The Impossible Inventions, Part 2

When last we left Apex City, Detective John Jones had just confiscated wealthy wannabe inventor Hiram Horner's paint spray gun cum hand-held molecular explosion ray, while assuming that meant the city was safe for a while.

Does J'onn sweat? Or is it just "John" who sweats? It really doesn't pay to think too hard about the Martian Manhunter.

And technically he is correct; the city IS safe for a while: less than 24 hours. Because the next day...

The VERY next day, in fact.

Why, it's Hiram Horner, armed with another hand-held device.  Perhaps it's an automatic cheese-slicer that, when it malfunctions, becomes an inter-dimensional reality-slicer, opening up rifts allowing the invasion of unimaginable horrors from a hell-dimension.  That would be par for the course in an MM story.  Eh; it can't be THAT bad.  The exploding statues were certainly scary for those flocking nearby but it's not like Hiram's little FUBARs are going to affect a wide area.

OH, NO--!

What th--?! "Remote-controlled airborne building transporter"? What is THAT supposed to mean?

How? Just..., just how?

Boy, I bet Buckminster Fuller wishes he'd thought of THAT.  Look, I know that some of Apex City's "skyscrapers" are oddly small, but (as Buckminster Fuller said), "have you ever really considered how much your buildings actually WEIGH?"  Hiram, at least, should know because (one presumes) he must OWN that building and have calculated the amount of thrust required to make it fly through the air.  I can also tell you there is NO WAY Horner has a permit to fly a building downtown, so he is in BIG trouble with the newly-founded FAA.

To say nothing of the WITHERING review that Dominic Magenta, unveiling critic for the Daily Clarion, has ALREADY begun to pen in his mind.

Messy logistics and legalities aside, Horner has an AMAZING and potentially very profitable invention on his hands. As long as nothing goes wrong.

I'd be coughing, too, if I smoked that much.

Oh, it's a "model" building! Well, that's... different? No, I have no idea what that means, other than implying there's no one inside it and that it was constructed solely for the purpose of Horner's demonstration.  It might mean it's just some hollow mock-up and so weighs less than a regular  building, but then it wouldn't really be much of a demonstration, now, would it? "Watch me lift this enormous barbell, made of paper maché" isn't much of a sideshow attraction.

Well, clearly MM has to do SOMETHING because, as usual, hordes of Apexians are flocking right below, gawking, because that's just what they do. And who can blame them? You'd probably gawk if you saw a floating building, too.

So, J'onn says that there is only ONE way to solve the situation. Is it:

a. Using his ultra-powerful Martian breath to blow the building out of the way?

b. Using super-speed to push the flock of Apexians out of the way?

c. Using Martian-vision to vaporize the model building into unthreatening dust? 

or

d. Spinning?

LET'S FIND OUT!

Dude, if passing cops can SEE Mr. Moth inside the mothcopter atop a skyscraper, then they can definitely see you atop an airborne building.

What the heck is J'ONN going to do up there?

I... what?

Is firm-rooftop-anchoring a previously unmentioned Martian power?  Whatever, J'onn; just do whatever you want because we know where "propeller blades" is headed:

SPINNING.

I REALLY want to see an animated version of this. Does he keep spinning his top half in one direction while his bottom half remains motionless and if so HOW CREEPY IS THAT?

J'onn's done some ridiculous stunts, like allowing cars to drive over his giganticized butt in the absence of a bridge, but this one is uniquely improbable.  

Naturally, realizing that Hiram Honer is a thousand times more threatening to public safety than escaped convict Willy Ward, J'onn J'onzz the Martian Manhunter, in his earth guise as Detective John Jones, arrests the hapless inventor, who then languishes in jail for the rest of his natural life.

Or he lightly scolds him as Horner is distracted by J'onn's ridiculous stunt. 

I guess the one thing J'onn can be grateful for is that none of Horner's exploding/falling fiascos are on fire!

Tomorrow: Hiram Horner instigates multiple exploding falling fiascos on fire.

The Impossible Inventions! Part 1

Apex City must be a fun and exciting place to live. For as long as one lives, that is.

Vague but catchy title? A flocking mass of faceless citizens? An improbably large object plummeting from the sky to endanger them?  The Martian Manhunter confused about which of his countless powers to use to fix the situation?

Welcome to Apex City (again)!

You know right from the start that is Martian Manhunter story (from Detective Comics # 279) is going to be a doozy.  Apex City is certainly well known for its falling objects but... entire buildings?!  Well done, Hiram Horner, Inventor Extraordinary!

