The Human Falcon: the Zoo Caper

Yesterday, Detective John Jones was stymied in his attempt to stop the left of some priceless bird-of-paradise plumes by avian villain The Falcon.

As portrayed by Academy Award-winning British actor Jim Broadbent.

Today we find out what the Falcon wanted the priceless plumes for: INTERIOR DESIGN.

"Cozy cave, obsequious parrot, quartet of caged ostriches, some priceless plumes; YES. It's all coming together QUITE NICELY. a-hahahahahaha!"

How long do you think it look him to teach Iago there to say that?  Why in heaven's name does he have a quartet of ostriches? The Falcon has dreams and goals and they are not for us to understand.  He's been working on this for YEARS.

"Peter"? Who names a parrot "Peter"? Stan Lee, take off that mask!

But Detective John Jones has dreams, too; dreams of catching the Falcon!

The first giant Golden Eagle in captivity? Um, Genghis Kahn (1167-1227), whose people had already been practicing giant Golden Eagle falconry for a thousand years or two, would like a word with you.

Not a bad guess, JJ.  I don't know why everyone calls you stupid (although your resting fullback face is certainly partly to blame).

Sure enough, the Falcon obligingly appears...out of the sky!

I call foul!  The splash panel showed the Falcon picking up the cage WITH HIS OWN HAND.  Yet another metaphorical cover/splash page, where This Scene Does Not Appear In This Comic.

Now, it's 1959, and J'onn COULD have probably averted this by enlisting the cooperation of the newly-created Federal Aviation Agency, but JJ always insists on doing everything himself using his wild array of powers in some odd way.  

Because it's not like you could take out your service revolver and just shoot the plane's gas tank, an idea that even a TV studio guard would have.  You ARE kind of thick, aren't you, John?

But, the Falcon (who, after all, has been planning all this for years) is way ahead of him with another distraction tactic.

In Apex City, there is ALWAYS a nearby flock of Apexians to endanger.

Note that, since J'onn is invisible, the Falcon is simply releasing the lion FOR FUN. Or just a general practice of causing disturbances to cover his getaways.  In either case, I am impressed.

Okay.  You've read enough Martian Manhunter stories; time for a test to see how closely you pay attention.  Can YOU deduce how the Martian Manhunter deals with the escaped lion?

• A.  Walks up invisibly and firmly but gently uses his super-strength and invulnerability to push the lion back into its cage.
• B. Uses his telepathy to calm the lion into returning to its cage.
• C. Lures the lion back to its cage with an ice cream cone he conjured atom-by-atom with his mind from the void of space.  Plus, lions aren't that into ice cream.
• D.  Uses his Martian breath to simply BLOW the beast back into its den because Mars-halation is his default long-distance power.

A?  Too direct and simple; you fail Martianing 101. 

B? No. Of course not. J'onn doesn't HAVE telepathy, remember? It's the only power he DOESN'T have. Except for flying.

C?  A temptingly bizarre choice. But J'onn can only conjure an ice cream if he's got an ice cream cone in front of him to model it after. I mean, the man's not a magician, you know.

D?  You cannot be faulted for choosing D.  It is the choice most consistent with how MM operates. HOWEVER...

That is how he solved the PREVIOUS situation and the Martian Manhunter never uses the same trick twice IN A ROW.  The answer is therefore obvious. It's...

E. SPINNING

REMEMBER: 
All problems that can be solved by spinning must be solved by spinning.
It's the first rule of Martian power use.

What good on earth does THIS do?  Well, J'onn had just spun a big hole in the ground.  And as stupid as John Jones may be....

... male lions are stupider.

Falling safes. Falconplanes.  Meteors. Rampaging lions. Giant Robot Bears.  Sudden sinkholes.  Exploding water towers.  Since Apexians spend all their time flocking around town and gawking, they have seen it all and so accept every weird occurrence with childlike innocence.  No wonder the Martian Manhunter decided to settle there.

Once again Detective John Jones (despite having godlike powers) has failed to stop the Falcon from committing a spectacular robbery in broad daylight before a crowd of witnesses.

"You know, Jones,  I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but...
have you ever even TRIED to just shoot his gas tank?"

Tomorrow: Captain Harding IN ACTION!