Mensacentric Superinactivity

So many people have been critical of the level of inactivity in Justice League of America since its relaunch. But, after all, Mensacentric Superinactivity is a long-standing tradition in the JLA, and one of the Clues You're In Justice League Story ...

"Fortunately, if I nod off my helm will prevent my head from falling forward."  

"When the movie version of this meeting is made, I want to be played by Linda Hamilton."  

"I bet J'onn could take the form of any calendar babe I wanted."  

"Dishwashing liquid, Captain?"  

"Relax, J'onn; it's Palmolive."  

"The irony: escaped the fire pits, but stuck at this meeting."  

"I would trade the whole lot of you for one athletic boy in green swimming trunks."

"Stupid tech geeks! This isn't AV Club! Get your butts over here before I fry them with heat vision!" 

"Heh. I can see down Wonder Woman's bodice. Heh. Heh heh." 

"Men!"  

"Oh, Green Lantern; why won't you notice me?!"

It took Green Lantern and Li'l Aquaman 70 minutes and a bottle of scotch to get that gavel out of where the Atom shoved it; Snapper still has a limp.

"If only we had some photos of other heroes to stare at and discuss; or maybe some exciting UN resolutions."  

"Did I remember to tivo CSI:Gotham?"  

"God, my hands are beautiful!"  

"I bet the Martian Manhunter could take the form of any calendar babe I wanted."  

"By H'ronmeer, Green Arrow's mind is like a sewer!"  

"I'm so glad I built a toilet into this little chair!"  

"Huh; this table has 147 fewer atoms in it than it did at our last meeting..."  

"While I've been in this meeting, an estimated 11 people have been gruesomely murdered in Gotham, no doubt including one of my proteges."  

"Hey, Peter? Wait, let me put you on hold; Topo's calling me on the other aquatelepathic line-- Topo? Yeah, it's okay, it's just Pufferfish, he can wait..."  

"I'd give any one of them my virginity! Especially Green Lantern; gosh, his hands are beautiful!"

"Yes, actually; I suggest you, Clark, and I dismiss the rest of these losers and continue this discussion at my cave. We should take our time, about four issues or so, and go over lots of photographs in the process, as if we were unable to remember who any of our fellow heroes are without pictures to jog our memories. I'm in favor; say 'aye'." 

 

While the Miss Thing Sisters share their wardrobe worries, Wonder Woman slips deeper into paranoia:

"Who's behind it all? Why aren't female characters immune from danger and suffering? Why does Dan DiDio hate Cassandra so much? Who's killing the great chefs of Europe?"  

"I could be Kid Lantern if he'd only give me a chance!"  

"Spitter? Snippy? Spackler? Julius H. Schwartz, why can't I ever remember this kid's name?"  

"In the time I've sat here listening to this drivel, a rare jewel has been stolen, the reservoir's been poisoned, and a librarian's been shot in the spine."

Aquaman has "an important case" to work on? C'mon, even I don't believe that. Look; even Aquaman doesn't believe it. You can just see the implied thought balloon: 

"Let's see now: sea cow milk; fish eggs; jeez, if I forget anything, Mera'll kill me! Finny friends, come to my shopping aid!"

Sometimes during those slow times, the civicly-minded Wonder Woman leads them all in rousing discussion of international policy, particularly UN directives on NGO-initiated commisZzzzzzzzzzzznn....

"Must-- stifle-- bat-laughter!" 

"I could run over to Zatanna's place, finish, and be back before they notice!" 

"I mean, she's not that pretty. Not as pretty as me, certainly..." 

"HA! I knew I could p*ss on her hand from here! I'm the man! 

 "What do you mean, the sharks are 'busy'? Oh, for Neptune's sake, Minnow, can't you even handle Cutlass Charlie by yourself?! Fine, I'll contact the candiru for you..." 

"Then, after I've killed them all, I'll use my x-ray vision to put my face on every quarter in the nation..." 

"I really need to see a doc about these lesions; darn you, Zatanna!"

I mean, how bad is it when even the Milk & Cookies Club think your comic is boring?

"A quaker meeting?" 

Asked Starman, constipated. 

"Where is the Drama?"

Let's just hope that things in the Justice League of America are finally sparking up a mere six issues later, shall we?