Wednesday, May 17, 2017

"A Green Arrow! Crashing through the window!"

Activated by a radio announcement, Green Arrow launches himself into action at the History Club in the least sensible way possible: ejector seat.

"This is faster than using the stairs... and a 1000 times stupider!"

Include 'window bars' in the 1001 Ways To Defeat Green Arrow.  This scene shows one of the secrets to Green Arrow's success: he continually does more life-threatening things to himself than his foes do.  "Rig up an ejector seat that will hurl GA out of his car and into the side of building" is a GREAT villainous plan for doing in Green Arrow... it's just that Ollie beats them to it.  No wonder there are no good Green Arrow villains; what class act would want to compete with Ollie's self-imposed "Jackass" stunts in endangering himself?

I love the fact that members of the History Club don't even think to say "WTF, why are you crashing through our window and who's going to pay for that?!"  Remember, Green Arrow is already a world-wide figure and well known in Manhattan; they expect this kind of pointless destruction and stupidity from him.  He's like Naked Guitar-Playing Cowboy.

So, rather than complain, the members of the History Club simply introduce themselves with exposition ("intropositioning" as we have termed it) as quickly as possible, before they start dying:

Frank is clearly named after one of history's greatest men, Marcy D'Arcy.

The History Club is (of course) populated only by successful men with surnames of famous historical figures.  That is, it's the kind of club that exists only in the DCU.  All adult clubs in the DCU have the same purpose: for their members to be murdered.  One by one.  "Joining a club" is the number one method of suicide in Golden Age comic books; you will be killed; your family will still get the insurance money; and your killer will be caught (or will die ironically).  

Usually, clubs have some stupid theme that serves as the red herring.  You know the drill: murder victims all have X in common. "Why is the killer obsessed with killing Xs?"  And then it turns out that only one or two of the victims are the real targets, the other murders are just 'to throw the police off the trail'.  "To throw the police off the trail" is the number one cause of murder in the DCU (and most murder mysteries).   

If Green Arrow is ahead of you in thinking, you are going to die very very soon.

Sure enough...

Well, there's a shock.

Yes. Leonard, Green Arrow is trying to trick you. Because he's a thematic psychokiller who wants to shoot an arrow into your heel. In front of witnesses.  You completely deserve to die, dumb-ass.  If Green Arrow wanted to kill you, he'd just give you a ride in the Arrowcar and catapult you into the side of a building.

Someone from across the street shoots at Green Arrow (like ya do), which is made remarkably easier by the fact that Green Arrow already destroyed the window with his pointless entrance.

"electrocuted: killed (or injured) by electric shock"
You're welcome, Ollie; and stop yelling.
So, Green Arrow does what seems like the perfectly logical thing if you're Green Arrow:

True story: last night, I lost sleep trying to imagine how Green Arrow could be any stupider.

shoots a tight rope across to the other building and slowly walks across it toward the armed man who just shot at him.  You can almost feel the despair of the wannabe Green Arrow villain whose plan was "I'll force him to walk a tight-rope high over a city street toward an armed gunm--GODDAMMIT, ARROW!"

Fortunately the kid in the yellow hat got bored sitting in the Arrowcar and decides to catapult up, knowing full well that GA's had almost 3 minutes to put himself in mortal danger.

"GA,look out for the skylight...!!!"
"OW, my shin!
*kee-rash* YAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...."
Indulge me; look at that man; how many fingers does he appear to have? Remember your answer because this will be on the test.

A pigeon coop. Really, I don't have the strength to comment on that.  

So, this guy -- lazily named "Muggsy Smith" -- tells them he was under orders from his masked boss, whom he was going to meet at 5pm.  Ollie decides to take Muggsy's place at the meeting.  Rather than, say, call the police.  Because he's Green Arrow, and disguising himself as Muggsy is the choice that's a thousand times stupider.


"I'll be waiting outside the hideout...just in case you eff this up like an idiot."
"Thanks, Red-Leg Kid!"


Next: What goes wrong.


CobraMisfit said...

"'Joining a club' is the number one method of suicide in Golden Age comic books...."

Sounds like we need to add "Joining a Club" to 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow.

Bryan L said...

So the villains set up a death trap at the history club, which (against all odds) works. But they've got Muggsy surveilling the scene, and Muggsy just decides to start taking potshots at Green Arrow? He's overcome by bloodlust? Which is weird in itself, because sharpshooting is clearly not part of his gangster skill set.

Bryan L said...

Sorry, that's me (Bryan). Stupid iPhone.

Scipio said...

In a panel I chose not to include, Muggsy explains that he was told to wait there and fire upon Green Arrow if he showed up.

Bryan L said...

Well, that explains it. Although I was somewhat impressed with Muggsy's personal initiative, albeit less impressed with his marksmanship.

Anonymous said...

... okay, the title of this post finally clicked with me.

If you've got a minute: