Custom Heroclix Map: Legion HQ / Weisinger Plaza

Here's the perfect (but quite belated) Klordny gift for all my fellow Legion fans:

a Heroclix map of Weisinger Plaza, the place where Legion Headquarters sits.

Now, Wizkids itself has made a Legion-oriented map but, except for its use of Interlac, it's a rather bland and generic future map. I wanted to make something more like how I think of the Legion.

First thing you'll notice as the navbeam guides your autoflyer over the Plaza is that the future is not bland; it's eye-pokingly colorful, like Mr. Nebula's Eventual Revenge. Read any old Legion story (particularly as gloriously reproduced in the Archive Volumes); the 30th/31st century is aggressively colorful, like a Easter Egg gone postal.

Second you'll notice the "Super Hero Clubhouse", complete with Legion cruiser, Time Bubble, Mission Monitor Board, Legion flag in the courtyard, and, of course, the Planetary Chance Machine. Oh, and that garden beside the Old Upside-down Rocket-ship isn't just a fancy; early Legion stories always depict the HQ against a background of trees and plants.



No visit to Weisinger Plaza would be complete without a tour of the Superman Museum and a stop at the Nine Worlds Ice Cream Parlor; I recommend the Martian ice cream.

Things That Made Me Happy....

in my comics this week.

• The Penguin's "hot tub".
• Happy to know Hal gets as fed up with that stupid oath as much as I do.
• The Joker bitch-slapping Lex Luthor.
• Tim Wayne. I wondered whether they'd ever go there.
  
• Roy Raymond Junior. Look it up, kids!
  
• Will Pfeiffer introducing a cigar in the first act and firing it in the third.
  
• The first page of Incredible Hercules (and many of the ones that follow, too).
• Name-checking Chloe Sullivan and Perry's frank evaluation of the interview scene from Superman: The Movie.
• So, Mr. Virgil is a guide to the underworld of popular culture, eh?
  
• Thanks to Robin and Gotham Underground, the Penguin's seeming more and more like himself these days. Classy; intelligent; strategic; phlegmatic. Let's just hope Wizkids does him justice by listening to their play-testers, who're already complaining that the Heroclix figure of him in autumn's Rogues Gallery set is still unplayable.
• Ray, that is not a kilt. It's a sleeveless mini-dress with a built-in belt. How can you have lived with Jean Loring all those years without knowing that?
• I love that the first two paragraphs of Catwoman do double-duty as metafictive commentary to the reader... .
• So, Megistus wasn't really much more than a poor man's Dr. Alchemy?
  
• "Lexoskeleton"? That's hilarious.
• Vandal Savage, player.
• "I never tried to cash in." Yeah, that made me laugh. Wally West, who ran superspeed errands for pay in Flash 1. Wally West, who left Keystone to become the hired resident superhero of a California town. Wally West, who on JLU used to do commercial endorsements. Nice try, Tom!
• Jimmy Olsen bitch-slapping Darkseid. With a bridge.
• Yeah, how does the freezy breath work?
• Paragon's simple and ingenious method for stopping three angry Daxamite zealots.
• The Penguin's method for handling Tobias Whale.
• As a classicist, I love that Hercules gets misidentified and attacked because of a mistranslation.
• Hm. A mind-controlling villain named "Spin" in the Flash? That certainly is familiar, isn't it?
• How glorious is it that this week's entire issue of Catwoman is synopsized in one word in Salvation Run this week?
• Wow; okay, that is definitely a Galactic Golem.
• I would love to watch The Invisible Man Out West.
• Did YOU figure out Superman's Clever Kryptonite Ploy? I'm proud to say I did.
• Tim Drake's hair. I just love Tim Drake's hair.
• Okay, did Huntress just throw a Cheetah wanna-be in front of a hail of bullets?
• The intimation that being on Salvation Run is beginning to drive the Joker sane.
• Kurt Busiek showing situations that give Superman ideas for broader projects to aid humanity, like the Library of Arctic Alexandria.
• I like Slam Bradley's foe; who is he?
  
