DEATH IS THE PRIZE: Trigger Happy

When we last left Olle and Roy, Green Arrow had intentionally missed the crook's target so as not to give himself away as the genuine article, having been warned by Roy The Underage Adult, that to do so would ensure his death at the hands of St. Louis Louie and his tie-wearing gang. As long as the last guy (whom we've dubbed "Hillbilly Arrow") doesn't hit the target everything will be fine: all the contestants will be dismissed as fakers. That way, Ollie can call the police to mop up the gang while he's at home in his smoking jacket or off fishing.

Not only does this guy look like Green Arrow (although his hair is now suddenly colored brown), he's every bit the overconfident jackass that Ollie is.  He's Oliver's Paul Sloane, apparently.

Fortunately, there is no way this arrogant poseur can hit that target. Intentionally.

Chance of doing it UNintentionally, however, is 99%, because Golden Age Green Arrow is a sitcom where hijinx WILL ensue.

A blow on the head! This is definitely where this (still unnamed) guy wakes up convinced that HE is Green Arrow and for the rest of the Golden Age, Oliver is hounded by this deranged wannabe, set on killing Ollie and taking his place as Roy's lover, er, I mean, Green Arrow.  What would you name this guy? "Preen Arrow"?  Nah, let's call him "Green Harrow".

At least, that's what would happen in Gotham City. But this is Star City, so he just gets dumped in the back of a plum Studebaker on his way to sleep with the fishes.

"Why not capture them now, G.A.?"
"Because we've got two and half more pages to go. Besides, we haven't used the catapult yet."

Well, as we can now confirm, this is still the era where the Arrowcar is called the Arrowplane, for no other reason I have ever been able to discern.  Maybe the "aeroplane" pun was too good to pass up and Ollie's fortune wasn't thought of as large enough at this point to justify a plane? Or he hadn't yet gotten permission to station a giant yellow jet on his apartment building's rooftop? I mean, it's bad enough that the ArrowCAR takes up eight parking spaces in the garage.

"Besides, this will give us the excuse to use the catapult when we get to the docks."
"But they could kill him and just be using that to dispose of--"
"I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THE DAMNED CATAPULT, ROY!"

The journey, during which none of St. Louis Louie's gang of seasoned criminals notices a GIANT YELLOW JUGGERNAUT WITH A DORSAL FIN tailing them, ends at Star City's legendary Small Craft Cove.

"Waiting until they actually THROW him into the water, G.A.? Doesn't that seem like an ill-advised and unwarranted--"
"I SAID READY THE CATAPULT, ORPHAN WHO IS ENTIRELY DEPENDENT ON MY LARGESSE FOR FOOD AND SHELTER!"

Per usual, Roy realizes that Oliver's plan is terrible and bravado-based, but he's too cowed by the prospect of possible penury to press his objections.

Pictured: Showboating.

I really wish the artists (whom we'll discuss tomorrow) would have taken the time to show two grown men landing feet first on a small rowboat, without it breaking or capsizing.  I guess Green Arrow is just THAT good a shot <eyeroll>.

Okay, "Tell it to the marine animals" is pretty funny, especially for the Golden Age. I can see why St. Louis Louie, comedically large bowtie and all, is still one of Green Arrow's best known and beloved adversaries today.

St. Louis Louie is sufficiently genre-savvy to know that G.A. calls the ropes he ties to arrows "Arrowlines".  If this were the Bronze Age instead of the Golden Age, you just know that "ArrowLINES" would be the name of the letter-column. Also, the incompetent criminal lieutenant who was running the contest (a Lieutenant Louie?) is, surprisingly, a sadistic psychopath.

But not to fear; none of that will avail against the avenging bane of ALL Star City criminals:

"THE GREEN ARROW'S KID PAL."
See? I'm not the only one who can't remember his codename.

Meanwhile, Green Harrow learns a lesson; everybody hates Green Arrow and wants him dead.

The start of Ollie's weird doppelganger fetish.
"Well, here you are, Gee-Ay.  Soaked from Small Craft Cove, trembling in fear, and bound helpless, while wearing my costume, in a small rowboat that won't capsize no matter HOW hard two grown men slam into it. I'm going to enjoy this...."

Naturally, the criminals misinterpreted the situation as Red Arrow having rescued Green Arrow because, well, that's how things work in Star City and Occam's Razor and all that.

Note that the gang has zero qualms about being able to handle Green Arrow.  It's SPEEDY they are afraid of. Oliver's oblivious to this as always. What Uncle Gadget doesn't know, won't hurt him (as long as Penny is there to protect him).

