Friday, August 10, 2007

The Martian Manhunter's Rogues Gallery!

With J'onn's panoply of otherworldly powers, any writer would naturally find the most powerful foes for him, the likes of Despero, Amazo, or Dr. Light.

Or, perhaps not.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present, with comparatively little commentary on my part, the Foes of the Martian Manhunter...

The Dangerous Martian Mandrills

I'm hard pressed to think of anything more "Silver Age" than Martian gorillas.

The Menace of Mothman

Nice hat. Some guys-- one overnight with Killer Moth
and they think they have what it takes to be a supercriminal.

Speaking of which...

The Human Flame

Poor Joey. He loved Mike, despite the Daliesque moustaches and flamboyent outfits.
But the "crime suit" was the final straw.

The Malevolant Mr. Falcon

Uh-oh; now who's going to walk Dynomutt?

And last, and certainly least....

The Human Squirrel
Best. Costume. Ever.

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If I hadn't seen the panels with my own eyes, I'd have assumed you just made all these losers up. Mother of mercy! This stuff's like Ben Edlund material.
Actually, BB, these are some of the BETTER ones. The rest tend to be just, you know, guys in fedoras.
Before this moment, my enjoyment of all comics was dampened by the fact that there were no giant evil squirrelmen in them. Now my life is complete.

thank you.
I need to know more about this Human Squirrel. Surely, if the Ten-Eyed Man can make a comeback, Grant Morrison can think of something to do with the Human Squirrel.
To be fair, that isn't the *real* Human Squirrel there, just some guy dressing as him to frame him for a burglary he didn't commit. One presumes that the real Human Squirrel was even more awesome before he retired from a life of crime.

I wonder, did he ever meet Squirrel Girl? Marvel and DC have done an awful lot of crossover stories down the years...
I always thought pre-1966 Aquaman had the suckiest rogues gallery.

I know differently, now.
The thing that REALLY gets me is...

how does he make his knees go BACKWARDS?
The question is, Is Mothman drawn to the Human Flame?
I need more Human Squirrel! I demand you supply it or heads will roll!
Copies of the Showcase Presents The Martian Manhunter are available at, and can be shipped from, Big Monkey Comics...!
If ever there was a need for a character to return it is The Human Squirrel.

Put him in the Secret Six, Gail!
"It's the Human Squirrel -- pulling a job!"

A nut-job?
I should think so.
I think it's interesting that because Martian Manhunter points out that he is a Martian with his codename, his foes feel the need to point out that they are human (the Human Flame, the Human Squirrel, et al).

And did Mr Falcon really say he was going to build a new nest?? That's taking method acting just a bit to far.
Is the MalevolAnt Mr. Falcon spelled with an a as a play on the Latinate volant indicating flight?

Also, best mask ever. looks like Owlman and kabuki theater had a baby and then beat it.
Also, arynne = GENIUS.
Of course, Mothman looks nothing like the real Mothman. When was that comic made?
The saddest part about the Human Squirrel? That, just like the Weasel (another c-lister DC villain who was killed in the 80s in a Suicide Squad/Doom Patrol crossover), he is not a giant humanoid squirrel: he just decided to dress up as one... almost like a Spider-Man villain...
"Is the MalevolAnt Mr. Falcon spelled with an a as a play on the Latinate volant indicating flight?"


Actually, I'm the one who did that, not the comic book.
I must admit that the thought of Martian gorillas just fills me with delight.
Those Martian Mandrills wouldn't be half so riled-up if they handn't caught that voyeuristic Martian spinster D'ian F'ossey videotaping one of their orgies.
"how does he make his knees go BACKWARDS?"

Uh, special shoes?

It's not just the knees, it's everything about his legs that's weird. Did they ever show him out of costume? Because the phrase "deformed freak" springs to mind.
Man, twenty-two comments and nobody's said "yippy-ki-yay, Mr Falcon," like we're in a TV-edit of Die Hard?
Ohmigod, and there are things Scipio didn't even get around to mentioning, like the crazy fake Zeus and his fake Olympus, and J'onn's little brother T'omm. You have to wonder if there's an even younger brother at home named "R'ickiee" or "C'orkyy", and a baby sister named "S'uzee".

Manhunter used to have a Martian Mom and Martian Dad. Mom wore an apron! They have aprons on Mars! To keep from getting Martian pancake batter-spatter on their Martian housedresses!

I bet Dad drinks Martiantinis when he gets home from the Martian office.

This stuff makes Porcupine Jimmy Olsen look like a breath of sanity. This has got to be the Best...Showcase...Ever.
Did you ever do the Seven Soldiers of Victory Rogues Gallery and I missed it?
What makes you think he's in a costume? He's a real human squirrel! Either bitten by a radioactive rodent, or the result of a vastly disturbing crossbreeding experiment (with all those Mad Scientists running around comics, y'know some of them have to come up with expeirments that don't make the headlines...)

Maybe he's the prototype of a race of shquirrel-powered super-soldiers, able to gnaw through our cables and get into attics and rattle around at night to keep us awake. A truly unstoppable army of evil!
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