Friday, September 07, 2012

Octopus Week #4: "R" is for... Regatta!

So, under the nearly mindless direction of the octopus....

Oops; I meant this one:

... the Octopus Gang plots to rob a bullion-laden salvage ship.

Hey, when you're wearing a tentacle hat, you have to hire whatever help you can.

How the heck do villains find stuff like this out?!  Must subscribe to the Twitter feed of every two-bit treasure hunter in America.  "Boss!  Old Man Simons just found a fifty-cent piece with a metal detector down at Starfish Beach!" "Forget it, boys; we're after bigger game: SILVER DOLLARS."

So, the plot is to get on board by disguising themselves as a college crew team participating in a regatta, and fake an emergency so the salvagers can "rescue" them.

Hey, wait a minute... .  A crew team manned by guys who are clearly beyond college years gets picked up by a boatful of rope-wielding sailors who've been out at sea for weeks on end and... OMG I TOTALLY RENTED THIS MOVIE!

It was called "STROKE!", I think.

"Those were guns in your shorts?! DAMN!  That's disappointing on several levels."

Unfortunately for the Octopus Gang, the salvage ship happens to have the only telegraph operator who doesn't know the phrase "SOS".

Pictured: Twitter 1.0

Fortunately for the Octopus Gang, the "help" he manages to summon is...

...Green Arrow and that Kid in the Yellow Hat.

Continuing their tradition of fantastic getaways (An eight ball!  A Studebaker!), the Octopus Gang skin-dives their way to safety.

"omg even got the loot this time screw you dent #2facesucks"

By the way, add that to the 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow: skindiving. 

 I find his logic unfathomable.

See, now this is where Green Arrow, even I must confess, shows that he is a true superhero.  Even though he's a loser, with an unworkable schtick in a ridiculous outfit in the city with the lowest IQ in the DCU, Green Arrow has the one power that distinguishes real superheroes from run-of-the-mill crimefighters and police:

he thinks like a supervillain. Because no one is his right mind would be able to discern this imbecilic pattern from among the myriad details in any series of robberies.  In this way, I am forced to concede, Green Arrow is in Batman's league.

In fact, Green Arrow's so good at it, once he's figured out the pattern, all the fun is gone out of the chase, and he longer even feels the need to pry his butt off the sofa.

Um... Ollie?  Take a hint: Batman and Robin do not wander around the living rooms of Wayne Manor in costume, with the curtains open.

"Oh, yes, Henry VIII; it's also so... so obvious now.  Yawn."  Yeah, at this point, if the Octopus Gang wants to grab Ollie's attention with their tentacles of crime, they are pretty much going to have to reach right into his living room... .


Scott said...

So was his green hat at the cleanioers?

TotalToyz said...

Nah; Speedy put it in the washer with his red jerkin and tights.

Nathan Hall said...

Wait - those crooks are skindiving while holding a box full of bullion? And they aren't sinking?

Wait - did they steal bullion or bouillion? 'Cause if it's the latter, that explain why the crew didn't put up much of a right.

Bryan L said...

Well, they needed the bullion's weight to get eight fathoms down. Of course, without air, that's a one-way trip. Hope the Octopus taught them to breathe underwater.

ronald said...

Just to nitpick, the concept of "college years" is pretty much without meaning. ANY adult from 18 to Whatever can enroll in college. The notion that colleges contain no one but young adults 18-22 or so has been perpetuated for decades by not only comic books but also by film, TV, and most other forms of mass media, but it's simply not true. I'm just sayin'.

SallyP said...

Yeah, I wondered about the brilliance of stealing gold and escaping underwater. I would imagine, it's still down at the bottom of the...well, whatever body of water it was.

Gosh, but Ollie is a tool.

Anonymous said...

You might notice, ronald, that college athletic teams almost always *are* between 18 and 22.