• I think including "robot" and "polka" on the list made that question much too easy.
• Legion of SuperHeroes in the 31st Century No. 13 is the Best You Comic You Probably Won't Buy This Week.
• Lex Luthor makes an Atlantic Monthly joke. In the middle of a fight.
• Finally, someone's addressing "Where does Wally West's money come from?" In fact, I like what Tom Peyer's doing in this month's Flash generally.
• Only Clark Kent would apologize for getting buried under rubble.
• I guess I have to enjoy Darkseid being dead as long as it lasts.

FiveThings That will Make Your Son Gay Instantly!

So, be VERY careful with these cultural catalysts!

Danger Island


Uh oh, Chongo! Let's see, mostly naked "Nanoo" Jan-Michael Vincent, mostly naked "Black Samson" Rockne Tarkington, and mostly naked screaming Asian wildman Kim Kahana, all living together on a tropical isle. Really, I couldn't make something that homoerotic up if I had all day (I know 'cuz I've tried).


Dr. Smith


I think my favorite one is where Smith falls to his knees while wearing an ermine cape (although the "There's a monster in my bed!" one rivals the Wilhelm Scream). Really, do you know how long it takes to learn to scream that way? Months. I know 'cuz I've tried. In fact, it wasn't able to do it properly until someone spilled punch on my tan corduroy three-piece at the Homecoming Dance sophomore year in high school.

Actually, everyone focuses on poor Zachary in this show, but the real danger on Lost in Space was smoldering, laser-cannon slinging, spread-stanced testosterone factory Major Don West.


Pee-Wee's Playhouse


Mekalekka high meka hiney ho! Pee-Wee brought the "high", Conky brought the "meka", Tito brought the "hiney", and Jambi brought the "ho". Dixie the dyke, Miss Vyonne the fag-hag, a cowboy with big boots and a magic rope. I mean, really, what DIDN'T this show have going for it....? Do you how hard it is to find a man like Tito? I know 'cuz I've tried.

P.S. Roland Rodriguez, if you're reading this, call me; I'm still interested.


American Gladiators


Oh, "Militia" you can whack me with your Qtip any day you want (and after renting some of your film work, I know you know how, 'cuz you've tried!). And Wolf? I'll bring the wine if he brings the Rubik's Cube! Actually, American Gladiators does double-duty: it will make your daughter gay, too.

I swear, I think I'd marry Hellga if she brought the tennis ball cannon to the honeymoon!


Batman


Yes, Dr. Wertham was right. Nowadays, if you watch stuff on-line like Burt and Paul tossing each other around on the mat that way, you wind up wearing a digital ankle bracelet at a minimum distance of 500 yards from the local military school. I know 'cuz I've tried. The pure, raw, explosive SEXUALITY of Burton Gervis is too powerful to be denied, and it can overwhelm the underdeveloped psychosexual wiring of many a lad. And how!

P.S. Burt Ward, if you're reading this, don't call me: I'm not still interested.

Why We Love the Phantom Stranger Some More 4

One of the best reasons to love the Phantom Stranger? The Phantom Stranger's Hat.

I bet you're thinking, "Yeah, it's so cool how his hat always stays on his head, except for that one time in got knocked off in Hell in that big Swamp Thing story!"

But you're wrong.

The Phantom Stranger's hat, you see, is not a mere object he wears at will. It's some kind of semi-sentient, quasi-independent entity, that simply chooses to stay with him most of the time. Kind of like my dog.

Sometimes, however, it simply goes walkabout.

In this panel, for example, the Phantom Stranger puts his hat on, which has been noticeably absent for most of the action in the story.

"Even I..."
Modest, isn't he?

Where was it? How did he get it back? Even I do not understand all the workings of the Phantom Stranger's hat. But you know all those times the Phantom Stranger mysteriously disappears? It's not him; it's the hat, and it simply takes PS along for the ride. Kind of like walking my dog.

Here's another one from the Archives of the Phantom Stranger's Naked Head:

Phantom Stranger, corporate consultant.

