Thursday, May 09, 2024

Speed Saunders: Think of the Time I Save!

 

Intro: 

[SAUNDERS]

I'm an Ace Investigator,


And an Ace Investigator can't waste time

For an Ace investigator to waste time

Is a crime!

So I'm ruled by the tick tick tock

And I live my life by the clock

I live my life by the tick tick tock of the clock.





Verse 1:
[SAUNDERS]

When I go to sleep,

I don't undress.

Oh yes, I sleep in all my clothes.


(You must confess!)

I have just one suit that's my fave.

Well, I will admit that the suit looks bad--

double-breasted, puce, Glenurqhart plaid--


But think of the time I save!



[USEFUL FEMALE INFORMANTS]
Think of the time he saves!


Verse 2:
[SAUNDERS]

When the Speed-phone rings, 


there's someone dead;


and no one left that I can save.


Because they're dead.

Though there is danger, I am brave.

Well, the victim drips, 


and the dead get wet,


And oh, what a lousy clue I get,


But think of the time I save!


[USEFUL FEMALE INFORMANTS]
Think of the time he saves!


Bridge:
[USEFUL FEMALE INFORMANTS]
Tick tock, tick tock, just six pages;
Tick tock, tick tock, time goes by!

[SAUNDERS]
How I love to wake the Dean, researching alumni!

Verse 2:
[SAUNDERS]

At traveling time, 
I silhouette

And hide inside a garbage can

Then pump your guts

Or maybe send you to your grave;

then use the Saundersmobile, too,

to run into someone with a clue

But think of the time I save!

[USEFUL FEMALE INFORMANTS]
Think of the time he saves!

Bridge:
[USEFUL FEMALE INFORMANTS]
Tick tock, tick tock, so few panels
Tick tock, tick tock, time goes by!

[SAUNDERS]
I’ll be sitting counting seconds 'til the end is nigh


Verse 3:
[SAUNDERS]

And when it comes, 

I have a plan

Before it's done, I'll solve the case

That's what I said


Before it's done, I'll solve the case

'Cause when two panels still remain

I don't care if I sound insane,

But think of the time I'll save!


[USEFUL FEMALE INFORMANTS]
Think of the time he'll save!


5 comments:

Bryan L said...

*applause*
Masterfully done. And it inspires me to haiku, a form which is uniquely suited to Speed.

Speed Saunders is here
Murder has been committed
Solved before dinner

Scipio said...

Nice.

Kevin Street said...

Bravissimo! When Speed Saunders, Detective gets his inevitable blockbuster movie, we know who needs to write all the musical numbers.

tad said...

Speed sits at the right hand of God (but a little lower, like up to God's knee) there is no doubt.

Anonymous said...

I have long been in awe of your ability to rework lyrics. The touch I notice, and adore, is how you carefully reuse key words from the original but with a different meaning or context. And when you can't do that, you very often preserve the rhymes from the original.

There aren't many people in the field of superheroes vs musical theater, but I'm glad we've got you on the case.

- HJF1