St. Louis Louie reminds us about the time recently he almost killed Green Arrow just by bouncing an empty revolver off his skull, because that will remain the pinnacle of his career.

This MIGHT have been our chance to be rid of Oliver once and for all and let Roy take over. But, no.  Golden Age Green Arrow is a systole and diastole between Ollie The Impetuous Imbecile and Green Arrow the Demigod-like Odyssean Archer.

That's the most ridiculous Green Arrow thing I've ever seen.
And I've seen the Plastic Cat Arrow.

There is just SO much wrong with that panel that to discuss it would take longer than recapping the entire story.  

The rest of the story is just skippable mop-up ops, including the Golden Age finishing trope of the Chastisement of The Foolish (usually reserved for the villain but sometimes bestowed on a Well-Meaning But Misguided Civilian, as in this case).

While Roy nets the Lieutenant Louies, Ollie is ALREADY planning his next fishing trip with Hillbilly Arrow.

Of course you "ain't" in a class with those two fellows, you stupid hick; you're a risible hillbilly and they are well-heeled urban sophisticates who fight crime AS A HOBBY.  I suppose this is why the Lieutenant Arrows were never seen again; they would have sullied Green Arrow's legendary dignity.

DEATH IS THE PRIZE: Our Unlucky Day

 Meanwhile, in 1943, we find Green Arrow and his sidekick, the one with the dumb hat, located on a rooftop where Death Hovers Nearby.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Um.. it's St. Louis Louie, Oliver. Why don't you just MEET HIM AT THE FAIR, like the song says? You are SO stupid sometimes.

Of course, I've BEEN to St. Louis, so I can't say I blame you for not going.

Rooftops are a REALLY bad place to try to run from vigilantes, because you're kind of stuck. I mean, it's not like you can just jump the whole way across even an alley to the next building.

Except in Star City, where alleys are either REALLY narrow or all the crooks are trained by Leapo The Clown.

Ollie, who only has to hold on to his bow and arrows in order to do his job, manages to lose his arrows. 

What are the odds? Well, on the bright side, the next shot will finish him, so he won't have to manage long without his arrows.

I think Roy will make a good Green Arrow. I mean, he's smarter, he's a better archer, and he's already used to wearing the stupid outfit.  

Ollie, whose plan was obviously to simply get shot, can't even do that right.  Fittingly, he's up against a crook who only had to hold on to his bullets and gun in order to do his job and couldn't manage that.
You get the foes you deserve, I guess.

Ollie, being a fit Golden Age hero, naturally trounces this pork-pied loser straightaway, recovers his arrows, and returns home to recategorize his Amerindian artifact collection.  Or not:

What's the sound of a gun bouncing off Ollie's head?
Tink? Blonk? Thr-Bung?  
Where's Onomatopoeia when you really need him?

Add "empty guns" to the list of 1001 Way To Defeat Green Arrow. And "gravity" I suppose.  The final ones, it seems, since Ollie is going to be a big green splotch in a very narrow alley in about 5...4...3...

Ugh. Roy saved him. AGAIN. Death may hover nearby for a chuckle but clearly finds it more amusing to keep Ollie alive.

I choose to interpret the art in that panel as depicting that Green Arrow was prescient enough to have built-in, reinforced Rescue Epaulets into his tunic that Roy can aim for every time Ollie falls off a roof.  Ollie has lots of flaws but a lack of self-awareness is not one of them.  

Of course you lost your bow, too.  Kept the stupid hat on, though.

So, Ollie, who without his bow and arrow is just a dilettante anthropologist in a man-size Peter Pan costume, continues to run across the easily-forded alleys and rooftops in pursuit a group of armed gunman.

Your unlucky day was the day your parents died, Roy.
Or any of the days you saved Ollie, who, you'll recall, currently has no heirs but...you.

Well, at least now they can go down in the tiny narrow alley and just pick up Ollie's bow and arrows from where they fell, rather than have to go back to the toy store and pick up some more.  

You gotta be kidding me.

LMAO, Ollie dropped all his weapons and they got STOLEN. Like, IMMEDIATELY.  

Can't believe that was never in "There Oughta Be A Law".
Thanks to ROY HARPER, 1941 Papp Place, Star City, WA. 

Ah well, Ollie's a zillionaire, so no big deal.  He's surely got a million more sets of weaponry and can buy more (and nicer ones) any time he needs, rather than go on some wild goose card for "his favorite bow".

But three guesses what happens.