This is one of those stories where the hat is absent. UNTIL... the Epilogue.

All the Phantom Stranger does in this epilogue is put his hat on. Yes, really.

What the heck is PS's hat doing lying in a previously unseen alley? Rumor has it, the hat sometimes goes off tomcatting with its alley-buds.. You know....Sargon's turban, the Helm of Fate, Eclipo's Phyrgian cap. Sometimes they get in fights and beat up Felix Faust's desert-hat-thingie or the Matter Master's dunce-cap. Other times, they meet up with Zatanna's Red Caterpillar Hat, and... well, you know.

And what's the meaning of juxtaposing the Phantom Stranger putting on his hat with some guy shooting a security guard? What does "meaning' mean in a Phantom Stranger story...?!

Sometimes, the hat gets feisty and decides to chase cars...

"Bad hat! Come back here this instant!"

or just start howling at people it doesn't like.

Oh, yeah. My dog makes THAT noise, alright.

The Phantom Stranger's hat deserves its own Who's Who page, a Heroclix pog, and an indy band named after it.

It Explains So Much

This just in.


The Martian Manhunter is a Skrull.

The Ominious Black Sun

Well, I got suddenly and dramatically sick yesterday. (Dramatically? Shyeah, there's a shock.) Like, fainty sick, as in a Ted Knight style "Assist me to the couch!". That's what happens when you read more than one Starman story in a row; the constitution can only take so much.

As a result, I wasn't able to finish My Diatribe Against Art that I've been thinking about. (Other bloggers rant; I have diatribes). So, instead, I'll have to release this post early...

Annuals used to be a big deal. In an era before nonstop company-wise crossovers and weekly series, annuals were the place were Big Stuff happened. Take, for example, the Justice League of America Annual of 1985.

Lesson? Do not feed Steel chili.

Lots of Things Whose Shock Value is Severely Diminished by Familiarity happen. Red Tornado is destroyed; the JLA satellite is destroyed; Vixen cops a feel.

Do you think she bought the strap-on herself, or was it a gift from Dale?

Many great Vibe moments, of course. Vibe fighting with that jerk, Green Arrow. Vibe working with Black Canary (as he should be, instead of that jerk, Green Arrow). Vibe's jealous face as Vixen cops a feel ("!Don't tell ME to back off of Dale, puta!").

Even Geo-Force gets a moment, during his double date with Black Lightning and Batman.

Finally, I understand why Geo-Force is on the team!

But most of the action centers around the Leaguers and Co. fighting a giant violently pink hole that's sucking in everything it can.


Hmm; what does that remind me of...? Oh, yes, of course...

Zatanna

But none of that is really our purpose for revisiting this issue today. Our real interest in this issue is that contains one of the great Comic Book Haikus of all time, folks...


The space warp is still
hanging there, pulsing like an
ominous black sun.

Leave it to Dale Gunn to produce a haiku that's not just inappropriately florid, but sexually suggestive of, well, of what apparently Vixen wasn't able to resist early. 'Cuz, you know, Dale, that Space Warp is not black; obviously your mind is elsewhere.

What haiku can YOU offer to celebrate this issue, these characters, or the giant pink sucking hole?

VIbe Poll

I need your help.

Much more important, VIBE needs your help.

The good folks at HCRealms -- a well-known Heroclix forum -- are having a poll as to which character should be made in a clix figure for the first time.

Naturally, Vibe is one of the choices. Unfathomably, he is not winning. Very much not winning. Losing, in fact. As in, "last place".

Golden-Age Atom		40	14.13%
Ocean Master		21	7.42%
Gizmo		48	16.96%
Golden-Age Johnny Quick		20	7.07%
Negative Man		29	10.25%
Killer Moth		56	19.79%
Ferro Lad		32	11.31%
Toyman II (Jack Nimball)		14	4.95%
Vibe		8	2.83%
Cyclone		15	5.30%

Behind Toyman II (who I've never even HEARD of?)* Behind CYCLONE?! And you do not want me to start on "Gizmo". This must not stand.

