1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrrow

Let's return to someone whom I and the rest of the world have abused a lot--but not nearly enough. Green Arrow. I figure I have to get my licks in now, because, frankly, I fear my worst nightmare is looming on the horizon: an acceptable make-over of Green Arrow (Oliver Queen). Yes, all the advance word I'm reading about how Green Arrow will be portrayed in the New 52 sounds like he just might be a unique, interesting, and likable character. Damnation! Is nothing sacred? But before we lose him forever, let us pay homage to one of comics' greatest and most enduringly and unendearingly unlikeable buffoons. My idea for doing so came from a story title that I recently stumbled upon in researching a previous, unrelated post: "1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow". "1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow"?! How delicious! Why, it sounded like something I myself might write! Here's a description of that story from the scholarly and extremely kind Dr. Mike Grost of Detroit:

1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow (1952). Writer: France E. Herron. Art: George Papp. A professor sells a book called "1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow" to the underworld, full of pre-planned schemes to defeat Green Arrow. Many of the schemes here involve understanding Green Arrow's psychology, then using his typical responses against him. This is a subtle approach. Green Arrow eventually understands this. Herron would write other tales of psychological manipulation by bad guys, such as "The Invasion From Indiana" (Strange Adventures #49, October 1954). Green Arrow's eventual call to abandon his predictable use of logic has a Rimbaud like feel.

Of the many astonishing things I have seen or might reasonably imagine seeing some day, a description of a Green Arrow story as having a "Rimbaud-like feel" was not one of them. Unless, of course, one focuses on the point in his life where...

Rimbaud's behaviour became outwardly provocative; he drank alcohol, spoke rudely, composed scatological poems, stole books from local shops, and abandoned his hitherto characteristically neat appearance by allowing his hair to grow long.^. At the same time he wrote to Izambard about his method for attaining poetical transcendence or visionary power through a "long, intimidating, immense and rational derangement of all the senses.

Because that actually sounds a lot like Ollie Queen to me. "1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow" was originally published in this comic (Adventure Comics 174):

As much as I want to focus on Green Arrow, I'm also dying to find out about How Lana Lang Invented Lesbian Chic. Some other day, perhaps.

"1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow" was reprinted in this Bronze-Age issue of Brave & Bold.

Because when you've got to put a Haney-penned B&B story that makes Batman look ridiculous in the front of the book, there's only one way to make him look better: put a Green Arrow story in the back.

Anyway, so this Professor of Evil writes a book with 1001 chapters, each one of which tells you a different way to defeat Green Arrow. If I had such a book, I would read a chapter every day, like a quotidian devotional, a veritable The Upper Room for Green Arrow haters. Except "1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow" is really more like asubtitle; it needs a catchy title like "Easy Target: 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow". But, sadly, I do not have 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow the book; I don't even have 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow the story. I don't own it, can't get a copy, and can only find this one page on line: So with your help I'll just have to make it up! What are 1001 ways to defeat Green Arrow? I want this to be an ongoing series, something to soothe our souls with the stupidity of classic Green Arrow during these lean and hungry years to come while we must endure this new, cool and interesting version of Green Arrow in the New DCU. I'll need YOUR suggestions, either here or emailed to me at scipiogarling@gmail.com. Here, let me start the ball rolling!

1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow, #1: Window bars. 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow, #2: Mock the 'Arrow-Car'. 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow, #3: Take away his arms.... and his teeth. 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow, #4: Ice cream man suit + bad hair day = fail. 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow, #5: Report him to Child Services. 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow, #6: Wait for him to expose himself. Or, at least, his secret identity. 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow, #7: Bring a gun. You don't even have to fire it. 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow, #8: Use a circus clown. 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow, #9: Require him to use the donut arrow. 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow, #10: Judd Winick

See how easy it is?! Now it's YOUR turn....!