The Testimony of Wonder Woman

"I call to the stand, Princess D--I'm sorry, ma'am, but...are you trussed up with a rope?"
"YES, that is true, I am trussed up with a lasso!"

"Doesn't...doesn't that sort of thing usually wait until a little later in the story? Never mind, I need you out of that so I can swear you in."
"The Lasso of Truth compels me to tell the truth!"
"Sigh. Fine; that works, too.  Ms. Woman, please tell us how you feel you are faring, as a character, in the New52, particularly as compared to the previous DC universe or universes?"
"Honestly?"
"There's currently no alternate, ma'am."
"I'm not very happy."
"Whyever not?  Hasn't your origin been fixed so that you're a demigod daughter of Zeus, rather than just some clay statue brought to life, thus elevating you from a mere Galatea ripoff to a mythic status according only to Western civilization's most revered and enduring heroic figures, including the likes of Herakles, Aeneas, and Percy Jackson?"
"Yes. that is true."
"Have the creative leaders and marketers of DC not made a priority of  establishing you firmly as the third pillar of their heroic trinity of characters, along with Batman and Superman, affording  you a level of importance and priority unprecedented in your character's history since the days of your strange creator, William Moulton Marston?"
"Yes, that is true."
"As evidence of this, are you not featured in the forthcoming Superman versus Batman film, and being given your own second digital-native anthology title, Sensation Comics'?
"Yes, that, too, is true."
"So, tell us,  how can you not consider yourself better off?"
"I spend all my time hanging out with gods and no real people.  This makes me hard to identify with. Plus the gods are a bunch of snarky PEOI.  I used to have a job, and a home, and human friends and family.  Now my family are all snakes and the most 'normal human' person I socialize with is Superman, because (I'm told) fans demanded it."
"And this disappoints?"

"When I should be dating Orion? Yes.  I used to have FUN.  I used to march and dance and march and sing and march and hang out with college sorority girls and march.  I used to fight women in cat suits and kick midgets around and battle giant sentient eggs. Now all I do is fight monsters.  Monsters have very bad breath, you know.  My current author's casting of my world is strong, but idiosyncratic and not well suited to long-term developments.  And while my adventures may be 'badass' as they say, they just seem to isolate me from the mainstream of DC continuity, unlike Aquaman, whose newly epic adventures position him more squarely in its mainstream.  Awkwardly, with the disparity between my portrayal in my own books versus joint books like Justice League, I almost seem to be two different people."
"I empathize.  So, if the theory is correct that DC is going to reboot its universe next year, this would not be a disappointment to you?"
"A re-boot? Who would love 're-booting' more than Wonder Woman?  I think it might be a relief. Like a bath in milk."

"You may hop down from the stand now. No more questions. Other than why you're still dressed that way."

The Testimony of Green Lantern (and you know which one)

"Our next witness--"
THUNK!
"Goodness, are you alright, sir? We had no idea that there was any problem with the ceiling tiles!"
"No,  no, I'm fine; it hit me in the head."
"Please place your left hand on this Book of Oa, raise your right hand. Do you solemnly--"
"GREAT GALAXIES!"
"What's WRONG, sir?!"
"My god, look at my hands! THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL!"
"You're wearing gloves."
"Making it even MORE impressive!"
"Moving right along.  How would  you say you've been faring in the New52 universe, Mr. Jordan?"
"Ha! Aces!"
"Could you elaborate?"
"Well, I'm the favorite of the guys in charge of the whole universe!"
"The Guardians?"
"No, Geoff Johns and Dan Didio!"
"Oh?"
"Everything's been arranged around ME!  I got to found the Justice League, but I don't have to spend any time with them, because they make me look bad.  Instead, I'm, like, the leader and centerpiece of the entire Green Lantern Corps!  Which is the center of six OTHER corps they created just to make me more important! I'm the center of the universe!"
"I thought Oa was the center of the universe?"
"Not any more.  Oh, and there's like over 9000 new Heroclix coming out that all center around ME."
"Mr. Jordan aren't you being a tad... solipsistic?
"... .... Ring, define the word 'soli--"
"Self-centered, Mr. Jordan.  It's not all about you."
"Wow, maybe I should be an orange lantern! Oh wait; I AM!"

"I thought were the head of the GREEN--?"
"I can be ANYTHING!"

"All at the same time!"