Now, we all love Killer Moth. In fact, if Vibe were not on the list, KM would get my vote.

But Vibe is on the list. Vibe, who sacrificed his life to save an innocent. Vibe, who represented the Latin community as a superhero decades before Jaime Reyes. Vibe, who helped hold the Justice League together when most other heroes -- and editors -- had abandoned it as an outdated concept. Vibe, symbol of the Joy of Comics. Vibe: liver of life; lover of liver; breakdancer.

Go. Go now. Register (yes, it's free, silly) at HCRealms and represent the Absorbascon. Vote your conscience, vote for joy, vote for Vibe.

Or at least for Killer Moth or Ocean Master, cuz I'll be DANGED if Gizmo wins this...


*Please don't give me a lecture on who Toyman II is. I have internet access, too, you know.

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

• "If it's one thing I've learned on this job, it's that you should never trust evil gorillas." I don't care what you say; I like Tom Tresser. He's not just a major hottie, he's a funny one, too.
• Sleep-flying.
• Who would have thought that Judd Winick and Hal Jordan would be two bad tastes that taste very very funny together?
• Ray Palmer, doing what he does best.
• I want a Duel Eknham/Two-Face team-up. NOW. And, for the former, a Heroclix figure (a dual, of course).
• Okay, tell us who that Aquaman baddie was who doesn't have a webpage. Because we can fix that in a day.
• The Arrow Family's unorthodox interrogation techniques.
• The guy with the orange in his crotch in Comic Book Comics. "Citro! He's not just for breakfast anymore!"
• Swamp Thing Say Relax...?
• Superman versus the Toyman.
• Adam Strange's masterful understatement, "I know how you feel."
• Okay, the open, blooded hand of Wonder Woman was one of the most powerful images I have seen in a very long time.
• The Return of Giant Turtle Man Olsen.
  
• Actually, "bastards" and "asses" do not rhyme.
• "Faceless drones smell like catnip to me!" Ah, the Rolling Wit of Pantha!
• The original Blue Beetle, armed with a plunger, shouting "It's Guiliani time!"
• Beating Donny Troy senseless using Kyle Rayner as a club is one of comic's most delightful and presumably intentional instances of symbolism.
• The question, "You don't have a girlfriend, do you?", wasn't really funny. But the answer sure was!
• Well, I know one Green Lantern who's not a member of PETA.
• Etta Candy single-handed stands down an unbeatable race of near-omnipotent worldkillers. Because she's Etta Candy, and she can.
• One Thanagarian's definition of happiness.
• Pantha got SHOT?! Editorial! Who messed up the opportunity to decapitate her a second time?!

Abstraction, or, "God, my hands are beautiful!"

I love these new house ads DC is doing! You know, the ones with a creepy picture of a villain labeled with just one word, an Abstract Noun of Evil.

By the way, I'm in the school of thought that says that's Luthor in the suit and Brainiac is the little bug on his shoulder.

There are several smart things going on in these ads.

One, they're good, solid teasers. You know these characters are going to be part of something big coming up, and you get only the most abstract hint of what their involvement is going to be.

It's in the same vein as the "Last Supper" house ad (for Countdown? Final Crisis? Whatever!). Intriguing design with mysterious clues. People can't resist a mystery.

Two, they make good use of villains. The mettle of a hero is often measured by the quality of his villains, and the same could be said of heroic universes as well. DC villains rock. Marvel, as I've mentioned, is so interested in pitting their heroes against one another, that the development of their villains has suffered for it, and while there are some exceptions, on the whole, Marvel's villains are severely lacking in bizarritude and fabulosity. DC's villainry, however is broad, deep, and freaktacular.

