Mystery Analysts: Wonder Woman

I say "Wonder Woman" rather than name a city, because who really knows where Wonder Woman lives? It's one of my pet peeves about her.  

Real-world Boston seemed random and inappropriate; who moves to cold cramped Boston from Paradise Island? John Byrne's "Gateway City" was an utter cipher; I'd be shocked if any of you could tell me a single thing about it (without looking it up), especially since virtually no writer has cared to use it again (until Ultimate Wonder Woman).  

Part of Wonder Woman's geographic problem is that she's not FROM any U.S. city (as are Batman, Flash, Green Lantern, Green Arrow, and many others). She needs a REASON to locate in a particular city of her own and The National Capital of the country she's living in seems like a pretty logical place.  Just put her in Washington, where the character started. Besides, with its low skyline and classical architecture it's probably the city that seem most familiar to a resident of Themyscira. It's weird and artificial enough that it might as well be a fictionopolis, any way.  Or fictionalize Washington as "Federal City", an idea I think is long overdue.

But let's move on to our task of giving her some Mystery Analysts, which she clearly needs as a resource. Zeus knows I love Little Miss Marchy Boots, but a detective she ain't. She couldn't even figure out who killed her OWN PUBLICIST.

The case remains one of DC's best and most famous mysteries, which Wonder Woman totally did not solve.

But who on earth would be among Wonder Woman's Mystery Analysts?  It would be great if they could be, say, all women and one token man, as an inverse of the Mystery Analysts of Gotham. Unfortunately, Wonder Woman's mythos doesn't much support that.  She's got lots of women in her historical cast, but most of her "professional help" is men.

Ed Indelicato

Wonder Woman's partner in trying to solve Mayer's murder was Boston detective Ed Indelicato, a surprisingly memorable character.

It helped that Ed was deeply weird and very human.

Simply put, Indelicato, who later retired and became an author (of crime fiction, I presume) make him a no-brain among WW's Mystery Analysts. He's the "Kaye Daye" (weird memorable crime fiction author).

Those glasses are like Kaye Daye's hats.

Unlike many members of the Mystery Analysts (the original or my own versions), he's a colorful character, quickly conveyed and easily identifiable,  which is useful for characters who have to share their screen time with others.

Chic Novelle

Well, this is a reach!  Chic Novelle is a Golden Age Wonder Woman character, a follower of sexist investigative journalist Selldom Wright (why HE is not my choice should be doubly obvious).  She shifts from being one of his informants to investigating on her own behalf and helps Wonder Woman capture the "Blue Seal Gang" (one of those tawdry pin-striped suit gangs so many Golden Agers wasted their time on).

Chic was handy with guns, too. I'd like to imagine an updated version of her would still accoutre herself in a 1940s manner, just because she's a gal with style.

I Ching

Oh, yes; I went there.

I Ching is, of course, the absurdly stereotypical Wise Old Blind Chinese Sensei who mentored (i.e., mansplained) Diana Prince through her de-powered, karate-chopping, gunning-toting, boutique-owning era in the 1970s. But, as long-time readers of this blog will remember, the BEST thing about Ching is how clearly he and Diana DETEST each other. 

"I cannot WAIT to see what pathetic losers they match you up with, Diana!"
"I'll take some pictures for you, Ching. Oh, wait, that's right..."

Naturally, an updated version would need a more sensibly first name than "I". Or, since Ching is canonically dead (Diana's inability to save him was a perfect capstone to their passive-aggressive relationship), perhaps a DAUGHTER could be substituted.  I always thought it odd that Diana's mentor during this (or any) period would be a man, rather than a woman.

It would avoid... a lot of the unpleasantness inherent in "I Ching" and his relationship with Diana.  An "Isadora Ching" who perhaps knows martial arts like her father (grandfather?) and is a Chinese-American private detective would bring some snap to Diana's Mystery Analysts while being a fine nod to her lore.

