Saturday, June 30, 2007

My Hands-Down Favorite Moment in Sinestro Corps

As I'm sure you've heard or experienced firsthand already, there's quite a lot going in Sinestro Corps #1.

Quite a lot.

But I wanted to share with you my favorite moment. If you have your copy handy, please finger through to the section where Kyle, John, Guy, and Stewart are having lunch together at Cafe Oa. It's when Kyle is being vulnerable, sharing an intimate childhood memory with his friends about his recently deceased mother.


It's touching, with Kyle being so uncharacteristically serious and thoughtful and his friends quietly listening to him.

I just ... just can't help but imagine what's going through Hal Jordan's mind as Kyle tells him this story....


"GOD, my hands are beautiful!

Now these are what I could stare at for hours!
It's a pity no one can see my manicure through these gloves, though. Maybe I should switch to some fingerless ones? "

Friday, June 29, 2007

In Which I Speak the Name of Fear Itself

It is the name that fanboys dare not speak, and in a collective conspiracy of silence, we say it never. Perhaps it is for fear that to speak The Name is to invoke its evil, and that like the Devil or the Candyman, its mere mention would bring The Evil Itself upon us again.

We laugh blithely about the Joker, the Spectre, the Scarecrow, Neron, and Eclipso. We speak their names casually and constantly, as if these avatars of terror were old friends. For we do not fear their return. We welcome them with open arms, and, having learned of their advent, rush to share the good news with our friends.

But we do not speak the name of that which we truly fear. Which we meta-fear. The name of...

Aunt Harriet


Thanks to the new Batman Showcase edition, we get to remember that Bruce and Dick used to have an aunt living with them (does it really matter whose aunt she was?) who kept trying to uncover their secret identity.


I just love the panels above! I enjoy picturing Madge Blake toiling away in the hot sun, blacktopping an entire road by hand, by herself, in an afternoon.

"Goodness gracious! Blacktopping is such thirsty work! But I don't mind doing it, if it will help trap my beloved relatives in my web of manipulation and deceipt. Why, it's the least a citizen can do!"

I like to picture her eventually dying that way, laying some byzantine trap for her young charges, keeling over face-first from heat prostration into the still steaming pitch, which sears the flesh from her skull, and her attempts to scream as she loses consciousness are stifled by the black morass oozing down her throat. Then her corpse goes on to host some forgotten DC horror comic (Garden Shed of Mystery!), to be remembered only when aging hefty drag queens dress as her for Halloween ("What do you mean, who am I? I'm Harriet the Harridan, you nit! From Garden Shed of Mystery. Oh, for pete's sake... AUNT HARRIET!")

Or sometimes I just picture her snooping around until she tumbles down an open elevator shaft, clawing at the sides and the cable vainly, as her fingers are snapped and shredded, only to land with a wet thud on the roof of the Batcave service elevator, her broken bones piercing internal organs that will cause her to slowly hemorrhage to death over several excruciating hours of sharp pain, while a ridiculous flowered hat floats down to land squarely on her shocked face, so that her own death smells to her like VO5 and Dippity Doo. It's times like that I really wish I could draw.
Sometimes, I picture her succumbing to fates even more gruesome than those, like being slowly consumed by some hideous freak of nature...


So, if you're not afraid to speak The Name, how do you picture

Aunt Harriet


dying?


P.S. Oh, and in case you're wondering how Aunt Harriet began to suspect that Bruce and Dick were Batman and Robin...

she discovered the Batcave under Wayne Manor.