Where DC generally errs is its occasional "More is better" thinking. "If one Batman villain is threatening, than 8 of them together will be mind-boggling!" (also known as "Loeb-think"). Actually, it's mind-numbing, instead. You see, it's a nice theory, but in practice all it does is water down each of the participants, and confuses quantity with quality. Once you start writing stories where Batman (or Spider-Man or whoever) takes on and defeats a whole slew of his foes at one time, each one then becomes that much less credible as an individual threat. Case in point: the Flash's Rogues. Each of them used to, on their own, give Barry Allen a run for his money. Now, you need to cobble about 14 of them together to pose a serious threat to a Shriners Convention. If you want further proof, ask yourself, where does every superhero movie franchise start to degrade? Answer: when there's more than one bad guy in the movie.

These ads make clear DC's intention to invest in individual villains, thus making them serious contenders. As we were reminded in 52, guys like T.O. Morrow, Kanjar Ro, Despero, and Dr. Destiny used to fight the entire JLA to a standstill. Mongul has always bored me silly; just a big strong man for Superman to trade blows with. But they've been re-creating him as a broader, more varied, and more interesting threat, and now I'm actually interested in him.

Three, they re-affirm the idea that DC characters stand for something. Like characters in a myth, they aren't just people, but instantiations of ideas, or ways of looking at the world. The Joker is just a creepy clown guy, but he's also a symbol of chaos. Luthor is a really smart mad scientist, but he's also Jealously and Obsession personified. Such associations evolve over time, but here DC is doing it intentionally, and that shows sophistication in their understanding of the mythic underpinnings of their work. Usually, much attention is given to what heroes stand for (Truth, Justice, and the American Way), but villains need conceptual love, too, you know.

Marvel fans might find this all a bit silly and UNsophisticated, because "real" people are just that, not personified concepts. To Marvel, abstract nouns are just a device for naming characters. And to some degree, they are right; DCs characters' level of abstraction can make them seem less grounded, less "real". But it also makes them more iconic, and more powerful devices for telling stories about the conflict of ideas. Ya picks yer poison and takes yer chances, folks.

Fourth, they're witty. In aping the style of inspirational office posters, DC's created a strong irony in these ads that hits you square in the head!

Speaking of getting hit in the head, it occurs to me that DC villains are not the only characters who could star in a series of illustrative posters on vices and other undesirables. Behold, my own contribution:

Brave & the Bold

This (see photos) is the best news in quite some time.

Representations of our comic characters in other media are some of the main gyros that keep the DCU spinning. You can mock and revile the original Superfriends series all you want, but the fact remains that it hooked 14 years' worth of kids on heroes.

Both DC and Marvel realize that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. Yet among fandom much lamenting and breast-beating is done to the tune of "How can they be so blind as not to make comics for kids?"

Um, yeah. Well, most of you singing that tune aren't reading all the Johnny DC titles, are you? DC is not only producing comics kids can read, they're producing comics specifically for them to read. You're just going to have to get used to the idea that many comics are NOT for kids to read. That includes, I might add, most of the comics I did read when I was growing up, which were positively littered with corpses. Children, you know, are not quite the delicate little things they've often made out to be. Bloodthirsty little savages, most of them, truth be told... .

I also note that those people can get darned snobbish about the material that is created for kids. "The Batman" cartoon, for example, was a good show and it got much better with time. Yet I've rarely heard anything about it (other than people complaining about the Joker's feet). No, it wasn't BTAS; it wasn't supposed to be.

Anyway, DC and the producers of "The Batman" figured out the same thing the Smallville people figured out, indeed, the same thing that comic book editors figured out in the Golden Age: having the main hero team up with other heroes is popular and excites great interest. In fact, the last season of so of "The Batman" was essentially a new version of Justice League Unlimited (not that most people noticed, because they took one look in the first season at a character design that didn't please them, then wrote the whole thing off).

This new cartoon, Brave & the Bold, is starting off with that idea, instead of figuring it out at the end of its run. Batman teaming up in succession with other DCU heroes (including the new Blue Beetle!), drawn in a kid-friendly way; excellent.

Try not to pick on this one the way you do the old Superfriends episodes, The Batman, the new Superfriends comic book, and anything else that is no longer geared specifically toward you. Let's just be happy that comics and comics-related entertained is being produced for all ages.