Tom (Nemesis) Tresser 

Another one of DC's turtle-necked master of disguise espionage types. He has a history with Wonder Woman as her male sidekick at one point.  

And her side-piece.

They had this annoying and sad situation where they were sleeping together and he thought it was more than that, but it really wasn't.  He was a substitute in more ways than one for Steve Trevor and the story basically admitted that.

I would have probably preferred hard-boiled P.I. Tim Trench for this spot in WW's Mystery Analysts, because his relationship with Diana during her de-powered era actually had some crunch to it. But Trench was murdered pretty famously in a JLA locked room mystery and it's probably best to let (eternally) sleeping dogs lie.

And I DO love Tom's hair.  It's got that Gumby/Capt. Pike thing going on.

Besides, having a former beau among one's Mystery Analysts is an interesting wrinkle and might give Tresser a way to stand out as a character (something he never did on his own).

Etta Candy

Ordinarily, I wouldn't pick someone from a hero's "inner circle" for a Mystery Analyst slot. One of the purposes of Mystery Analysts concept is to help expand a hero's supporting cast, not merely consolidate it.  But DC is often at a loss as to what to DO with Etta Candy in the modern era, where Fat Funny Friends are not the norm.  

And, sadly, there aren't as many Japanese princesses who need spanked in comics as there used to be. Not even in Wonder Woman comics.

Etta's modern incarnation is in Military Intelligence (or some such), so giving her deductive talents would be pretty consistent.  Even without the Mystery Analysts, giving Wonder Woman a sidekick who is actually better at figuring out what's going on would not only be refreshing, but free up Wonder Woman to lasso people and toss things about as she does.

And to march. 
Wonder Woman needs plenty of time to march, march, march.

Trevor Barnes

How Dr. Domino would enjoy yanking that tie!

A currently unused character from Wonder Woman's past supporting casts, he is associated with diplomatic matters, which would make him a good choice as an "international troubleshooter" who relies on his worldliness to solve mysteries that might stump others.

He's was absolutely terrible and being the trusting superhero love interest who gets into scapes/is kidnapped, so an independent Mystery Analyst seems like a better role for him.

Plus, he's not remembered well, so rejiggering who and what he is a tad to fit with the Mystery Analysts probably wouldn't upset many people.

Mystery Analysts: Aquaman

Aquaman may not really have a city per se (I don't count Atlantis and Amnesty Bay seems like a small town that would only have mysteries to solve if Jessica Fletcher lived there), but I'm sure he needs Mystery Analysts as much as anyone.  Great guy, very powerful, awesome hair, but not a detective, so I'm sure he could use some help when confronted with mysteries and clues.

Q.E.D.

Fortunately, in his case there are some obvious candidates (omitting the Sea Devils, who deserve to have their own thing going on).

Sea Sleuth

Phineas Pike, a.k.a., the Sea Sleuth!

Well, it's right there in the name, isn't it? 

He's a detective who is also an expert in all matters maritime.  I even made a custom Heroclix figure of him and an able assistant for Aquaman he is.  

Kind of like original Alfred. Except Alfred was an incompetent, in poor shape, and an expert on absolutely nothing at all.  

Captain Mark Compass

A former Navy frogman, Mark Compass is a "noted nautical investigator". 

Are there any... NON-notable nautical investigators? One has to wonder.

A roving maritime troubleshoot and "ship's detective"? It's almost as if he was created to be one of Aquaman's Mystery Analysts.  

Besides, he's a snazzy dresser.

Esther Maris

I love Esther Maris and I don't care who knows it.  In short, she was Aquaman's "Patty Spivot"; the romantic interest who actually seemed suitable for and chemistry-full with the hero, but whom the hero abandons for his One True Love.

Pictured: chemistry.

But in addition to being a love interest for Aquaman, she was a science reporter, specializing in sea stories.

She's sharp, like a fishing hook.

Clearly, she handily fills the "investigator reporter" role in this group of Mystery Analysts.