"That's a nice look, Mr.Jordan; I approve. Now about your supporting--"
"The UNIVERSE is my supporting cast!"

"So, you don't like the idea that DC may be planning to reboot this entire universe as early as next year?"
"That would ACES."
"I beg your--why do you say that?"
"Because it could be BIGGER. And it could center around me from the START, this time!"
"No more questions."

Reboot? The Testimony of Aquaman

"Our next witness is the King of Seas, Aquaman.  Mr Curry, do you swear to--"

"I am SO HAPPY TO BE HERE."

"Uh...that's great, sir.  May I ask why?"

"Before the last reboot I was always dead, or disfigured, or demented. Now I'm HERE. And I'm AWESOME."

"I see. So you'd say, then, that you are faring well in the reboot?"

"Poseidon's beard, man!  I have a KINGDOM.  I have RESPECT. I am BADASS.  I have a HOT REDHEAD as a consort (I don't even have to be married).  I've got no Aqualad for baggage. I have ALL my body parts, and a shiny costume, and great hair! AND TWO BOOKS!"

"I see. So, you feel that this newfound respectful treatment--"

"TWO!"

"Yes, that's my favorite part, also, for obvious reasons.  There's talk that--"

"And a DOG. Salty the Aquadog! Wanna see a picture? I live in a cool lighthouse and everyone in town loves me!"

"So the--"

"I'm going to be in MOVIE, did you know that? A cameo, yeah, but with a BIGGER film down the road."

"If--"

"OH, and not only am I a badass, my VILLIANS are, too.  Ocean Master, Scavenger, Black Manta,  heck even VULKO is a badass.  Even the new Creature King!"

"Can--"

"OMG, do you think they'll bring back the Human Flying Fish? Only as a BADASS?!"

"YOUR MAJESTY!. there'stalkthatDCisgoingtoreboottheiruniverseagainnextyearandreversethingsorcreatea newstatusquohowwouldyoufeelaboutthat?"


"What?"

"I --"

"That's ...that's OUTRAGEOUS!!!"

"So you don't want to be removed from the New52 into some other context?"

"Whoever tries will be so full of trident holes that the sponges will pity him."

"No further questions."

First Witness: Superman

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the evidence has alreadybeen placed before you: it seems increasingly likely that DC will be rebooting its multiverse in the spring of next year.  The question being put to you is not whether it will… but whether it should. 

I call to the stand my first witness:  the Man of Steel, Superman.”

“Do you solemnly swear etc., so help you Rao?”
“I never lie.”

“Unless someone’s asking Clark Kent whether he’s Superman.”

“Superman never lies.  Clark Kent, however, is a lying sack of babootch poo.”

“Superman, can you tell the court how you feel you’ve fared in the New52 reboot?”

“World’s best known superhero loses parents, girlfriend, and job overnight.”

“You really are a reporter, aren’t  you? Please elaborate.”

“Well, my parents, universally credited as the source my unwavering moral compass, used to be alive before. Now they are dead.  No big reason for it. Just easier not to have to write them, I suppose.  I used to have two long-running love interests, Lana Lang and Lois Lane.  Curious—both have the initials—“

“And now?”

“Lana’s an engineer.  Lois has some other boyfriend.”

“Who’s secretly a supervillain or a longtime rival or your moral opposite?”

“No.  Anyway, now I have to date someone who grew up in a lesbian commune and has a bondage fetish.”

“Charming.  And work?”

“I think I work at some website that can’t possibly support me and is really the brainchild of Cat Grant.  I think maybe I still live with my pal Jimmy Olsen, who’s now a wealthy heir.”

“So…they’re supporting you?”

“I—well, they are my supporting cast.  Maybe I crush coal into diamonds and sell them, I don’t know, don’t ask me.”

“You seem uncomfortable with this line of questioning.”

“No….it’s …the collar. It’s itchy.”

“And that bothers YOU?”

“It’s super-itchy.  Besides, I’m no longer wearing underwear and that makes me feel a little self-conscious.  That’s not how I was raised.”

“How do you know?  Your parents have been dead since the reboot so you’ve never met them.”

“Anyway, I don’t think I’m faring very well since the reboot.  Ever since it happened I’ve been feeling short-temped and stand-offish.” 

“So you’d appreciate a chance to go back or start fresh?”

“That’d be super, yes.”

“No more questions.”