Find the Skrull!

Today, I'm stealing an idea from SallyP, and exploring further the question:

Who in the DCU is actually a Skrull?

Mary Marvel, for sure. I mean, the one we've been reading for the last year bears no resemblance in personality to any previous version in the character's 60 some years of history. Not only is Mary Marvel a Skrull, she's a Skrull with disproportionately large breasts.

All-Star Batman. Duh.

Panda. Because characters as annoying as Panda never really get killed.

Jean Loring. Bwa-haha! Just kidding. No mere Skrull could be as crazy/evil as Jean Loring!

Every Aquaman since 1972.

Jason Todd and Stephanie Brown. The real ones had the decency to stay dead, and the wisdom to stay dead, since they worked much better as martyrs than as living irritants.

President Luthor. Because the real Lex Luthor wouldn't have bothered to take a step down into the presidency, then do nothing either evil or useful in four years. I mean, even George W. Bush did something evil or useful in four years...!

The Penny Plunderer. You don't think the real Joe Coyne got sent to the chair, do you? As if.

The married Orca the Whalewoman who got killed. The real Orca is in the sea where she belongs, making it with King Shark, the Shark, and Captain Mako.

Vibe. I mean, the one who got killed. The real one is working on his tan in Rincon and planning his triumphant return to the JLA.

Who do YOU think is a Skrull in the DCU
(and please support your assertion)?

Some Links

I cry sexism; am I right?

Our first black president.

Why you should read the Walking Dead.

The best book you probably won't buy this week.

Why you should read Secret Invasion.

Things That Made Me Happy...

• It turns out I'm a Skrull!
• Justice League Unlimited is the most sophisticated and moving examination of complex morality you will read in a comic book this week.
• Mr. Fantastic should have kept his eye on his colleagues instead of on ... well, whatever it wound up hanging off of... .
  
• Don't you just hate it when monsters from your bloodstream eat your hot to trot new neighbor...?
• Just the very idea of Pied Piper playing "Macho Man" on a nose flute... .
  
• LOL, Zatanna's a giant prop!
• Bruce Wayne's very surprising and poorly timed reunion with Peyton Riley.
• Somebody really should have thought twice before putting this dialog in Countdown: "Ohmygosh, is this nightmare ever going to end?" "Gods, I sure hope so." Oh, the comic book irony!
  
• This is one time where the Dum Dum was a bullet, I guess.
• The good news for the train robbers? There are only six people in the entire town. The bad news? One of them's Jonah Hex, who left me -- and one of his assailants -- speechless this month.
• "Apparently, Batman has a soft spot for children."
  
• Tomorrow's tour of the Baxter Building is canceled.
• Hawkgirl being the one to spot the getaway truck.
  
• Whoa; the SW6 Batch is in the Savage Lands!
• Isn't it amazing how Kyle's hair stays that way no matter how many universes he escapes from?
  
• I don't think I've ever seen anyone get his foot stuck is the bloated corpse of a horse before. I mean, not in a comic book.
• So, what do you think Darkseid the Couch Potato was watching on the television before Mary showed up? American Idol? No; Top Chef, I bet.
  
• An old style symbolic splash page opener for Jonah Hex, followed by a two-page silent synopsis of his entire life; masterful.
  
• Wait; the Skrulls have ships that look like their faces? That's hilarious!
• Mirror Master versus Fifi.
  
• It ate Panda; yay!

Crime Alley

Little things to notice:

• graffiti tags for many Gotham gangs;
• the Zorro poster;
• several "real" Gotham newspapers;
• the "Park Row" street sign;
• the fire escapes are hindering terrain;
• the Joe Coyne Wanted poster.

Apex City: The Martian Manhunter Heroclix Map

As you'll remember, I had previously deduced that the Silver Age Martian Manhunter lived in Apex City, Florida, and was further committed to making an Apex City Heroclix map for him and his fans.

Why? Because it was the will of the people as determined by my poll, and I am the Slave of Duty.

