Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Armed and Dangerous


Of all the shockers in this week's comics

--and they are many and powerful--

none is so great, I think, as the revelation that whoever drew and edited JLA 119 apparently doesn't read any other DC books, since there sits the Matter Master ... with two arms, instead of just one! This, even though Hawkman quite famously hacked it off recently and Matter Master has been seen -- repeatedly -- in the major crossover books with only one arm left. Tsk!

The REAL shocker is of course the Martian Manhunter's discovery that there is in fact one single figure behind all the universe-shattering disasters we're reading about in all the DC crossovers, a single figure who has never acquiesced to being banished from the DCU, and whose incomparable power and intelligence will result in a triumphant return, despite the consequences for the DC universe(s?):

Vibe.



Ha, no, just kidding; that was my theory, but, alas....

But Devon of Seven Hells, Devon who erreth not, Devon the Cassandra of Comic Books, has known all along. He's known for a year. He tried to tell us all, but no one would listen.

He'd never brag, so I'll do it for him: Devon is the greatest analyst of comic book storylines I have ever met. Devon could kick the butts of the Mystery Analysts of Gotham, the Elongated Man, and Hamilton Drew while simultaneously operating a cash register. Devon makes Roy Raymond look like Ronnie Raymond. What the Martian friggin' Manhunter and "I'm-the-goddam" Batman have only begun to get the slightest inkling of, Devon has known forever, purely through his own intelligence and deductive reasoning. I hate him so deeply it makes my teeth hurt.

I won't tell you the answer; I don't have the RIGHT to. But go over to Seven Hells and send Devon a message demanding that HE show you the proof of who is behind it all, and how long he's known about it.

And when he answers ....

make sure you're sitting down.

23 comments:

Sleestak said...

I've been saying it's Alfred for a long time. We will see.

Scipio said...

Alfred or .....

the OUTSIDER!?!?!?!?!

totaltoyz said...

As to the dis-armed Matter Master: he grew it back. He has the power to control all matter in its natural state; wouldn't that include his own body?

Alexi Sivana said...

Is it J.J. Abrams?

k26dp said...

What's funny is that this same artist consistantly depicted Matter Master with one arm in every shot in earlier issues of this run.

Oh well, it was a well-drawn story arc otherwise, I'll take one gaffe.

Scipio said...

Personally, I can't wait for the one-armed Matter Master clix, with Barrier, TK and (apparently) Regen.

Elephantine Room said...

Duh, it's the Anti-Monitor. They're retreading every other aspect of Crisis; why not rehash the villain, too? I thought everyone had just assumed this.

Scipio said...

"Duh"?

You are mistaken.

Jeff R. said...

It's someone who can fool the Watchtower computer into think he's Superman, wears a cape, and can destroy the place.

Those computers are pretty sophisticated. So alternate-universe versions of Superman should be the top suspects: Ultraman and Earth-2/Kingdom Golden Age Superman top the list. Followed by Kingdom Come/'Superman/Batman' Dark Future Superman.

Kal-L is probably the strongest suspect, given DC's current level of respect for long-time fans. But Ultraman has potential, too. You get sub-theory: all the business of Owlman and Batman refusing to wear each others' uniforms in 'Syndicate Rules' was a big red herring; Owlman reformed a while ago and the two Bruces Wayne switched places several years ago...

Elephantine Room said...

"You are mistaken." Because Devon is secretly Geoff Johns?

The Superman impostor either an alternate-universe version of Superman (which calls into question the death of the multiverse, which calls into question the death of the Anti-Monitor) or Ultraman from the Crime Syndicate (which is now located in the anti-matter universe, which is ruled by the Anti-Monitor). I'm leaning towards the latter, because J'onn would actually recognize Ultraman, whereas he can't have any memory of anyone from the various pre-Crisis earths. I also doubt, based on pacing considerations and the modern need to cram as many "big reveals" as possible into any given storyline, that the guy who blew up the Watchtower is in fact the "boss villain," but yet another Rung in this ladder of Villainy. Since DC is bending over backwards to brand this as a Crisis sequel, and have pulled out everyone from the Psycho Pirate to Lady Quark to prove it, my bet is still on the Anti-Monitor.

It helps that the Anti-Monitor would be a stunningly mind-numbing, derivative choice. I place more faith in the derivativeness of the DC brain trust than I do in the ability of fans to guess future plot twists - fans' guesses are almost always more interesting.

Zaratustra said...

I did a poll with my friends and we agree that the secret mastermind behind Infinite Crisis and related and re-related are Power Girl's boobs (left and right).

Anonymous said...

"I did a poll with my friends and we agree that the secret mastermind behind Infinite Crisis and related and re-related are Power Girl's boobs (left and right)."

Maybe they're fighting out a power struggle between themselves?

Jeff R. said...

The left one is Earth-1, and the right one is Earth-2. Ever since the crisis and the creation of the new earth, they've been expanding as the original earths attempt to burst free...

Mark "Puff" Anderson said...

Jeff R. said...
The left one is Earth-1, and the right one is Earth-2. Ever since the crisis and the creation of the new earth, they've been expanding as the original earths attempt to burst free...


So, is that Boob and Anti-Boob...or Boob-1 and Boob-2.

HA!

You people are nuts.

puff

totaltoyz said...

a single figure who has never acquiesced to being banished from the DCU

Beppo the Super-Monkey??

Ariel said...

Devon is brilliant. It of course HAS to be Kal-L. And Elephantine, it DOES tie thematically into Crisis on Infinite Earths, even more than the Anti-Monitor I think.

The 'happy ending' in CIE for Kal-L was to be transported out of the universe into 'heaven.' It turned out to be not such a happy ending after all...

Pete Milan said...

a single figure who has never acquiesced to being banished from the DCU

Ambush Bug. That's why Giffen's been so sanguine about all his characters getting whacked. He knew he would have the ultimate revenge.

Scipio said...

You who else is there, Ariel?

The original BLACK CONDOR! He didn't die, he was "sent to a higher plane of existence".

totaltoyz said...

He's not dead, he's pining for the fjords.

k26dp said...

I'm pinning for some sweet octopus love. Don't know why.

Ariel said...

Scip: Ah! That may explain why the modern Black Condor has been offed....

kelvingreen said...

That joke about the presumed-destroyed-multiverse being inside Power Girl isn't too far off, I reckon...

Elephantine Room said...

Hmmm, I'm torn here. Resurrecting the Anti-Monitor as the villain is playing to DC's strengths in the area of rehashing old material... but bringing back the Golden Age Superman as a villain plays to their strength in the area of crapping on beloved-yet-marginalized characters.