Songs in the key of Sea

Aquaman, as we have complained recently, doesn't get the same kind of multimedia love as many of colleagues do.  I mean, sure, we all expect Batman and Superman to be the media's darlings, but, c'mon...Green Arrow, of all people, has a hit television show.

But there is one medium in which Aquaman gets his due ...

Indie/folk/alt musicians LOVE Aquaman.  Everyone who thinks "Oh why doesn't anyone appreciate my specialness and why do the girls always go for the BMOCs like Batman and Superman *heavy sigh*?" looks to Aquaman as their lyrical avatar.

"Aquaman, wait! Would you like to hear this song I wrote about how I identify with you because you, too, are underappreciated and overshadowed by your own friends...?"

One of my favorites is Mark Aaron James's Aquaman's Lament, in which Aquaman tries to convince Vicki Vale to ditch Batman for him.  Why Aquaman would be so focused on trampy VV, I can't imagine (although we know he likes redheads).  Remember, Arthur, there are lots of good fish in the sea.

It's from his album "Just a Satellite", which you can buy on The iTunes.

Motion Slick also did a song called Aquaman's Lament, which is less respectful than one might wish, and, bizarrely, keeps comparing Aquaman to Marvel heroes.

One of the most melodious is Grandpa Griffith's Aquaman (ignore the VIDEO, it's just the only one of the song I could find); it's a real earwig and cleverly incorporates elements of sea shanties.

There's little evidence other than the title that Aquaman, by Italian prog-rock band Goblin, is about the Sea King.  But it's great music to watch your fish tank to.

The Ballad of Aquaman by the Social Bedders is a bit whiny (in several ways), but it seems to be rooted in respect and love for the character, with some interesting lyrics.  I'm fond of the phrase "patriotic green and orange".  Aquaman is still the king, indeed.

Although better known for their cover of Batman's theme, Skavoovie & the Epitones have an instrumental Aquaman that's amusing surreal. "Swim away from the hammerheads; they will destroy!" is a pretty memorable lyric.

I'd be surprised if  you don't already know Ookla the Mok for some reason, but you deserve to know their defiant Arthur Curry, with whom "you better not mess around".  Props for rhyming "Atlantis" with '"proportionate strength of a praying mantis".

I couldn't find a full on-line version of The Amazing Kilowatts' energetic Aquaman. but you can hear a snatch of it on Amazon and buy it for next to nothing.  Aquaman; he's keepin' it real.

Aquaman's Rousing Song of Heroism from Batman: Brave & the Bold is well known, of course, but I am much much fonder of "The Currys of Atlantis" (a.k.a. "Well, Ahoy!").  "Aqualad is my decoy" is perhaps the greatest lyric of all time (at least when you detest Aqualad as much as I do!)

And Cory Hite (and her teeny guitar) is also on hand to prove that,  yes, some girls do like Aquaman and appreciate his perfect hair and shirt of orange hue.

LET THE ENVY COMMENCE!

MY NEW CUSTOM HEROCLIX FIGURE OF...

THE OCTOPUS!

Aristotle, Batman, and Zombie Deer

Now that we've handle the tough issues, like collars on superhero costumes, let's relax into something more 'real-world':

school shootings & gun control.

As I mentioned in a previous post some years ago, I'm from a 'gun family'.  Here, for example,  is one of my cousins. On the right.

He kills wild pigs.  I'm more of "Heroclix" kind of guy, myself.

We always had the odd 'self-defense anti-burglar' revolver in the house itself.   My father was a hunter--a hunting guide, in fact. so my father's office had plenty of hunting rifles. No AR-15s, though.  Really not sure why those would need to be in any civilian home.  Perhaps in case of a zombie deer attack, which is silly, because they only eat other deer.

Zombie deer are just nature's way of dealing with overpopulation.

Plus, I've got untold military connections, which means guns are definitely a thing in my life, so I"m no 'gun-hating liberal'.  But as the Greeks teach us, "Moderation in all things."  And having AR-15s in your house--well, I don't hesitate to deem that 'immoderate'. And our inability to be moderate in a debate where any attempt to adjust weapon regulations is equated with an assault on personal liberty has contributed, in part, to a lot of wrongful and accidental deaths.

The Greeks also teach us that there is more than one kind of "cause" of things. Aristotle, of course, was talking about not news events, but things that occur in nature (such as zombie deer, whose Final Cause is controlling the deer population).  Still, such a concept--that things have different types of causes--can you help you analyze most anything.

