Wednesday, September 02, 2009

8 Ways Starman Will Beat the Crap Out of You

Do you think Starman is dependent on the gravity rod?
"I-- I swear, Doris: this has never happened to me before!"

That he would be helpless without it?
You know, if this were anyone else, I'd say that sounded almost like... panic. But it can't be panic, because that's Starman. So it must be... DRAMA!

Think again.

We're talking about the Golden Age Starman, the hero who once defended himself against a bear by hitting it with a tiger. Starman doesn't need the gravity rod to beat the crap out of you. He'll do it with whatever objects happen to be lying around. And the more embarrassing they are the better (like Aquaman, Starman knows that it is not enough to merely defeat criminals; you must publically humiliate them).

The mundane!
"You cowardly rats have no understanding of conversational grouping!"

The desperately punful!

The usual weapon in unusual ways!
I can't recall ever seeing a hero bounce a gun off someone's face before.
It's delightfully disrespectful.

The bizarre!Where's Hal Jordan's head when you need it?

The sonorous!
Do you have any idea what one of those costs? You can tell Ted's really rich.

The childish!Whenever anyone at Joliet asked Charlie how Starman defeated him,
he'd lie and say he was hit with a tiger.

The artistic!Ted-- don't quit your day job.

The ironic!
Starman uses a magnifying glass to burn some young O'Dares,
like the ants they are.


farsider said...

Scipio, Thanks for doing what you do.

Audie said...

The last panel - It never occurred to me reading the 'new' Starman series that the O'Dares were a feature in the original. What issue is that panel from? Starman archives?

Anonymous said...

that "the Childish!" panel is a really fine bit of drawing, wow!

Jacob T. Levy said...

There are plenty more O'Dares where they came from.

Anonymous said...

Come now, Scipio, surely you're not forgetting this Starman panel?!

Wayne Allen Sallee said...

I picked up the Starman Archive vol. 2 at the con in August. Great stories, and it was refreshing to see Starman tripping on his cape or getting hit in a ridiculous way. He'd recover in the next panel, but the guy really had his troubles going into a fight.

Word verification: topodoot.
The Red Bee's bee sidekick.

SallyP said...

These are simply magnificent.

Scipio said...

Forgetting it? What do you think inspired the post?

TotalToyz said...

So...Starman's mighty rod sometimes fails to deliver its power when he needs it most?

Even super-heroes suffer from ED occasionally. (Energy-weapon Disfunction, that is.)

LissBirds said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LissBirds said...

think if James Cagney was a superhero, he'd be Starman. I could easily see Cagney throwing a gun at someone.

Or perhaps it's their common propensity for calling people "rats."

Now you've got me wanting to buy the Starman archives...

TotalToyz said...

I always pictured small, scrappy Cagney more like the original Atom; except for the age difference, of course.