate the beauty, grace, and unity of women worldwide. The U.N. should be hold contests judging women on the basis of their abilities for violent conflict, warmaking, and personal combat, just like the contest that chose Wonder Woman.

--> Throw herself at the first handsome diplomat who comes along, despite his obvious horror.

<-- Cry in a public place when her tawdry advances are rebuffed. By the way, Diana, when even blind men call you ugly, perhaps it is time to consider a make-over, dear.

--> Seek solace through group make-out sessions with overdressed Inuits (in a public place, of course). There's actually a young boy there below the frame, becoming a man; I had to crop it out because posting that sort of stuff on the internet will get you arrested, you know.

<--> Inspire young women in time-honored Amazonian ways.

Sorry, gang; the internet censors won't let me show you any more of the scene than this!

<--Experiment with turning man's instruments of warmaking ...

into a woman's tools for enjoying peace. -->

That's in public, in case you hadn't guessed

Diana really does seem to like chains and stuff, doesn't she? I wonder what that's all about... .

Naturally, she'd finish up with a big floor show, where she could--

<-- Make out with tribal performance artists and do a big dance number. I swear, I just don't know how she does it! I even hear that -- still on her first day -- she also rode bronco on a nuclear missile and used it to blow up a supervillain and his battleship in the nearby harbor! On her lunch hour.

Well, folks -- they don't call her Wonder Woman for nothing!


Anonymous said...

ZzzzzzZzzzzzzZzzzzzZzzzzzz.....Enjoy that Peace Di, enjoy it!

Awesome post Scip, I nearly peed my pants!

Bat-Mac said...

Has this all got much more surreal in my absence, or wot?

Oh look, some melting clocks.

running42k said...

So you are saying this would be a better UN representative then John Bolton.

Scipio said...

Melting clocks, b-m?

I show you some melting clocks in later post, I guarantee...

Besides, don't blame me; I don't WRITE the comics, I just read 'em!

Scipio said...

As for Bolton, he can probably duplicate most of Wonder Woman's job skills.

Except the Amazonian "anchors-and-panties" trick....

Brian said...

And hey, she's even bilingual! Note the last frame. "Hola!" Much better than the current crop of US officials.

Not bad for a girl from a small island off the coast of Greece (or wherever Themyscira is)

PS: Was it Doc Domino's battleship?

word verification: igwihwva

The drunken muttering Diana Prince, drowning her sorrows (in public) in a local bar. Translates to "I gotta have a..." What? What do you need, Diana? Tell us, please!

Scipio said...

Actually, Brian, I skipped the part where she's in the background chatting it up with some headdress-wearing Indians from central casting, and her sexist pig boss explains to Morgan Tracy, troubleshooter diplomat, that he only hired her such a "plain Jane" to work among "all our beautiful girls here" because she spoke every Native American language fluently.

And NO I am not making that up.

For those not in the know (as I'm sure Brian is!), "hola" is an Ancient Greek word, the rough equivalent of a rural "yee-ha".

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