Sunday, January 29, 2023


It begins, as it often does, with American eccentric SPEED SAUNDERS reading in his personal library. 

“Let’s see what quandary Slam Bradley has found his way into this month…!”



OH NO, it’s 

  • His granddaughter-or-niece-or-something who spells her name wrong & her sweaty husband, the one who smells like Aqua Velva; 
  • Speed’s blond contact from Chinatown; 
  • the Useful Female Informant he had sex with at 2AM in the plaza during the Adventure in Little Africa
  • the blue-haired homeless guy he brought in for an all-nighter once when there were no cases to work on; and 
  • the guy who inspects his home for compliance with Neighborhood Action Plans!

ONE of them must be The Killer.

Speed gets "in the zone" which is what he call it when he's ace investigating, because he's an American eccentric.

Carter Hall, digger of things.

Sierra Kirk, indiscriminate plaza piece.

Minato Morita, suspiciously helpful, means of income unknown.

Fuifui, supposed homeless person.

Hiro Suzuki, easily bribed N.A.P. inspector.

Shayera Hall, thing who is frequently dug.

The first suspect to be eliminated was Hiro Suzuki, the N.A.P. inspector.

It turned out he wasn’t there for the party. He had simply come to inspect the home, coincidently at the same time.  Oops.

Speed quickly began a stealth interrogation of the remaining guests through charming repartee about their tastes and habits.

Speed: <Discuss Interests>; <Ask: Taste in Food; Taste in Venues>.

“Really, Fuifui? You seem surprisingly FIT for a homeless man who eats only junk food…”

Speeds notices that Fuifui has a Bad Relationship with his Chinatown contact.  How did THAT happen?  Jealousy? Was that the connection?

The Face of Judgement looms AWFULLY close to Fuifui as the others look on with relief.

HIs younger-indeterminate-female-relative and her odd-smelling husband (whom Speed really likes because he’s an expert on ancient foreign objects were the final guests to leave. Meanwhile, Speed made a call, on a hunch.

"Yes, doctor, stand by. Some STOMACH-PUMPING may be required. Hm, what? No, one of the guests brought Fruitcake."

Clearing his head by jumping on a box repeatedly, as is his habit, and, realizing that his theory, no matter how counter-intuitive, MUST be correct…

"I must... LEAP!  To a conclusion."

he put on his skiing outfit and made some wienies to prepare for the final confrontation.

"OH... AN... Australian went yodeling, on a mountaintop high…"

The Moment of Truth arrived. Hero versus...


“Yes, Mr. Saunders? You wanted to talk about your Neighborhood Action Plan inspection fine?”

“No, Hiro.  Actually, I had simply deduced something. That if YOU weren’t the killer….”

“then I HAD to be.”


"I dunno, Grim, sometimes it's almost as if Reality were like putty in my hands!"

"So, one time I found this kid on a sled... oh, you heard about that?
Oh, ha hah, right, of course you did..."


Anonymous said... do you come up with these storylines?

Scipio said...

They happen and I just watch them.

Anonymous said...

Has technology finally caught up to Golden Age comic book storytelling? When the singularity happens, will society revolve around solving nonsensical mysteries? Why is a future trapped in a Speed Saunders story fill me with both terror and delight?

- Mike Loughlin

Scipio said...

When the singularity happens, will society revolve around solving nonsensical mysteries?

Ever read "The Lightning Saga", Mike?

Anonymous said...


[pours one out for Proty I]

- Mike Loughlin

Anonymous said...

Today, February 20th, is Hal Jordan's birthday! He is Prettiest Green Lantern Of All years old.

Scipio said...

Heh, actually, Mike, I meant "Brad Meltzer's Lightning Saga". I suppose the real "mystery" there was: "WTH was this about, anyway?"