And that's the crux of much of the endless debate over school shootings and gun control. Gun control advocates focus on "the material cause" (the gun), situationalists focus on the 'formal cause' (the circumstances of home, school, gun access etc. that dictate the form of the shooting), personalists focus on the "efficient cause" (the shooter himself and why he 'went bad') and no one even tries to assess 'the final cause', because, after all, such attacks have no really point, other than lashing out.

You can slice the types of causes differently than Aristotle does, but the basic problem is that everyone focuses on the cause that suits them best and tends to discount the others.  To take the easy shot, here's an example: "Guns don't kill people; people kill people" is to focus on the efficient cause: the shooter.

It denies that the material cause --the instrumentality of the gun--makes killing REALLY much easier.  That's why we use them, you know.  Yes, disturbed and distraught people can be dangerous, even deadly, without guns.  But it's so much easier when you have them.  There's a reason we don't send combatants into war armed only with a box of rubber bands or a Whitman's Sampler.  Can you kill someone with those? Yes.  But not so reliably.  With so many targets.  From a distance. Darned quickly.

As Batman put it, "We kill too often because we've made it easy... too easy... sparing ourselves the mess and the work."

You know things have gotten bad when I'm using Frank Miller to make my points.

There was a wonderful scene in the "Sub Diego" storyline where Aquaman seeks Batman's advice in how to police a city (in this case, one that was underwater).  Aquaman wanted to arm a police force but was stymied because conventional guns are , to put it mildly, not ideal for use underwater.  I will never forget the impact it made on me when Batman just stared and said, basically, "Your problem is... a city without guns. Imagine."

So, unapologetically, I favor more gun control. Because Batman would.  Just as I favor 12-year-old boys dressed in bright colors fighting gangsters and maniacs on rooftops.  But WHILE we are doing that, we also need to look at the other types of causes.

Such as the fact that the pathological disconnectedness of the suburbs (where the incidents invariably occur) fosters the isolated loner who becomes the 'efficient cause' of all these shootings.  That's why people live in Gotham City.  Sure, you may get killed by a psychotic clown one night;  but you don't have to worry that some kid is going to walk into a school with an effing machine gun and start shooting random victims. You know what the Joker would do if he came to our world? Laugh; then retire.  Because why the heck would he waste time trying to come up with anything more terrifying than that?

Still wears a suit to garden, though.  Man's got style, I'll give him that.

Or the fact that we turn a blind eye when people idolize military service as a glorious opportunity to empower our testosterone with weapons, rather than a solemn duty of trained professional into whose trust we place the nation's safety.  Real servicemembers respect their weapons, rather than use then to gain respect.  We've got bug-eyed weapon-crazy rage-monsters filling our exurb environs--and our military and police recruitment offices--and we just make jokes about it.

We wouldn't laugh if they looked like this.  Not for long, anyway. 

Or the fact that the bulk of the shooters are adolescent boys, whom their schoolmates know are disturbed and their families are oblivious to.

I blame the parents.

Or the fact that we collectively treat Mormonism as if it were normal, instead of the crazy cult that it is and always has been.

from "The Book of Morrison"

Or... well, you get the idea.

We should look at all these circumstantial factors,  yes.  But legislating against crazy is simply impossible.  So when the bulk of these crazy shooters are disaffected suburban boys living in homes stocked with lots of guns, not legislating against easy access to such efficient weapons of opportunity is simply crazy.

Starch-enemies

It’s high time to talk about collars.

When the New 52 began about three years ago, there was a lot of hype from DC and corresponding kerfuffle from fandom.  Editorial changes and alternations of the characters backstories, settings, and casts were a concern, but those were considered routine.  As discussed before, readers are used to that sort of thing.  But changes in…costumes?!  That’s a different thing entirely!

DC was pretty clearly desperate to fight the ‘crimefighting in underwear’ look, which generally meant:
getting rid of outer-underpants;
adding collars to any shirts without cowls; 
and GELs (Gratuitous Etching Lines)  And, yes, the gratuitous etching lines are... a bit much.

God bless the genius of Yale Stewart.

Fact is, as most comic book readers (should) know, early superhero costumes are based on the outfits of circus performers.  And by imitation, the costume design for later heroes followed suit (so to speak).  While maintaining a clean and classic look is good, there's something to be said for updating ones wardrobe at least once a century (particularly since the circus is no longer the cultural touchstone it used to be).

