Thursday, February 03, 2011

Ten Things I Learned from the Attack of Jean Loring's Brain

I promised you a denouement of what I learned from our recent "The Attack of Jean Loring's Brain" week here at the Absorbascon. And so...

#20. The brain has a heart.
And it has pin-lighting. Who knew?


#18. Aquaman does performance art. With octopuses.

Can't you just see all the beatniks and hipsters snapping their fingers as they watch? "Dig that crazy octo-art; go, daddy, go! This was completely worth the trip from Soho!"


#15. Either Captain Comet or Aquaman ...
cannot count.
Just because you're a telepath doesn't mean you're intelligent. "Aquaman! On my mark, count backwards from 20 the divisors of 180...!"


#12. There's no romance in piracy.

Ha! He's obviously never seen Lucas Entertainment's "Cabin Boy Fever"!


#10. The JLA teleporter is ridiculously slow.
Recomposition = decompression.

Three panels of exciting teleporter action?! Jeez, who designed the damned thing, Brad Meltzer?


#9. Aquaman quotes Winston Churchill. To himself, silently, inappropriately, and for no apparent reason.
That why Aquaman is so much cooler than I. I probably would have thought something more like, "Polka-dot pirates with clipboards, what the--?!"


#6. The undersea kingdom of Lemuria has absolutely no zoning laws.

"Welcome to the terrible undersea kingdom of Snowglobia; I am King Kane, and these are my daughters, Princesses Glycerin and Princess Rosebud."


#5. Aquaman has a very strange idea of ...

"subtle".
Huh. Sure looks like a 'frontal assault' to me.


#4. Captain Comet squats to pee.
And in the family room, too!


And last but not least:

#3. The Atom is a total drama queen
Jeez, no wonder he married Jean Loring.

12 comments:

Imitorar said...

I noticed the numbering, and was about to make a joke about someone else not being able to count. Then I realized. Very clever.

Diabolu said...

I love Aquaman, but he was always too quick with a smile and a punch (or by the '70s, just the punch) to sell himself as a brain. He's also a disaster in leadership situations. Captain Comet's whole shtick is that he's super-intelligent by an evolutionary leap. That seems to have brought with it the sort of passivity that would force him to go along with Aquaman's countdown sounding like an old answering machine cassette's playback.

TotalToyz said...

I think George Lucas learned to count from reading this comic.
"Count to six, George."
"Four, five, six, one, two, three."

Bryan L said...

What's wrong with Atom's face when he's in the heart of Jean's brain? Is he wearing a ski mask?

TotalToyz said...

More likely some kind of shield to prevent infection from all the foul things festering in Jean's brain. I mean, geez, wouldn't you?

Bryan L said...

Probably too late for Ray to worry about Jean's bodily fluids at this point, TT. Nonetheless, I support wearing some sort of protection, but it ought to look like a face mask, not like Ray just knocked over a 7-11.

SallyP said...

I love Aquaman's brand of subtlety. That is the sort of thing that happens when you hang around with the Justice League. Or at least Hal Jordan.

Anonymous said...

OFFTOPIC:

Scipio, what do you think of the new Captain Comet clix?

Wayne Allen Sallee said...

Scipio, you need to get your people to get this Super-Team Family epic released as a trade.

Scipio said...

OFFTOPIC: That fig is WAY overpowered. But at least it looks stupid, and has an awkward dial; so that helps make it comic-book accurate.

Scipio said...

Oh, Wayne...

Wait'll you see the FOLLOW-UP story.

I"m saving it...

Anonymous said...

OFFTOPIC: ha! I've liked Captain Comet ever since the first L.E.G.I.O.N. run. I've gotten mixed reviews about the clix and haven't played it myself....