Wednesday, April 15, 2020

Green Arrow vs. The Pirates, #5: The Green Error!

Ollie's huffy AdamWestism is wittily dismissed by Captain Kilgore's hearty ho-ho:

When your pirate ship is named the Black Raider, it's considered wickedly clever, by Star City standards, to DISGUISE it with the name of the most famous pirate ship ever. 
It's not like Green Arrow's the World's Greatest Detective, you know.

Thus died-- ugh, wait a minute...

We're ALL breathless here, Ollie.

Ugh. Naturally, Ollie arrows his way out of the situation, because while he may not be very bright, all that time on the salmon ladder is still good for something.

Curses; I'll get you Penelope Pitstop!

At this point, the pirates are peeved at Ollie repeatedly clouseauing himself back at them, and propose to simply shoot the quivered cockroach in the back.

The head, actually. I mean, his back is protected by the quiver.

But Captain Kilgore proves himself a worthy Green Arrow foe by making a perfectly stupid decision for a perfectly nonsensical reason.

This is where the Captain reveals, through a song by Sir Arthur Sullivan,
that Green Arrow is actually his son, whom he gave up for adoption at birth.

Oh, god, here it comes...

"I've been thinking";
isn't that what Flapjack Red-Hat did to get Green Arrow into this mess to begin with?

Okay, it IS hard to argue with "anyone stupid and overconfident enough to do what Green Arrow does HAS to be insanely rich".  But who do you send the ransom note TO?  The Mayor of Star City? Which one...?

The one Ollie shot in the leg?
The one whose husband he killed?
The one who hates vigilantes?

The one whose daughter(s) he got killed?

Who on earth would want to ransom Ollie? The kid who launched him into danger with a catapult and who stands to inherit his fortune (including the awesome Arrowcraft)?

In any case, the pirates don't want to waste any more cement or bullets on Ollie, because they need to conserve that stuff for actual THREATS.  So, the villains leave him on a boat with two guards while they go on on their un-postponable heist. Because villains gotta villain.

You can't see the bucket of cement Ollie's standing in, but, trust me, it's still there, and it's freaking hilarious.

Pirate Candystriper is stuck sitting on a boat staring at Ollie make like an artificial tree for your at-home office...

Caution: do not water your Green Arrow. Quiver sold separately.

and tries to make sure he doesn't get anti-hazard pay for babysitting Star City's least threatening vigilante:

"Green Error". Ouch. Daily Bugle's gonna love that one.

Since Ollie is helpless -- more helpless -- without a bow and arrow, he looks around him and fashions a rudimentary lathe with which to tool one.

I do NOT have the patience to show you this whole McGyver clip.

All this is just to activate his real weapon: Flapjack, The Boy Back-Up.

Speedy? Is that Jay Garrick's sidekick? Who's he talking about?

Flapjack, ever eager for ADVENTURE, sees the flaming arrow signal and is overjoyed that he finally gets to see what sort of mess Ollie has blundered himself into this time...

SOMEBODY should.


John C said...

Whoa. Underwater archery is actually kind of a thing, and it's precisely "Ransom of Green Chief" hilarious. Now I want to see the gritty remake of this story where Ollie's rescue arrow makes it about three feet before just idly floating to the surface. On the other hand, I also wouldn't not buy a potted vigilante for my front room. It goes so well with the Spirograph pictures.

Cap'm Kilg%re seems weirdly excited about keeping Green Arrow prisoner. Is he bored of his young runaway swab-monkey already? Is he just looking to have another random body casting a dramatic shadow on the main deck?

Bryan L said...

Did the McGyver sequence involve Ollie hopping around in a cement tub? Please tell me it involved Ollie hopping around in a cement tub.

Scipio said...

No hopping was shown but one can infer it.

Anonymous said...

Did Ollie at any point think of just pulling his feet out of his boots? I suppose that one answers itself.

Scipio said...

Actually I would assume proper archery-hero boots wouldn't have that much give in them.
Getting you boot caught on the railroad tracks and wiggling out of them (as Batman once did) is not the same as having concrete around your ankles.

Anonymous said...

Between you and me, I can see arguments pro and con for Ollie being able to step out of his boots. Then there's this whole mental debate I'm having about "well Ollie should have wiggled his feet to make sure there was some give while the cement was drying" versus "cement is too heavy for that" and so on.

But seeing as this is Oliver Queen -- and the Golden Age one no less, who all in all is dumber than the current one -- I prefer to imagine that he just never thought of it.