At first I was worried. This isn't like making a map of Metropolis where you throw in one landmark, like the Daily Planet, and call it a day because everyone will recognize it. Did JJ's unnamed city even have any local features for a map to feature?

I shouldn't have worried! Apex City is full of recognizable features, even if the only people who'll recognize any of them are serious Martian Manhunter fans. But, then, that's who the map is for!

Naturally, the principle feature of Apex City, "America's Most Flammable City!", is that something is ALWAYS on fire. So I included many of the buildings we've seen burning in Martian Manhunter stories, like

• the Ajax Apartments, which are...
• near the Mason Mattress Co. ("The Girl-Hero Contest),
• the Jones Supermarket ("The Impossible Manhunt'),
  
• the Bijou Theater (from "The Crime Conjurer" and "The Dog With a Martian Master"),
  
• Jones Hardware ("The Impossible Manhunt"),
• the Jones Clothing Store ("The Impossible Manhunt"),
• and the July 4th Fireworks Co. ("The Impossible Messages")
  

Other, apparently less flammable, structures shown include

• Police Headquarters (under attack by a cloaked Venusian ship, as in "The Defeat of J'onn J'onnz"),
• Highgate Bridge (a hotspot of Diane Meade activity)
• Union Drawbridge (which J'onn so memorably replaced one time with his butt in "John Jones' Pesky Partner")
  
• the Apex Art Galleries ("The Crime College")
  
• the Daily Clarion (where J'onn worked as "The Super Reporter"),
• the Ace Time Company Building with its giant radium covered rooftop alarm clock ("The Menace of Mr. Moth")
  
• the City Planetarium (from "The Menace of Mr. Moth" and "The Getaway King")
  
• Rainbow Beach (from "The Sleuth Without a Clue"... I am so sure, Mary!), which sports a dangerous shark (there were sharks every single time J'onn went in the water!), a sexy cephalopod with whom J'onn can enjoy sweet sweet octopus love, and a Hot Dog Stand (which actually appeared in the story, thank you very much);
• a mosaic honoring the city's champion baseball team, the Flamingos ("The Case of the Magic Baseball").
  
• surely, you didn't think I would omit the Human Squirrel climbing the Apex Loan Company Building (just like in "The Ex-Convicts Club")
• and Apex City's most unique landmark, the Statue of Atlas Painted With Phosphorus (once stolen in "The Menace of Mr. Moth"). If that doesn't qualify as a landmark, I don't know what does.

The roadways also refer to elements from Martian Manhunter stories:

• Elm Street ("The Martian Show Off", "The J'onn J'onnz Museum", "The Ex-Convicts Club", and "Ordeal By Fire"), Shore Road, Front Street ("The Martian Show Off"), State Street ("The J'onn J'onnz Musuem"), Eastview Drive ("J'onn J'onnz vs. the Vigilantes") are all specifically mentioned in various stories. Highland Street & Union Street are not, but I'm inferring them from the Highland Bridge and the Union Drawbridge.
  
• Hey, there's the tank from the Criminal Army in "One-Man Army".
• Three fire trucks, because in Apex, that's about how many you need per city block square
• an ice cream truck so J'onn doesn't have to waste his energy creating ice cream cones from the power of the void (as he had to do in "The World's Greatest Magician")
• that crazy future car in front of Jones Hardware probably belongs criminal genius Monty Moran ("The Getaway King"), or to the professor at "The Crime College", or it could be one of "The Impossible Inventions" of wacky inventor Hiram Horner.
• a recently plummeted meteor, because, as previously discussed, meteors are the standard weather in Apex;
• and, commenting on the general aflame-edness of Apex, a pick-up with some flammable barrels in the back, a propane delivery truck, a barbecue gone bad, and a sewer fire.

Behold, the flaming glory of Apex City,
home of the Silver Age Martian Manhunter!

Click on map for a blaze of close-up glory.