Lorena Marquez

Lorena "Aquagirl" Marquez was part of the aborted "Sub Diego" storyline, which was how she got her ability to live underwater.  

How she got her fabulous fashion sense, I do not know.

She was never a detective, but she was Robin-ing for Aquaman during that time, so she definitely did investigating and crimefighting.  Nothing has been done with her since she was retconned away. But she could be brought back as perhaps another offspring of an Atlantean and an air breather, which would allow her access to both of Aquaman's domains.  

Erika Watson

She's the named police officer in Amnesty Bay and she and Arthur were schoolmates.

She's no Kaye Daye, BUT if Aquaman came up against a mystery, there is every likelihood he would consult the one police officer he seems to know.  

Cal Durham

A former Black Manta follower who turned over a new leaf, Cal's motivated to fight against injustice and has the ability to breathe underwater.  

I can easily imagine him doing a lot of "leg-work" for Aquaman both in and out of the sea, making him a reliable (if not stellar) choice for the Mystery Analysts.

And for the bonus round, a surprise pick:

A.J. Curry

A.J. Curry, a.k.a. "the Sword of Atlantis".  

I do not imagine the reworked version looking like this.

Naturally (and fortunately) this character was retconned away once Real Aquaman returned.  But a re-worked version of him might be an ideal aide.  No reason Arthur couldn't have a paternal cousin whom he trusts and who is some kind of littoral investigator.  House detective at a beach resort?  Ecological crimes investigator?  Just someone who solidly represents Aquaman's land-roots.

Mystery Analysts: Metropolis

We're reviewing my candidates for franchises of Gotham City's "Mystery Analysts" and we've just arrived in Metropolis.

Melba Manton

Now, according to the last census, a good 17 percent of Metropolis works as a reporter or in journalism, so the place is lousy with nosy reporters.  But the one the Mystery Analysts deserve is that sassy, snappy  dresser, Melba Manton.

To be clear, I am not talking about the diluted version who mugged for the cameras at WGBS

LIVE from Crime Alley.

No, I'm talking the O.G. crazy-bold Melba Manton, whose escapades made Lois Lane look like Lucy Ricardo and whose wardrobe made Quentin Crisp look like a prison matron.

Really, how could you miss someone wearing THAT outfit?

Inspector Henderson

He's the classic police Authority Figure in Superman history.  He's not flashy, but unlike Metropolis's other well-known cop, Dan Turpin, he's low-key, slow on the trigger, and even-tempered.  He's the Cool Cop the Mystery Analysts of Metropolis deserve.

Shut up, Jimmy. Unlike Superman, Henderson has no time for suck-ups or any of your "Mr. Action" nonsense.

Maggie Sawyer might have been up for this role, but she moves around WAY too much.  Besides, she was always more of an action-cop than a detective.

Franklin Lester

It's not easy to forgive a character for being created by Cary Bates, but in Lester's case I will make an acceptation.  The original version of Franklin Lester was a private investigator trying to root out Metropolis's Masher Mob and resorted to becoming a costumed vigilante named "Tartantula", based on a cancelled TV series his son used to watch.

Not hard to see why the show was cancelled. That costume doesn't really scream "TARANTULA!" In fairness, Spider-Man's costume is astonishingly non-spider-like and I wonder whether this character was a riff on that fact.

Now, we like costumed vigilantes BUT we do NOT like ones who kill people, and he killed a lot of people.  

Special exceptions can be made, of course.

A redux of the character could simply be a private investigator, with some cute nod to the character's history, such as having him be the writer of (or writers' expert consultant) a "The Tarantula" show or comic book.  

Continuing to STRETCH to find usable pre-existing characters....

Chief Smith

No first name needed, with such a unique surname.

He was the pre-Crisis police chief in Metropolis.  He's a blank slate but could fill the "police authority" slot in Mystery Analysts of Metropolis. I mean, it's not like you ever actually saw JIM GORDON solve a crime, is it?