Everyone knows the GELs are kind of silly and don't matter much. 
Losing the outer-shorts is really noticeable only on Batman and Superman (and Batman already ditched them before the redesign).
That leaves... the collars.

To which I say... GOOD! At last!

Yes, you heard me; I not only don't mind the collars, I wholeheartedly approve and am thankful for them.  Why?

Because decent, classy men wear collars, and I want my heroes to be decent, classy men.  

Let's confine this analysis to DC's six most iconic male heroes (since the rest aren't likely to cause any costume-based heartache in fandom).  Batman and Flash are off the table because they wear cowls and are thus collar-immune.

This leaves:
Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)
Superman
Aquaman
The Martian Manhunter.

Hal's costume has always covered his neck

Not his head.  Just his neck.

So in his case it's really a question of adding a collar so much as replacing his green dickie-unitard (dickie-tard?) mock-turtle thing with a proper swan collar.  

"GOD, my Adam's apple is beautiful!"

I can't imagine anyone not thinking this is an improvement. Anyone who doesn't probably wears lots of turtlenecks, which means his opinion can be discounted.

Superman costume was very open-necked in the Golden Age, in the manner of a circus performer

"I"ll have to use my power of super-lightning-farting!"

In the Silver Age, when it was all much more about being 'super' than being 'man', Kal's sexy sexy collarbone was covered up.

Sometimes there just aren't any cats-in-trees that need saving.

But without a collar it's still essentially just a long-sleeve tee shirt. Which is an adolescent or lower-class thing to do ones work (or super-work) in. Heck, you might as well just have Superman wear jeans and a tee shirt to do his thing.

Not that that isn't really, really hot, mind you.

Clark Kent has always been sort of a 'working man's hero'.  He grew up on a farm, isn't wealthy, has a job that serves as the springboard for much of his adventuring.

Still... he's an adult, and one in a white-collar job.  You may not think that has anything to do with what his alter ego of Superman should wear.  But the fact is, most modern readers don't want their heroes to have the air of independent vigilantes like they had in the Golden Age, when the average man felt particularly powerless and wanted someone to identify with. Nowadays, people taking the law into their own hands is more the kind of thing we FEAR;  we perceive it more as a threat to society than as a short-cut around bureaucracy. 

Therefore, we want our heroes to have an air of professionalism (something I wrote about in my article in Teenagers from the Future, by the way). They are not wildcards in a normal world, they are professional superheroes in a world where Superheroing is a Real Thing That People Do.  We don't want them swearing, or killing people, or making childish quips mid-battle, or any of the things that adolescents thing of as "badass".  We want them to approach their work as soldiers and police do: as a solemn responsibility to do an often unpleasant and potentially violent job for the protection of society using only the appropriate amount of force.  On average, readers aren't adolescents who want to feel empowered, they are adults (or children) who want to feel safe.

So now Superman and Green Lantern have military-style collars to give them that air of professionalism.  So too Aquaman (although in his case, I think his original collarbone-baring shirt has more to do with traditional sea-workers shirts than with circus performer outfits).

Not that that isn't really, really hot, mind you.

Personally, I like my superheroes to look like they care enough about what they do to dress properly for it.  Not like they just threw on tee shirt.

I mean, jeez; even ODDMAN wears a TIE.

I think he and the Batman of Zur-enn-arrh shop together.

P.S.  The Martian Manhunter has been giving nip for way too long.  ANY shirt is any improvement.

Jean and Ray...

the perfect comic book couple.

Can you answer "The Captain Atom Question"?

The “Captain Atom Question” concerns the incorporation of characters from pre-existing literary universes into another, larger literary universe, once their original universe is gone.  The question is: can this be done successfully?

My answer is essentially “no”.

Among the various literary media, this phenomenon is pretty much confined to comic books.  Comic book companies go defunct for various reasons and their intellectual property—their characters—get bought by another company.  

Usually this company is DC.  DC, you see, is a compulsive hoarder; “I could use that character some day!  I paid good money for that!  It’s going to come back in style just you wait and see!”  Occasionally, it reaches Crisis proportions and there’s an intervention where some nice folks from reality TV come in, negotiate to get rid of DC’s old crap by enticing it with new living room furniture (“There’ll be room for NEW characters, DC, sweetie!”), and clean house.  Then DC immediately starts filling the house with crap again.  Repeat cycle.