We begin at Apex City Police Headquarters, where corpulent Captain Harding addresses the Martian Manhunter with some gravity.  It's Captain Harding, so it's quite a LOT of gravity, if ya know what I mean.

"How come?"  
It's just... not something you expect the Martian Manhunter to say.
"How come you sound like an eleven-year-old, J'onn?"

Mysterious! Does Captain Harding's wife suspect he's having an affair with J'onn?  

Because nothing arouses suspicion less than a public announcement in a newspaper of a Top-Secret Mission.

You know, Captain Harding's first name has never been revealed, but Apex City has a strong tradition of alliterative names like "Willy Ward", so I'm going to guest it's something like "Horace". It's all much easier for Stan Lee to remember that way.

Willy Ward is, of course, not the focus on the story, but just a plot device to force the Martian Manhunter, who at this point in his career was publicly known to the citizens of Apex, to HIDE himself and any use of his powers. Because that's the REAL challenge for omni-powerful super-beings in the Silver Age; not Doing Something but Doing Something WITHOUT people knowing you did it.  

Fortunately, you can always rely on your gay co-workers to keep your secret, as long as you let them watch you undress in the storeroom.

But that challenge doesn't phase J'onn, since that's literally just what he's been doing for most of his time on Earth. Not phasing; I mean doing his Martian Manhunter schtick without revealing himself.

And when something is a snap for J'onn,
it is often quite literally a snap for J'onn.

So, "John Jones" goes about his regular routine of walking around aimlessly with nothing to do until the opportunity to catch a criminal presents itself. What could possibly go wrong?

Hiram Horner, that's what.

John happens upon a flock of citizens doing what Apexians do best: flocking.  Which provides deranged one-percenter Hiram Horner a chance to demonstrate his self-driving cybertruck, er, I mean, his "molecular light-beam painter".

In case you are not familiar with the semiotics of comic books, I am here to tell you that whenever you see someone who looks like this

about to fire a hand-held device, nothing good is about to happen.

Sure enough, Hiram's demonstration of PAINTING A STATUE goes wrong. Horribly wrong.

Sit for a moment and consider all the things you might say if you suddenly realized that statues were blowing up in front of you and it was your fault. I'll wager "Mercy!" isn't among them, unless you're Lex Luthor.

Thus, J'onn is presented with the challenge of using his many Martian powers without anyone noticing him.

Personally, I would have just shot Hiram in the leg with my service revolver, but then, I don't have Martian powers.

It seems clear that Hiram's wealth is inherited. He's upset that he's failed to perfect a fancy spray-painter rather than being elated that he's invented a hand-held MOLECULAR EXPLOSION RAY, for which DoD (or Rainbow Man or Crazy Quilt or the Rainbow Raider) would pay PLENTY for. Dr. Doog would be green with envy and if he weren't you could PAINT him green, then watch him EXPLODE at the molecular level.

How does the Martian Manhunter solve this problem?

a.  blowing the statues away with his Martian breath, which we know has the strength to lift an armored car?

b. using superspeed and invulnerability to catch or interrupt the flying shrapnel?

c. knocking a tree atop the statues to absorb the brunt of the molecular explosions? or

d. spinning?

If you are a true Martian Manhunter fan, you know that the answer must be "d. spinning" since the first principle of Martian power use is "All problems that can be solved by spinning must be solved by spinning." Thus:

Waiting for J'onn J'onzz to get a grip can be a LONG wait.

At you amateurs who are saying "BUT HE'S GOT INTANGIBILITY!", I shake my head sadly.  If he's intangible he can't GET A GOOD GRIP on the block of statues. Silly humans.  This is why you don't deserve Martian powers, you would have no understanding of how to use them. You wouldn't be able to topple water towers by snapping your fingers, or gather gold from sea-water with your mind, or to recreate the atom particles of an ice cream cone by summoning all the powers from the void of space.  

For example, you probably think MM is about to invisibly LIFT the statue away from the flocking Apexians. Nope; invisible or not, that would still give away his activity. Instead...

WHUMP.  Now you know what a statue falling into a hole in the ground sounds like.

The Silver Age gets a bad rap, art-wise, but MM stories often have these great Renaissance art moments with numerous people having different reactions in different directions to various activities.

It's a pity Boticelli never got to illustrate a Martian Manhunter story.

Having hidden the presence of the Martian Manhunter effectively during his save, John Jones politely and apologetically takes custody of the hand-held Molecular Explosion Ray from self-excusing one-percenter science hack Hiram Horner.

Yes, well, the difference, Hiram, is that when EDISON killed, he did it INTENTIONALLY.

