Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Why We Hate Adam Strange and Rannies

I have always enjoyed having prowess with words, and have striven toward expressing any of my thoughts or feelings with clarity, and, if possible, with style. But I have fallen into hubris by thinking myself capable of expressing any of my thoughts or feelings.

The gods punish hubris. In my case, with the Showcase Presents: Adam Strange edition.

Just as Adam Strange vanquishes the absurd dangers that beset the feeble Rannians daily, so too he defies my vainly vaunted powers of self-expression. For my abilities in English fail utterly to find a way to express my hatred of Adam Strange and the dirty, stinking Rannians he protects, a hatred that burns hotter than the triple suns of Alpha Centauri.

A triple-sun with a stable planetary system? I can barely type that without stuttering in indignation for Gardner Fox's mockery of science!

My hatred of Adam Strange and the Dirty Stinking Rannies is a matter of public record, and the reasons are clear. That hatred was, indeed, almost my first "theme" on this blog. So the Showcase Presents: Adam Strange edition is like a 510-page slap across the face.

I bought it the day it came out. I read it every day. I am still not finished it, because every few panels I have to scream, or gargle, or wash my hands, or have my spleen attended to.

But it will not defeat me. I am no mere Cloud Creature or Giant Living Atom. I will not bow to thee, "Champion of Rann". Though it may take the remainder of my days, I shall document your turpitudes for all the world to see.

Those who do not truly believe they will be wanted content themselves with being needed, and Adam Strange is their avatar. And there are no needier people than the enfeebled Rannians, who can invent a beam for instantaneous teleportation across 25 trillion miles, but can't change a light bulb without the help of a fin-headed archaeologist that Josh Bernstein could beat up in under 60 seconds. It is the ultimate dysfunctional relationship in comics, with Adam Strange enmeshed in a codependency with an ENTIRE PLANET. Shudder.


On earth, children play at being cowboys, or astronauts, or heroes.

On Rann? Children play...


at being saved by Adam Strange.

21 comments:

rlsims said...

That's just pathetic.

Children play with them making believe "you're" saving them from one danger or another!

Yick. For the kids who identified with Lois Lane falling out of skyscrapers...

Gyuss Baaltar said...

To be fair, if I had been given the opprotunity to have a life sized wind up toy complete with jetpack, I'd have jumped out of windows all day to be rescued by it.

Derek said...

See, me? I'd just take its jetpack for myself.

Blockade Boy said...

"Enfeebled." BWAH!

I guess Rann is an ideal setting for a power fantasy like "Adam Strange": a whole planet populated by nothing but victims. I'm guessing their legal system is tied up with class action nuisance suits, their hospitals are choked with hypochondriacs, and their top-rated game show is "Who's More Deferential?"

MaGnUs said...

Stinking Rannies... it's like the opposit of that planet in Darkwing Duck where everybody was a superhero except for Normal Guy. whose sole purpose was to be rescued by the rest of the planetary population.

Allan said...

Please forgive my naivete (I like to think of it as something closer to charming innocence) but if we are to truly to believe that you, Scipio Garling, hate Adam Strange and the world he protects to the degree that you claim, what possessed you to buy and then read a 510 page book that would then cause you nothing but frustration and misery?

J'accuse!

Methinks thou doth protest too much, Mr. Garling! Much like the unusually vocal homophobe whose anti-gay rhetoric is merely a pathetic ruse to disguise his own man-on-man lusts, your anti-Rannian protests are rank with the odor of hidden desire.

Tell the truth! Deep down in your heart, you know that you yourself are a Rannie! Don't be ashamed! Tell the world and free yourself from this terrible burden! Sure it will be hard and you risk the loss of your friends and family, but in so doing you will be embraced by new friends and start a new family with the "dirty stinking rannies" you once claimed to abhor.

Don't just do it for yourself, but for all of the other closeted Rannians out there who look to The Absorbascon as a role model and who will greatly benefit from your heroic example.

I just ask that after you do, you stay away from me, because if there's one thing I can't stand its those terrible, filthy Rannians and everything they represent.

Mike Loughlin said...

Wait- "Ranagar?" That explains so much.

It seems that manly Thanagar and boy-ly Rann were once combined, USSR-style, into a single planet.

No wonder they've gone to war- people who can't open doors hate to be associated with people who can't change lightbulbs. Those other DC space-societies, ignorant of everything outside their orbits, must have gone for decades thinking "Ranagar" was some sort of real planet without distinct cultures.

totaltoyz said...

A triple-sun with a stable planetary system? I can barely type that without stuttering in indignation for Gardner Fox's mockery of science!


To be fair, Adam Strange was hardly the sole repository of Silver-Age pseudo-science.
According to the Legion of Super-Heroes, a triple sun could not only support a planetary system, but endow any inhabits of its planet with the ability to split themselves into three beings!!

Anonymous said...

A triple-sun with a stable planetary system?

Polaris is a triple-sun system too, so that's a problem not exclusive to Rann.

Scipio said...

Polaris? Who lives there?

Patrick said...

It was called Ranagar before the planets were combined? Wait. Thanagar was destroyed and the Thanagarians did move onto Rann? Apparently I have no clue what happened in the Rann-Thanagar War, and it's barely been 2 years since I read it. Now I have a headache.

beta ray steve said...

They wouldn't wait for Adam Strange to save them. First, Sardath, the sole repository of science for the planet, would have to invent something that would make the danger 100x worse.
Then Adam Strange would fly in for the save.

totaltoyz said...

Polaris? Who lives there?

Why, the Polish, of course.

Anonymous said...

A triple-sun with a stable planetary system?

Actually, it is possible. Take a look at http://www.jpl.nasa.gov/news/news.cfm?release=2005-115.

Ajit.

Arynne said...

Polaris? Who lives there?


Why, Polar Boy, of course.

Jay Cam said...

idjust use a jetpack for me!

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Mallet said...

I have almost all the stories in Archive format and I still almost bought the Showcase.

Yes they are crazy to the point of being evil.

Yes the Rannians are Super Feeble.

Yes the things he fights defy explanation.

But the man is just cool! He beat Herculese with Judo! Coated himself in various metals and fought aliens with killer vaccums! Fought the Tornado Tyrant!

Then again I AM crazy. So, much like a Bizzaro, it's possible every thing I love is the exact opposite of Fantastic.

I mean I squee with joy over Hellstorm.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

Am I the only one who keeps misreding Adam Strange and the Rannies> as something else? I've really got a wrong video collection.

totaltoyz said...

Polaris? Who lives there?


Why, Polar Boy, of course.


Good one!

Question: If a man from Poland is a Pole, what is a man from Holland?

Marcos said...

Ranagar is the name of the capital city on Rann. Originally not related at all to Thanagar...

Accursed Interloper said...

Gyuss Baaltar said...
Am I the only one who keeps misreding Adam Strange and the Rannies> as something else?

Dunno 'bout that, but I can remember way way back to the days when the Rawhide Kid was straight, and his derogatory term for outlaws (when he wasn't calling them "owlhoots") was, yes, "rannies." Not until now did I suspect the philological derivation of this term.