THEN she decided to prove they were Batman and Robin. Everything Morrison's ever done pales beside the craziness of that kind of Silver Age thinking.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

  • Watching the Sportsmaster spank the JSA.
  • Okay, if those are Yankees fans, that is definitely another universe.
  • Batman at the Korean War Memorial.
  • For you kids out there. Just so you know.
  • Traci Thirteen versus Eclipso and some of sweetest smack talk on record.
  • The splash panel of Lesbian Heaven. Who knew it had owls?
  • Jean Loring threatening to remove the hearts of innocent little babies. Probably with her teeth.
  • Gosh, Forerunner's hair grows fast!
  • Stygian Bees.
  • Even Billy has trouble remembering that Captain Marvel's name isn't "Shazam".
  • Wait; did Superman just Charge to hit her with a dumpster? That's 5 clicks plus 2 for the dumpster, and I think she may have taken knockback damage. I'm becoming increasingly convinced that they play Heroclix at DC HQ... a lot.
  • The Monster Within Blue Beetle.
  • The Reverse Flash versus the real Justice Leaguers, while the B Team stands around with their mouths open.
  • Miss Martian versus Supergirl.
  • Batman's Battle Laptop.
  • Jimmy Olsen: blurring the line between bravery and outrageous stupidity for 60 years!
  • The fact that everything I thought was going to happen at the end of Countdown happens by about, oh, halfway through Sinestro Corps. THEN it gets really serious.
  • I cannot wait until Jaime Reyes meets his new girlfriend's father.
  • Why Mrs. Rayner never got better.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The 31st Century still observes Haikuesday

Well, it's not exactly "flowing", but Brainy's never really been the artistic type...


"All I really care
about is that we got who
we wanted." The End.

Perhaps you have your haiku on this panel or the Lightning Saga or the like?

NEW Big Monkey Podcast Availlable!


Please listen to us discuss:

The Legion of Super Heroes!

Something called, I believe, "the X-Men"!

And the Glory That is Heroclix!

P.S. You really do NOT want to miss Devon as the Voice of Orion. Really.

Monday, June 25, 2007

The Worst Comic Book Ever ...?


Usually, I try to focus on the positive here (I mean, as much as necessary snark allows). Nor do I usually rely heavily on the commentary of my fellow bloggers. But today I veer from that goal to examine a particular question:

Is it possible that JLA #10 is the worst superhero comic book ever?

Now, I realize that's not the claim that Greg Burgas is making. But one could make the case that it should be made.

First, let me clarify: by "worst", I do not mean on an absolute scale. Clearly, there are worse comics. I mean, after all, I own a complete run of the Detroit League. I've read Sword of Atlantis. I've read the Teen Titans Showcase Edition. Heck, I owned Dell's Super Heroes #1 (which really is the worst superhero comic book ever on an absolute scale); 40 years later, many of its readers still run shrieking from even a mention of the word "superhero", and some are still institutionalized and hoping that tonight is Pudding Night.

But we often temper our estimation of how "bad" something is by our expectations. You expect a cheap film made quickly with a hand-held camera and improvisational acting to be bad, which is why Blair Witch Project is "brilliant"; you expect a well-funded release from master of semiotic cinematography Peter Greenaway to be good, which is why The Pillow Book is nothing short of excruciating.

JLA #10 (and the "Lightning Saga" it culminates) comes with unavoidably high expectations. It's the JLA, for one thing. Plus, some new recruits the author has almost desperately been trying to sell us on as "JLA-level" and "part of the in-crowd". Add in the entire fricking JSA, a good chunk of the Legion of Super-Heroes, the (possible) return of the Wally West and Barry Allen, and tie it all up with a redux of the original "Revolving Door of Death" and its Ultimate Sacrifice. Oh, with special guest villains the Ultra-Humanite, Despero, and Per Degaton. And have it written by a best-selling author, one with deep love and knowledge of the characters involved, the same man who wrote the miniseries that sparked Infinite Crisis.

Really. If you're going to presume to do that, it had better be good. Perhaps even darned good. And, yet, as Greg Burgas correctly details ... it wasn't. Some have belittled his criticism of the issue, damning it as a reflection of his lack of familiarity with the beginning of the story and the characters in it, rather than any intrinsic deficiency in the storytelling.

I couldn't disagree with them more. Unlike Greg, I was familiar with every single reference, every single name, every single character backstory, not only from reading the beginning of the story, but from the reading the 50 years worth of comic book history it's based on. Yet I agree with his assessment wholeheartedly. As a commenter mentions, that background knowledge doesn't make the comic less confusing, just confusing for different reasons (such as internal contradictions, misplaced focus, mischaracterizations, defiance of continuity, etc.).