It's sad, really.  I mean, when I think of hours of my life I myself have wasted painting statues by hand...!

Fortunately, it's not as if even the most ambitious mad scientist can develop MULTIPLE hand-held weapons of mass destruction at the same time, so Apex City should be safe from Hiram Horner for now.

Tomorrow: Hiram Horner threatens hundreds with aerial doom the very next day.

Doll Man Moment: Proto-Pym

 Remember, long, LONG, before Hank Pym 

slapped anybody...

there was Doll Man.

Endorsement: Metamorpho

 Okay, now it starts to get WEIRD. Because now I am endorsing Metamorpho.

The tone is quite light-hearted but they don't shy away from any of Metamorpho's intrinsic weirdness.  The historic cast of oddball characters is there (Rex "Metamorpho" Mason, billionaire Simon Stagg, his daughter Sapphire, and his assistant Java the Thawed Out Neanderthal).  

Java is a Neanderthal. The only other Neanderthal left in the DCU is Vandal Savage.  You'd think they'd, you know, at least meet for a drink at some point.  

They even brought back Element Gal Urania Blackwell (after what Neil Gaiman did to her) as her original vivacious,  Rex-hungry espionage agent self. 

Not saying there was anything WRONG with what he did. That was an amazing read and remains one of the most moving comic books stories I have ever read.  But ... it still IS, whether it's "retconned" or not.  Readers really deserve to get over that hang-up.

And throw in some appropriately oddball additions, like Prince Ra-Man.

Linking the otherwise long-unused legend of Prince Ra-Man with Metamorpho's still mysterious origin in discovering the Orb of Ra is a smart move in dynasty-building for Metamorpho.

Rex Mason's transformation into Metamorpho is synopsized in the most elegant origin recap since the one Superman got in All-Star Superman:

Efficient alliteration.

The characters have been updated a tad, in good ways.

Stagg is still a ****, of course, but he's now a much more pro-active one, not always expecting others to save him (and his stuff).

And they give Simon his due. He's not merely an unscrupulous billionaire. He's a BRILLIANT unscrupulous billionaire.

Sapphire is no longer merely a brainless heiress, she's a talented internet sensation in her own right.  Java still works for Stagg, but the man's got some backbone now and is now longer the toady he originally was.

In fact, he seems to be the only person who gets away with back-talking Stagg, which is a welcome change.

As for Metamorpho himself, he's charming, funny, and loaded with chemical interactions, which have always been the character's stock in trade. 

On the one hand, Metamorpho is and always has been goofy and stupid. On the other hand, I have learned something from nearly EVERY Metamorpho story. How many characters can you say that about?

OTHER than Tennessee Tuxedo, of course.

 The creators gave him a power-appropriate opponent in "Mister Three" and a shadowy evil organization (CYCLOPS) to threaten him. They also cleverly give him his own city to work in (Jump City) and make it clear that it is very much its own place and one that sets the context and tone of Metamorpho and his adventures.

This makes it clear that, although obviously a contemporary setting, Jump City's vibe is a '60s-style go-go check one, rooted in the same era that the character of Metamorpho is.

Calling it "Jump City" is clever.  Anyone who knows Jump City as the location of the Teen Titans cartoon of the early 2000s will understand that this comic is going for a similar light-hearted tone (but with sufficient 'serious' action and challenge).  Besides, having your own fictionopolis is nearly essential to being a dynastic centerpiece in the DCU and it helps put Metamorpho on firmer footing.

Might not be a bad place for Plastic Man; although his roots are in a different time period, his surroundings need to be wacky-proof.

Even if you don't (historically) like Metamoprho, this comic is a master class in tone and timing.

Here is the comic showing "cinematic style" done right, since this action and motion, even if only implied, in each of these panels.

Here is the comic, in a mere two panels showing every major character, and their relationships with one another, while setting up the entire plot going forward.

Metamorpho is just about as good as Metamorpho can possibly be; I endorse completely.

P.S. I am endorsing not merely Metamorpho per se.  It's more than that; it is a repudiation of the Procrustean approach to editing and comics publishing. Metamorpho is a prime example of DC letting each character have its own world, its own genres, its own tone, rather than trying to stuff them all into some template for the sake of having a universe perfectly consistent in tone and type.

That universal "house-style" approach does have its benefits.  Marvel masterfully made the most of those by creating a shared universe and creating characters within it.  It makes crossovers (and cross-over appeal) easier and more powerful.

