I'm sick with a bad cold, headache, fever, sweats, the works. I'm alone with no one to take care of me. And it's pouring rain as it has been all day.
But you know what still comforts me...? You know why I'm not depressed...?
BECAUSE AT LEAST I'M NOT SUPERGIRL.
Supergirl, the Heroine of Vain. The Queen of the Clockwork Universe. The Bride of Destiny, the Sultana of Fate, the Dateless Duenna of Determinism.
Because Supergirl reminds you...
You life is a meaningless game in which you are utterly powerless.
Your every triumph leads to defeat.
Your life is nothing but a series of obstacles, delays, and frustration.
And you're fat or going to be fat.
Shall we play...
The Supergirl Game?
If you roll 1-4, you lose a turn. This will be after being shackled to a mundane life of deceit and mediocrity in a ratty pig-tailed wig, losing your powers, gaining a powerful foe, or fighting the destructive viruses that lurk within the human blood stream. Or all of the above.
If you manage to avoid all that with a roll of 5-6, you get to
ENTER DICK MALVERNE
Ugh. Of course he's 100% bottom.
and/or thus regain your powers.
Oh, squee! Our powers are back and we are getting ahead 2 spaces! There is hope, I wonder what's 2 spaces--
Gosh, that's swell! Now I can be an even better Secret Weapon for Superman, since I'm now less vulnerable than he is! Nothing can stop me now as I go ahead 3 spaces to...
Oh. Um. Okay. Infinity. That's a hard one to fight, isn't it? Guess I'll just bravely except this setback as I go 2 spaces in reverse where
Oh, no. I become... FAT?! No, no, no! Maybe... maybe my adopted parents are right. Maybe it's... just a phase! I'll wait it out then press forward to
Wait; that's pointless!
Oh not! Not again! *S0b*!
Maybe if get to ...
It's just not fair. Life is not fair!
But maybe if I keep waiting and trying I can...
wind up with a boyfriend without human pudenda or a creepy stalker geek who has a crush on me a 1000 years from now and who knows how brutally and pointlessly I'm going to die!.
Always remember, when you're down, folks, that...