When we last left Apex City, Officers Toody and Muldoon, blinded by Mr. Moth's super-spotlight, were careening their squad card into a flock of gawking Apexians.
|If only J'onn would share with the world his marvelous Martian technology of 'brakes".|
Naturally, nothing can be done, and scores of people die. Ha, no; this is where the Martian Manhunter lives, after all. As mentioned in previous posts, he never has anything to do and is always wandering around, waiting to be imperiled by a garbage-can fire. In fact, here he comes now...
|In what world do detectives have 'routine rounds'?|
At this point I feel it important to emphasize: J'onn is an alien. VERY alien. J'onn does not see the world as you and I do, at all. If J'onn sees a discarded light bulb or a used paper cup lying on the ground between him and a trash can, he does not think, "I shall pick this trash up and place it in the bin."
No. What J'onn thinks is: "A piece of trash! Lying on the ground in front of me, near that trashbin! Hm... If I oscillate my hand quickly enough, it can create a vortex that will lift the debris up...up...and into the trashbin! And any bystanders gawking around this area will attribute it to a lucky gust of wind!"
Because J'onn is WEIRD. I shudder to think what his house looks like. He probably uses Martian-vision to make toast, then uses the unplugged toaster to butter it. Wouldn't want to risk the bread catching on fire, now, would you?
|A...a coal truck? What th--?!|
Skipping the obligatory "change into Martian Manhunter" scene, here.
|Obviously this must take MUCH less time than, say, just grabbing the car.|
Once again, crazed alien disco queen J'onn J'onzz decides that spinning is the thing to do. Even I'm non-plussed. Even for J'onn this plan is absurd.
|The first rule of being a Martian is:|
"All problems that can be solved by spinning
must be solved by spinning."
As a reminder: apparently, Apex City squad cars' brakes do not function if you can't see where you are going.
I challenge you to come up with a more ridiculous way for J'onn to save the crowd from the squad car. You can think about it all day, and you will fail. Because YOU are not a Martian.
You know, I think I have figured it out: there is some sort of Martian version of the Prime Directive that J'onn is trying desperately to uphold. He can't DIRECTLY interfere in anything, but if he sets up the right dominos, he can indirectly create the outcome he desires, and advert a war in the Gamma Quadrant.
Later, at police headquarters, Detective John Jones shows once again why the department would be lost without him:
|"Good god, Holmes; it's so simple once you've explained it!"|
"ORLY?," thinks Captain Harding. "That's a GREAT idea, Jones. And here I was, wondering whether I should ask him out on a date. If you weren't the ONLY detective on the entire force, I would fire you so fast it would make your head spin. But you'd probably like that..."