This, by the way, is in contrast to Marvel. It’s not a hoarder; it’s an obsessive-compulsive that spends all its time putting things in order.  It writes guidebooks that tell it how tall everyone is and classifies them by how much weight they can lift, sketches out all possible permutations of its universe with “What If?” stories, (“What if… Iron Man had had EGGS for breakfast?!”) and insists that all of its stories are part of one big *ahem* perfectly organized consistent continuity (despite any evidence to the contrary).  If DC is Oscar Madison, then Marvel is Felix Unger.

Sometimes even they get confused, however.

So, every time there is a publishing yard sale, DC goes out bargain hunting with a reticule full of one dollar bills and snaps up collections of old characters as if they were beanie babies.  The Shazam family of characters, the Wildstorm stable (the Authority et al.), the Milestone properties (Static, Icon, Hardware, Xombi, et al.), the Quality characters (Plastic Man, the Ray, Black Condor, Manhunter, Phantom Lady, the Human Bomb, Uncle Sam, Doll Man, the Red Bee), the Charlton heroes (the Question, Blue Beetle, Peacemaker, and Captain Atom, for whom this question is named)—all these are characters the DC acquired by lot at going-out-business sales.

With one possible exception—Blue Beetle—DC has tried repeatedly to incorporate all these characters in the DCU…and failed.  That exception was mostly confined to using Blue Beetle as comic relief, and even that success was spotty at best.

Other attempts to use such characters as comic relief have been mostly....
regrettable.

As a general rule, these imported characters simply don’t “take”.  Like transplanted plants, they simply can’t survive well enough outside of their native soil.  Back in the heyday of the Multiverse, DC seemed to accept this fact. Rather than try to bring these niche characters into the searing sunlight of the superfriends’ world, full of its  Underroo trees and constant crossovers, DC recognized them for the hothouse flowers they were and kept them isolated in their own hermetically sealed environment of alternate earths.   If the Freedom Fighters made sense in World War II, well, then, DC gave them an earth where WWII was still going on.  If the Shazams required talking tigers and worms to thrive, then give them a world that has them.

"Segregation now; segregation forever!"

You can try to claim that “DC just didn’t try hard enough because they didn’t care about someone else’s characters”, but I’m not buying it.  DC has repeatedly moved heaven-1 and earth-1 to get its readers to care about Captain Atom and consider him part of its pantheon, to no avail.  

Batman does NOT salute.  Let alone salute Captain Atom.

To incorporate Shazam, DC has tried a host of solutions, from surrounding him with every possible shiny toy from his homeworld, to aiming him at kids, to giving him several grim’n’gritty make-overs.  

Whatevs, Billy *eyeroll*.  Not even Geoff Johns can make you 'cool'.

I say that, for whatever reasons--call it vibrational frequency, if you will--such imported characters cannot work. Like transplanted organs they require great pain and effort in the form of constant editorial doping just to keep the host universe from simply rejecting them. So, perhaps, more precisely, it's not that they absolutely cannot work, but that the energy and effort required to do so is well beyond the point of diminishing returns from the character.

You are welcome to try to prove me wrong.

DC sure hasn't.

Haiku for Penny

On a spring Haikuesday, what could be more calm or peaceful than an evening's stroll with ones dog in a quiet statuary garden where--

"What will I call my terrifying human-faced lamb/mummy/dog hybrid?  I have it; Penny."

HOLY MOTHER OF ANUBIS, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!?!?

Hawkgirl has always been an odd sort, but her--well, I'll just call it a "pet", and leave it at that--really takes the prize.  Dr. Moreau himself wouldn't have spared it.

Sired by Anubis violating the Paschal Lamb and birthed deep within a pyramid in Egypt's Uncanny Valley.  "Penny" is, as previously discussed, one of the most disturbing (pre-internet) images from the hand of man.

Disturbing enough to render Hawkgirl's haiku nearly unrecognizable!

OH MY GOODNESS WHAT'S
WRONG YOU LOOK POSITIVELY
TERRIFIED OF ME! 

By the way, Penny runs away from Hawkgirl, who goes to search for her at the end of the story. She is never found.  Penny, I mean.  Thank Ra for small favors.

What haiku can you pen to commemorate the terrifying aspect of this zombie Lambchop?