But DC is, and always has been, a colorful crazy quilt of different types of characters and storytelling.  They do (loosely) occupy the same universe, but that universe encompasses wildly different storytelling environments. To try and 'iron out' those differences and force them all to fit into one mode does a disservice to them all, gaining little and losing much; it disrespects the intelligence of the readers to think they cannot understand, accept, or enjoy this variety; it deracinates characters and IP from their original contexts, only to wither and die.  Books like Metamorpho signal that DC is finally playing to its own strengths, rather than stumbling over itself in a vain attempt to acquire the advantages of its competition.  In a healthy DCU, there might be a place for ANY type of storytelling that has previously happened in any DC comic (provide the market will support it).  

Except "The DC Challenge!"; just **** that.

I (and I believe most DC fans) love the DCU precisely because it can be a place where a Speed Saunders, a Plastic Man, a Metamorpho, and a Justice League Unlimited can all co-exist for our enjoyment and amazement.  It's nice to see that DC finally seems to believe that, too.

Endorsement: Green Arrow

There is a lot happening in the DCU right now. And, surprisingly... I endorse almost all of it, including...

Green Arrow.

You read right; I'm recommending Green Arrow.

And that's not something I do lightly.

Point 1.  Green Arrow's scope has been limited appropriately.  In the previous run on GA, Ollie was padding about space-time more easily than running across of a rooftop.

Perhaps I could have chosen a better metaphor.

It also focused very much on his role at the paterfamilias of the Arrow Family. Which is nice and all, but...

it works much better when the central character is rock solid. It's something you can do with Batman.  But, as history teaches us, simply pretending Green Arrow is Batman doesn't make him Batman.

The new creative team recognizes this and are focused on Ollie himself Green Arrowing.  

Point 2. Good pacing.  I rail on a lot about decompression.  Green Arrow (#1 and #2) is great example of story that doesn't dash along at a Silver Age pace but is still not guilty of decompression. It takes three pages (its FIRST three pages) to show "there's pollution at a local playground".  But this isn't padding; it's zooming in on the crux of the story.  This is important, not only to our story but to Green Arrow.  

This is two pages where only one word is said.  But everything that is happening is important. We get a sense of the effort that Green Arrow is making, we see him doing *gasp* detective work.  I consider this "acceptably cinematic".

Point 3. They let Green Arrow detect. Look, Ollie's not the World's Greatest Detective. He may not even been a great detective. But he has a keen eye and is good at lateral thinking and the action should show those advantages.

People who think normally do not think of Plastic Cat Arrows.

The story gives a couple opportunities for Green Arrow to make contributions to an investigation outside of shooting arrows at stuff.

Point 4. The creators have done a great job with Ollie's personality. 

Ollie is a hard-ass who will let you know if you have failed this city.

But he is genuinely sorry for you that you messed up.

They have created a balance for it I have not seen before (outside the TV show).   

On the one hand, Ollie has no trouble being a rude pain in the neck.

On the other hand, he's not just spouting "liberalisms" randomly. His outrage isn't diffuse and random, it's specific, targeted, and (arguably) justifiable. THIS is a Green Arrow I can get behind.

And nobody wants to get IN FRONT of Green Arrow. Not even Barry.

Point 5. His outfit is cool.

Okay, fine; "cool" is a relative term when it comes to Green Arrow costumes. But the black and green works, his little cape is adorable, the opera gloves are VERY Mike Grell, he's wearing a utility belt, and, for the first time in my memory, he's covering his FACE with a scarf.

It's REALLY adorable. It's like he's still a member of the Junior Spectre Fan Club.
But, really, it does look like something you'd wear in Sherwood Forest, so I think it works.

So, now, it's just Ollie Queen who has a goatee, which doesn't even look all that stupid any more.

Ollie's a tech-bro, after all. It would be almost weird if he DIDN"T have that facial hair.

Point 6. The creators aren't shying away from the problems of writing a tech-billionaire who cares about The Little People.   Ollie is connected to the victims in the case (and might become one!) because he "ran the (evil) company for a month as a favor" to a friend.  That's just the most billionaire-bro thing EVER.

Point 7. The first and current plot is about a big multinational not caring about some of their business causing poisoning among The Little People and the writers take the time and care to personalize it. Not only is that perfectly on point for Green Arrow (as a '70s-style activist) is excellent a creating a niche for Green Arrow's adventuring.

This is some visual storytelling like I haven't seen since the '70s. It made me care.  The panel with the fallen groceries hit me in the feels.

Point 8. What this (and some more) adds up to is: Green Arrow feels unique.

Which, in Green Arrow's case, is not a given.

And unique in a good way.  

That's eight reasons. That's enough for now.

Eight is enough, as they say.

I endorse your reading the new Green Arrow.