Really desperate at this point. I disqualify the 10,000 named reporters in Metropolis, because they would be redundant with Melba Manton. So...

Jose Delgado

Only in Metropolis do gang members carry rayguns.

Look I know "Gangbuster" isn't really anyone's idea of a DETECTIVE, per se.  But, you know, he must have been able to at least track down gangmembers and leaders so that's something.  No one's done anything with this character for many years, so he could be reintroduced as either a retired vigilante or just a crusader against low-level semi-organized crime.  

See, José has already proven his worth as a detective by finding the next member (and saving him from a runaway piano)!

Slam Bradley

Slam! One of comics' original hard-boiled private investigators.  He was created by Siegel & Shuster (the creators of Superman), so he's a natural for the Metropolis Mystery Analysts franchise.

Well, technically he was conceived by Malcolm Wheeler-Nicholson, the mad comic book publishing pioneer:

"We want a detective hero called 'Slam Bradley'. He is to be an amateur, called in by the police to help unravel difficult cases. He should combine both brains and brawn, be able to think quickly and reason cleverly and able as well to slam bang his way out of a bar room brawl or mob attack. Take every opportunity to show him in a torn shirt with swelling biceps and powerful torso[.]"

But Siegel & Shuster actually drew and wrote the character.  He's perfect!

The Mystery Analysts of Metropolis actually seems like an interesting group of people. Certainly more lively than their Gothamite counterparts.

Mystery Analysts: Coast City

If Green Lantern's Coast City is to have its own franchise of The Mystery Analysts (tm), it's probably not going to have a lot of famous mystery writers or even police detectives, because we never see any of those in GL comics.  Coast City's best known industries are aviation and film, after all.  

Fortunately, we really only need a handful of people smarter than Hal Jordan, for which we could probably just pick people randomly from a phone book.

I mean, even HAL knows Hal's stupid.

Speaking of phone books, how we got through the entire Silver Age and Bronze Age without seeing Hal hit in the head with the Yellow Pages I will never know.

But in the spirit of the original Mystery Analysts, we will try to select a varied group who are thematically appropriate.

Tawny Young

Tawny Young is one of what I call DC's cockroach characters. It's not meant to be an insult; it's a comment on a character's resilience in spite of odds and obscurity. Usually these characters persist not because they are special but precisely because they are NOT and can plugged into any mythos that contains their particular ecoliterary niche.  Tawny Young; you probably recognize the name as being a DCU character but know next to nothing about her.

She deduced that John Stewart was Green Lantern. Not the most challenging"intensive investigation", mind you, but at least she was willing to do the legwork of, you know, asking his MOM.
Or perhaps just Tyler Perry PLAYING John's mom.

Tawny Young was originally a TV reporter known mostly for revealing John Stewart's identity as Green Lantern on television.

I should think not wearing a mask would have done that already, but apparently writers and readers of that time must have assumed black characters were harder to individuate. Ahem.

But she has been used repeatedly since in other contexts, such as the Teen Titans.  I really shouldn't call her "nothing special" because after all how many reporters can take a hit from Kilowog?

"Analyze THIS mystery, ya poozer!"

In any case, Coast City is not exactly awash in detectives like Gotham City or in investigative journalists like Metropolis, so its only named investigative journalist definitely merits a spot in the Mystery Analysts of Coast City.

Hop Harrigan

You've probably never heard of Hop Harrigan, America's Ace of the Airways, before.

But he used to be quite famous.  He was not just a cover hero in comic books, but radio programs and film serials. 

"What's Van Johnson got that I haven't got?"
Hm.  A running tab at every gay bar in town?

He was (originally) the teen son of a famous aerialist (who disappeared or was killed, as the parents of heroes are wont to do).  Hop was the dreamy pin-up boy of the flying set.

I will make no comment about this cheesecake depiction of teen ace Hop Harrigan,
lest I wind up on some list of People Your Mother Warned You About.

