Friday, August 22, 2008

The Foes of the Shield

Sadly, the Shield doesn't have much in the way of named villains or supercriminals. He mostly fights nameless evil spies from two fictionations, Stokia and Nordica. Oh, look, here he is ethnic-profiling two Stokian spies ...

"Good gravy, the O'Dares are hijacking the plane!"

Hmm. Two tough looking, nearly identical guys with receding hairlines, in intimate but animated, handwaving conversation, wearing brightly colored outfits, while traveling together on an airplane in adjoining seats. See, I would just assume they were gay, not Stokian, proving the Shield is cleverer than I. Unless, of course, these are gay Stokians, or perhaps Stokia is a gay country entirely. You know: "I'll Stokia, if you'll Stoki-me, too."

The Stokians have a real way with words, and are experts in the Bee Ay Bay code:



Nice outfit, sister Stokey; International Male convinced you that would work, huh?

As I say, the Stokians have a way with words, but it doesn't always make for the best Smack Talk (for most Stokians that means saying, "I'm going to give you SUCH a slap!"). After all, I'm hooked on the hi-octane villain talk comics are known for. I'm used to villains who say things like:
Compare to those espresso shots of villainspeak, this is pretty weak tea:

"Oh, and Lincoln's dead, too! So there!"


Worst part is, this sort of taunting just lowers the level of intellectual discourse between hero and villains, diluting the force of their use as metaphors for conflicting concepts of societal self-organization.

See? I told ya.


Neither are villains impressive when they gather like grade-schoolers in their Garanimals and play at having "big adventures".

"Then we'll make a snow fort and throw snowballs at passing girls!"

Still, he does have one really cool set of enemies...
the U.N. Peacekeeping Forces.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Things That Made Me Happy

... in my comics this week.

  • You deserve to get the joke on page 10 of Legion of Three Worlds, so know your Interlac.
  • The Joker playing with a new toy line from Mattel.
  • The cover of Robin.
  • Well, the "Speed Force" is now officially magic, as far as I'm concerned.
  • "You missed."
  • Interactive Olsen hologram: "I'm guessing you're asking about the enemies of the Legion?"
  • Who IS Red Robin? I love a mystery!
  • R.J.'s entrance; R.J.'s exit.
  • Batman versus the cement.
  • The Clayface cave. Very clever.
  • Superman's proposed solution to Superman Prime, which only he would dare come up with.
  • "I will be free!" Really, if you're not buying SuperFriends, you're missing out on some of the best characterization of DC's icons in years.
  • Hey, isn't Jason's plan the same one that got Stephanie in trouble during War Games?
  • Findster. Ebuy. Macintech. Youspace. I just love DC's Fortune Faux Hundred companies.
  • The Joker as an actual gangster, not just a psychokiller. Refreshing.
  • Catwoman disguising Superman as ... well, himself, essentially.
  • Crediting the writer and artist together as "storytellers"? Classy. A little ambiguous, but still classy.
  • "Make Wonder Woman's Invisible Plane". Adorable.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Shield: Cons

He has the annoying habit of crowing about his recent tricks. In song.
I hate when guys do that. Unless it's me.


The Shield can't hold his breath forever. Wussie.

He's kind of doppish, as we say where I'm from. Zo darn doppish, in fact.

I skipped the part afterward, where he crashes through the tree. Yes, really.


The Shield is not particularly, shall we say, observant. In this scene, he pushes a bad guy out of the way, and then stand their reading files without noticing the man piling up explosives behind him. Next time, he needs to leave the Ronco Electronic Ear at home and spring for some handcuffs instead...

Gotta love the flying, but otherwise undamaged furniture; the Hotel Braganza must get all its stuff from This End Up.

Monday, August 18, 2008

For You Heroclix Folk

Suddenly, I'm looking forward to the new "Arkham Asylum" Heroclix set very much...!

A Batman who sits hidden on the edge of a roof (From Among...) eying a foe, cancels the foe's defensive ability (Outwit), increases his own damage (perplex), throws down a free Smoke Cloud beside the enemy (Dark Knight), then charges to attack him (From Among) under cover of the smoke cloud... all in one turn?!?!?

It's a dream (or nightmare) come true!


The Shield: Pros!

As promised, I will now teach you what you need to know about... THE SHIELD! Remember, this guy is one of the old MLJ heroes who's going to be introduced into the DCU proper via Brave & the Bold.

He can scale walls and was doing it 22-years before Spider-Man was created. He scales them by... um... okay, I have no idea how the Shield is able to simply...
adhere to sheer walls. Force of will, I guess.

And he keeps doing it. Which is very very odd. Why? Because he could simply LEAP to the top of a building instead. More on the leaping later.

He has an electric ear, just like on the commercials. He likes using it a lot, although it never really seems to work. Kind of like that Popeiler or juicemaster you get on QVC and are too proud to give up on. It's kind of endearing.


The Shield is a master chemist. No, really, he's got a PhD and everything.
He'll be perfect to tend bar at the DC Holiday Special!


Unlike many heroes, he's an exemplar of cranial sturdiness:
This man needs to be partnered with Hal Jordan immediately.

He does this... jumpy thing. Usually at planes. FBI 1, TSA 0!

Oh, and he's fireproof. More on that...