Last night I went to see the Incredible Hulk with a friend.
It wasn't bad. But I'm hard-pressed to say it was good. As my friend put it, "Why was the Hulk himself the most believable thing in the movie?"
Honestly, I loved the Ang Lee version; very artsy, perfect capturing of the feel of reading a comic book. It just needed 50 to 70 percent less Nick Nolte blathering and 50 to 70 percent more Naked Eric Bana. But I always watch it again if I happen upon it on the television. I'm not sure I'd be as interested in seeing this new version a second time.
This new version just raised too many questions... .
- So. Mr. Blue just kinda ... never mentioned what he was so excitedly planning?
- Was Stan Lee's cameo designed with my wish fulfillment in mind, or is that just happy coincidence?
- Has there ever been a cheaper short-cut to "this guy's an asshole" than tranqing the dog?
- Isn't "We don't have any condoms and the world's not ready for Skaar: The Movie" a better reason than "Our lovemaking would undoubtedly be so athletically rigorous that it would push my heart rate above 95% of maximum?"
- Doesn't anyone notice that Betty Ross has been kidnapped and replaced by Natasha from the Bullwinkle Show?
- Do they really think generals get drunk at public bars in uniform rather than changing or were they just afraid we wouldn't be able to recognize him without it?
- Could Tim Roth have been more wrong for his role? Couldn't they hire someone more appropriate like, say, Alan Cummings, Paul Reubens, or Tim Curry?
- Did you too wonder what the exact sequence of events was that took us from Point A (Hulk carrying Betty off out flaming debris in the middle of college campus while surrounded by the military) to Point B (cave, wet, rainy, night)?
- So, did they loan Blonsky a U.S. uniform 'cuz his British one was, I dunno, at the cleaners?
- Wait... so that guy's only function in the whole movie is to call General Ross a liar?
- Are Manhattanites -- even Marvel ones -- that stupid that they don't just get out of the way?
- Bruce, forget about the Hulk problem; don't you think you should see a cardiologist immediately, given your inappropriate heart rates?
- Could Ross be any less effective at keeping his soldiers -- to say nothing of his daughter -- out of harm's way?
- Do you think there's a lot of blood in South American soda?
- Does the Hulk not know the difference between "smash" and "choke"?
- And she had a camera with her why, exactly?
- Is it legal for William Hurt to continue receive an actor salary, even though he's clearly dead?
- Does Betty Ross have that same disease everybody gets in The Happening?