Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The Greatest Villain Never Seen

Who's the most intriguing villain in the DC universe?

It seems like a tough call, in a world full of deformed psychokillers, mad scientists, and giant purple mind-controlling starfish from outer space. But I know who gets my vote:


Don't beat yourself up if you don't know who Gypo-Bax is. After all, he never got a Mego, never showed up in a crossover cameo, never even got mentioned in the DC Encyclopedia. In fact, we've never seen Gypo-Bax, we have no background information about Who He Is and How He Came To Be, and we have no knowledge of anything he has ever done.

We just know one thing about Gypo-Bax:

He's as evil as Sinestro.

Or even more evil.

Remember, the whole Green Lantern story is kind of a high school sitcom. Hal Jordan is an annoyingly macho brain-dead jock-type and Sinestro is his Reggie Von Mantle, who participates in annual Evil Popularity Contests. I mean, look at Sinestro:

You just know they called this guy "Screech" in high school; that's why he became evil and changed his named to Sinestro. But the only people he beats out in the popularity contest are the foreign students, Gny-Gryngg, Borbrydi, and Karo-Thynn. Sinestro may surely be evil, but he gets outwitted regularly by Hal Jordan, a man so dim he wears only loafers and boots because knots are so confusing.

Poor Sinestro; Gypo-Bax kicks his butt two years in a row.

Yes, as ridiculous as the Qwardian evil popularity contest was the first time they used it in a Green Lantern story, they used it again, compounding the absurdity. But it leaves a gaping hole in the Green Lantern tapestry...

Who is Gypo-Bax? What does he do that's so evil? Do Qwardian children see Gypo-Bax's face on their box of Meanies, the breakfast of evil champions? Does he dislike Hostess Fruit Pies with Real Fruit Filling? Is he the former DMV director on Oa?

Was/is Gypo-Bax actually more evil than Sinestro or just a lot more successful at it? And now that Sinestro is like Bill Gates, all powerful and able to make people work for him at Microsoft/The Sinestro Corps, does he take any revenge on Gypo-Bax? Does he send evil bug-people with tiny rings to eat G-B from the inside out? Does an aged Gypo-Bax, now in a wheelchair at the Old Evil Folks Home, get a invitation to the Corps, exult for a minute in his regained vitality and newfound power, only to have Sinestro show up and shout "PSYCH!" and snatch the ring back? Now THAT would be evil.

Come on, Geoff Johns. How can you pass up this opportunity?

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Hal Jordan, "a man who only wears loafers and boots...because knots are too confusing."

Thank you Scipio, this may be the most perfect description of Hal that I have ever seen. And I LOVE Hal. It's just that he does have this idiotic side to him...!

Anyway, Gypo-Bax does sound like an intriguing villain, and if anybody can put him to good use, it has to be Geoff Johns.
Wait, it says in that captain that all values are upside-down, so does that mean Sinestro's at the bottom of the heap and is only superior to whomever Gypo-Bax is?
Why isn't there a Gypo-Bax Corps?
Gypo-Bax is really the Qwardian name for Superman. He's more evil because of all those tricks he plays on Lois and Jimmy to Teach Them A Lesson.
Dude, I am so totally all over this! Just give me like, half a day.
"Meanwhile, some hours earlier..."

I love the Silver Age.
I am willing to bet that Geoff Johns already has a Gypo-Bax story either in his head, or written down somewhere. He seems to catch every obscure little bit of continuity, and I'm sure he recently read all the Sinestro stories.

Heck, Gypo-Bax might be one of the mysterious "Anti-Guardians" who are running the Sinestro Corps.
I don't know what makes that guy so evil, but the new DCU is the place where we may be able to find out.
Ah the Silver Age it's silliness was truly awe inspiring. We need more lighthearted stuff like this from the comics industry today.

Oh and i'm waiting for the Gypo-Bax miniseries! Come on Geoff Johns!
No no no! The Anti-Guardians are the Anti-*Monitors*... Mark my words!
The Evil Popularity Contests of Qward... man, that takes me back. I haven't been to Qward since Hal Jordan won the Evilest Foreigner Award in 1994.
This reminds of a ploy used during the Golden Age of Hollywood: For years, when a scene in a movie showed a theater marquee, unless there was a reason for a particular film to be listed (historical reason, biopic), one studio (think it was Warners) invariably showed a fictional film called "Another Dawn" playing. Eventually, someone actually released a film by that name.
I don't know, how threatening can a villain be, whose name sounds like a brand of laundry detergent?

"New and improved Gypo-Bax! Now with bleach alternative!"

There you are. My depiction of what Gypo-Bax must have looked like. A giant disembodied, nazi, planet destroying, square-pupiled dude that was the size of a small moon.

That's no moon, it's Gypo-Bax...
Wait...what in Seven Hells is Doiby friggin' Dickles doing there next to Sinestro?
Gypo-Bax actually does show up in that first story, trying to preserve his top score by telling Sinestro that he hasn't won unless GL is really dead. The problem is that he looks like practically any other Qwardian. It's the normal-looking types you have to watch out for.
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