Monday, July 07, 2014

Bombo is no longer your friend

As Kimbareta Shakespeare wrote, "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless elephant."

Unlike the devious and sexually perverse octopus, the faithful elephant is known for its long memory of those it cherishes and its undying loyalty.  It's nearly impossible to lose the affections of an elephant...unless you are inveterate embittered jackass Congo Bill.

"Egads, even my Giant Peanut Butter Fudge Trap won't stop him!"

If you think Green Arrow villains are bad, you should read some Congo Bill.  Not a lot of colorful villains in the Congo (outside of the government), so the most interesting rogues in his Rogue's Gallery are...elephants.

When Janu finally figures out that Bill makes up the Unwritten Law of the Jungle on the fly, it won't be pretty.

Wouldn't it be GREAT, by the way, if the Flash had a elephant villain in his rogue's gallery? Say, a psychedelic Ganesha Guru, who had perception-bending powers?

This one's for free, DC; get to work on it.

Anyway, being no Barry Allen, Congo Bill has limited tolerance for rogues. Even ones who are obviously gentle in nature.
Bombo's lighter-than-air shoes didn't work out nearly as well as his cold-gun.

Rather than just let Bombo loose in some unpopulated area, Congo Bill leaps at the chance to follow The Unwritten Law of the Jungle and shoot him.  Because Congo Bill is from Mega City.

That's it, Janu; just close your eyes, bury your head and quietly sob to yourself.
Just like every Saturday night in Bill's tent.

Bill is his usual supportive self about it, though.

"Why, who knows? There could be another elephant RIGHT BEHIND US.
Don't look, though."

Naturally, it turns out Bombo was being framed.  Although who could blame him anyway?  If I spent all my time with Congo Bill, I'd turn against humans, too.  No wonder the jungle gods eventually turned Bill into a part-time gorilla.

Since shooting elephants is about as heroic as Congo Bill gets, he manages to squeeze off a non-heroic haiku as he presumptively damns his pachyderm pal:

"Hey, Janu, I rented us a movie for tonight; Old Yeller."

No use blowing that
whistle, Janu... Bombo is
no longer your friend.

What haiku can YOU compose to commemorate poor Bombo or condemn Congo Bill?



7 comments:

Mark said...

I like the little caption jokes - nice addition!

Nathan Hall said...

Don't take it so hard,
Janu - you'll get another
Elephant (real soon)


Janu lost his dad
to a tiger - wait! Tigers
aren't in Africa.


Joshua Roots said...

A pachyderm framed.
Janu cries elephant tears.
Congo Bill's an ass.

Andrew said...

"Bill's been crushed to death!
And look - the tracks lead to the
Elephants' Graveyard..."

Bryan L said...

Jeez, Bill, you're pretty cold. "Forget your elephant, Janu, there's lots more where he came from."


Alas, poor Bombo
Janu's dear friend is now gone
Bill says forget him.

Dalle Robberts said...

Janu, are you a
true native of the jungle?
White as an Osmond.

John said...

No haiku.

I just want to say that, years ago, I read some Alan Moore proposal for a big, horrifying annual event to degrade and demean all the superheroes in proper Iron Age fashion.

One of the elements was inexplicably that Bill had permanently transferred his brain into Congorilla and kept his feeble old body locked in a closet to make sure it didn't escape or whatever.

I thought that was yet another bizarre deconstructionist look at a classic character. But a few years later, I actually read some of those early Action Comics stories, and...no, that's pretty much exactly what Congo Bill would've done.

I comfort myself sure in the knowledge that Janu most assuredly piddles in everything Bill might even consider drinking.