An updated and more adult version of Hop would be a logical aeronautical addition to the Mystery Analysts of Coast City, since the town has lots of aviation-related crime.  I mean, sure, airborne adventure Hop Harrigan wasn't exactly Sherlock Holmes, but literally we are just looking for appropriate non-super crime-fighters who are better detectives than HAL JORDAN, so the bar is pretty low.

Wing Brady

Wing Brad is WAY more obscure than Hop Harrigan. Whereas Hop was a high-flying adventurer, Wing was a hard-edged bad-ass solider and spy.  He was an American pilot in the French Foreign Legion (no, I don't know how that works), but then later he was a spy.  He also did time, but that's another story.

Wing Brady is not to be confused with Brady Wing, even thought it is VERY easy to do.

A former pilot, convict, and spy is enough on his resume to qualify as someone who could help Hal Jordan think his way out of a phone booth.

He will also unhesitatingly kill the CRAP out of you if you get in his way.

Kari Limbo

Yes; Kari Limbo. Look, if I am desperate enough to dig up Hop Harrigan and Wing Brady, I'm not going to get all squeamish about Kari Limbo.

"♬ I'll never stop saying...
♬ Kari Limbo!"

Although not too squeamish to engage her, I do lack the fortitude to go over her backstory at length.  She was a psychic who lived in Coast City.   She was a "Gypsy" (because of course she was). She was Guy Gardner's ex-girlfriend. She and Hal almost got married.

She also talked funny and dressed like Extraño.

Virtually no one remembers her; she's no Lois Lane. But a psychic (fake OR real) helping Hal as part of his Mystery Analysts is, well, it's just what Hal deserves, don't you think?

She really DOES look a lot like Extraño, doesn't she?

Clive Sigerson

A one-shot character from "The Joker" comic in the '70s?! This is the depths of desperation, people.  But hear me out.

So far we have no one associated with the entertainment industry side of Coast City.  Clive Sigerson, however, is a stage actor.

Whom The Joker sokked in the head while he was portraying Sherlock Holmes and then actually THOUGHT he was Sherlock Holmes, because that's a thing that happens.

Clive Sigerson, now THINKING he was Sherlock Holmes, took on and DEFEATED the Joker. 

The Joker really is a good sport, you have to give him that.

There is no way that wouldn't make him very famous overnight.  I can easily imagine him becoming a film star after that, probably portraying some Sherlock-like detective.  

He's theatrical but supremely confident, kind of like Hal. And besides

...his origin is LITERALLY "head injury".

It's a reach, but I think Clive Sigerson would be perfect for the Mystery Analysts of Coast City.

I was hoping to find a sixth member, but I couldn't think of anyone appropriate. Do any of you have ideas...?

Mystery Analysts: Apex City

So, if we are going to postulate sets of Mystery Analysts to support heroes OTHER than Batman, let's start with another hero who is already a detective and shouldn't need any help at all: J'onn J'onzz , the Martian Manhunter. 

Here are my top picks.

Captain Harding

Look, I know that Diane Meade is the obvious choice from the ACPD to be among the Mystery Analysts of Apex, because she is a SHARP detective. But it's just too on the nose.  Besides, if Diane were one of them, you'd wonder why John Jones WASN'T.  

And I mean SHARP.  Diane sniffed out the Martian Manhunter in nothing flat.  I guess if both the Gotham D.A. and Commissioner Gordon can be in the Mystery Analysts of Gotham, both Captain Harding and Diane Meade can be in the Mystery Analysts of Apex.

So instead I pick their BOSS, Captain Harding. Now, that may seen counter-intuitive to those who are familiar with his past appearances on this blog.

In Harding's defense, Detective Jones is quite handsome, if you like the square-jawed type.

My rationale goes as follows.  Captain Harding doesn't look like he got his position by being an outstanding beat cop.

That position specifically being "sitting behind a desk".