Who says Martian Manhunter lived in a nondescript urban locale? Surely, this map could only be Apex City! Believe it or not, I didn't even begin to exhaust the catalog of Apexian locales. However, one can only reasonably place so many landmarks on one tiny Heroclix map. Places I didn't put on it, but wanted to, include:

• the Apex Warehouse ("The Defeat of J'onn J'onnz"),
• the Apex Movie Studios ("The Mixed Up Martian Powers")
• the Apex Paint Company ("The One-Man Army")
  
• the Oil Cracking Plant "The Alien Bodyguard'),
• Flamingo Stadium ("The Case of the Magic Baseball")
  
• the Benton Optical Company ("Escape to the Stars")
  
• the United Oil Company ("Ordeal By Fire")
  
• Jones' Fancy Fruits ("The Impossible Manhunt" and "The Mystery of the Martian Marauders")
• the Balloon Factory near the Government Vaults ("The Crime King of Mount Olympus")
• the Mythological Museum ("The Crime King of Mount Olympus")
  
• Wilmore Flights ("The Impossible Messages"),
• the Glenwood Museum of History ("The Man Who Exposed John Jones"),
  
• water towers (they're all over the dang place!)
  
• the "Carnival of Doom",
• the Jewelers Building ("The King of the Underworld")
  
• the Yardley Toy Company ("The Crime Conjurer")
  
• the abandoned circus grounds ("Earth Detective for a Day")
  
• the Sam Jones Museum of Famous American Ships ("The Impossible Manhunt")
  
• the International Fairgrounds ("The Animal Crime Kingdom")
• the Mansfield-Cowan Company ("The Phantom Bodyguard")
  
• the Ardmore Natural History Museum ("The Crime Conjurer"),
• Marsville ("The Menace of Marsville"),
• the Jones Waxworks ("The Impossible Manhunt"),
• the Jason Warehouse ("The Hero Maker"),
• West Street ("The Crime King of Mount Olympus")
  
• the Croyden Art Shop ("The Man Who Exposed John Jones"),
• the Modern Art Museum ("John Jones' Super-Secret")
  
• Swathmore Jewelry Salon ("The Ex-Convicts Club")
• the Barnes Museum ("John Jones' Female Nemesis")
  
• the Floating Island ("The Amazing One-Man Crew"),
• the Martian Manhunter Museum (from "The J'onn J'onnz Museum")
  
• the Clang Bank (in "The Getaway King").

Apex City is FULL of landmarks. In fact, you now know more landmarks in Apex City than you can name in any other DCU city. While some of them are fairly generic, others are surely hapax phenomena. I mean, c'mon. Floating Islands? The Mythological Museum? Giant irradiated rooftop clocks? The Famous American Ship Museum? An entire building with nothing but jewelers in it? A phosphorescent statue of Atlas? Balloon factories? A life-size reproduction of a Martian neighborhood? Fancy Fruit stores? Apex is a veritable freak show; no wonder J'onn feels at home there. DC needs to bring back Apex City and put the Martian Manhunter there again to get him a chance to build up a great following for his adventures in a city that's very much his own... and every bit as eclectically bizarre as he is.

P.S. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO PLAY HEROCLIX

Red flame terrain does 2 clicks damage, and the yellow does 1 click. The rules for it are printed on the map (over on Rainbow Beach), including special rules for the Martian Manhunter himself.

• His defensive powers don't work against flame terrain (duh!);
• yellow flame turns off one of his powers, red flame two of them; as long as he's not in flame terrain,
• he can destroy it with an attack, turning it to regular hindering terrain ("I'll use my Martian lung power!")

The higher buildings (Police HQ, the Ace Time Building, the Apex Loan Building, and the Planetarium) are blocking terrain; the other buildings (including the Ajax Apartments) are elevated terrain and usually have handy fire escapes as ladders.

Yes, that is hindering terrain atop the Ajax Apartments and flame terrain atop the Fireworks Factory.
Yes, the stairs at the boardwalk are just for decoration.
Yes, the Broken Hydrant special object token can be used to turn flame terrain into water terrain.