Confusing art. Did Zatanna magically elfinize Power
Girl's face, and did Wally spend his time off posing for Tom of Finland?

Confusing "dialog boxes". Not even I am gay enough to think that dialog boxes
should match someone's outfit [Blockade Boy: please weigh in on this].
Whose idea was this and do they still have a closet full of
Garanimals?

Confusing dialog. I mean in the word b-- . I
guess we know what they're going-- . I mean, we don't really
care whether they fin--. Oh, apparently, Brad decided to use
"serialocution"
again for the JLA and go it one better with ridiculous "stereophonic speech",
like Batman and Green Lantern use in this issue.

Confusing "moments". You "ducked"? Really, what the heck is that supposed to mean? Actually, I saw the lightning hit you, Karate Kid (through the force field, which you were supposed to have dropped). Is that just meaningful or just another one of those "cool moments" Brad seems to write everything around? I spent a year pondering what would assuredly be the ingenious, writer-ly ending of
Identity
Crisis
only to be blindsided by an absurdist conclusion so crazy that Jean
Loring herself wouldn't have dared write it and so scientifically preposterous
(even by the internal standards of comic book science) that even Gardner Fox
would have laughed at it. There are no satisfactory conclusions in any of Meltzer's writing, just red herrings and "gotchas".

Confusing characterization. No, I'm not bothered by the fact that the Legion keeps from Superman -- oh, excuse me... "Clark" (you know, I've read just about every Legion story ever written and I can't remember any one of them ever calling him "Clark") -- their purpose in being there. I mean, I love the Legionnaires, but they're secrective, deceptive jerks, and always have been. Did you know they used to mindwipe Superboy everytime he went back to his time, without his permission? Yeah, well, he didn't know that either....

But why the JLA and JSA treat the LSH as a threat and why Superman doesn't
know that when they don't share information is because they are trying to
protect the future is utterly beyond my understanding of the characters.
Honestly, with all the first names, personal focus, heroes versus heroes rather
than villains, and Bendisian dialog, it's like I'm reading
"What If...
Marvel Owned the JLA, the JSA, and the LSH?"
It's pretty clear that what
you have here is a writer whose Child Within loves the DC characters, but whose Adolescent Within desperately needs to re-make them as hip, edgy, personalized Marvel characters. Comic book characters are like husbands; maybe you can improve the way they dress, but don't wed yourself to them if you're planning on changing them into a different person.

Confusing plot. Yeah, I think I'll leave this one to the Peanut Gallery.

Yet, there are some people who liked it. Well, historically speaking most JLA stories are, in fact, awful, no matter how fondly we remember them. If you're reading Countdown, I hope you are having as much fun as I am watching the Monitors try to lend dignity to the horrible old multiversal crossovers they are recalling; good luck with that when you're voicing over an image of Superman fighting Cary Bates. Oh, how I wish you we could retcon Superboy Prime into that battle, because the Rolling of Cary Bates would be my favorite comic book character of all time.

Anyway, you know what I think; what do you think?

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Jean Loring Attacks!

Jean Loring & Co. (10 figures at 400 points)

ID Name Points
cd092Eclipso
132
leF004 Feat Fortitude25
cdF003 Feat Ambush5
cdF006 Feat Running Start5
leB001Token Iris West-Allen
3
leB006Token Carol Ferris
3
U030Two-Face
61
icF004 Feat Sidekick (to Eclipso)
10
cd079Mary Marvel
99
cd064Dr. Light
57

vs.

Sword of Ray Palmer (12 figures at 399 points)

ID Name Points
o048The Atom
64
oF010 Feat Thwart15
oF003 Feat Dissent18
o046The All-New Atom
24
icF004 Feat Sidekick (to the Atom)
10
leF001 Feat Armor Piercing10
o058Hawkman
59
leF002 Feat Damage Shield10
gi004Rita Farr
76
cdF006 Feat Running Start5
gi005Giganta
108
cdF004 Feat The Society
0