So I figure Captain Harding must in fact be an "arm-chair" detective, that is, one who specializes in the analysis of evidence and situations presented to him, rather than one who goes out and, you know, DETECTS things. 

It would help explain why he never gets up from his chair.

If I were feeling bold, I would suggest an older, retired version of Heavyweight Harding, who is perhaps now CONFINED to a wheelchair, like a modern Ironside.

Newspaper editor Jim Wade

An investigative journalist is always a ripe choice for a Mystery Analyst, and Apex City's best (and only) known journalist is Jim Wade, editor of the daily newspaper,  The Clarion.

Jim is clearly portrayed as thorough reporter on the results of long-term investigations, rather than a "scoop-getter".  

The very IDEA of a "scoop" seems to baffle him.

Jim wouldn't be flashy, but he'd be the kind of guy who'd do all the tedious background research involved in any case (that one of the other Mystery Analysts would then use to figure out the mystery).

Detective Chimp

I would also consider Bobo appropriate for the Mystery Analysts of Central City, because he was created by Flash artist Carmine Infantino and because simians in general go well with the Flash.

I have two principal reasons for including Bobo among the possible Mystery Analysts of Apex City. First, Detective Chimp is weird and J'onn is the weirdest of DC's Iconic Eight.  

I was going to make a point here about how originally Bobo was much more normal than nowadays, when he can talk and wears clothes and is an expert on the outré.  I was going to talk about bizarrely overpowered he has become (I have one friend whose sole fear is facing off against Detective Chimp's Heroclix figure), and how that was part of larger contemporary phenomenon, in which DCU Characters We Used To Deride As Goofy have been reinterpreted by modern writers and readers as Actually Awesome and Fearsome.  Detective Chimp, Cat-Man, Plastic Man, heck, even Aquaman, really.

Ralph Dibny, however, remains, by general consensus, a total goober.

I was going to do that. But then I checked his first story again.

In which he makes a homemade bathysphere. In a week. In secret.
Rex, The Wonder Dog #4 (Aug. 1952).

Yeah, current Detective Chimp may be verbal and a great detective, but there is no way he could build a bathysphere. Heck, most chimpanzees can't even SPELL "bathysphere".

So, yeah; Detective Chimp is weird and always has been. But there is a SECOND reason I would include him in the Mystery Analysts of Apex.

Quite simply, Bobo lives in Florida, which is where Apex City is.

Roy Raymond, TV Detective

Roy Raymond, TV Detective! It's one of those comic book names that always gets said in total. It sounds weird to just say "Roy Raymond".  I've already theoretically associated him with the Martian Manhunter, so he's an obvious choice.

I was going to comment how Rick Veitch did Roy Raymond dirty during his Swamp Thing run. But I've read the original stories of Roy Raymond, TV Detective, because they appear in the same comics that classic Martian Manhunter stories were in.  And, frankly, Roy was rather a ****.  

He was consistently a jerk to his delightful assistant, Karen Duncan

Roy had a son, Roy Raymond Junior (because there is no way Roy would name after anyone but himself), who was actually an unpleasant Flash character at one point.  So if RRJr goes in any Mystery Analyst franchise, if would have to be Central City's.

Fortunately, DC has already established that Roy Raymond also has an eponymous grandson, who'd be a logical member of the Mystery Analysts of Apex.  

He seems annoying, but nowhere the **** his grandfather and father were.

Not only was the original version a comic book co-habitant of the Martian Manhunter's, but you know DARNED well that J'onn would have been GLUED to the set every week watching "Roy Raymond, TV Detective". 

Mysto, Magician Detective

Mysto, like J'onn, used to be one of the back-up features in Detective Comics.  He was a stage illusionist who also solved crimes.

I mean, you don't get to BE in Detective if you don't solve crimes.

As a stage magician, he certainly brings a unique flair to the table, as opposed to just another generic private investigator.

Besides, Sholly Fisch already made him a Mystery Analyst, and whatever Sholly Fisch does is right.