4. Firehawk
There are a lot of bad people in Crisis on Infinite Earths: the Crime Syndicate, the Anti-Monitor, the Joker, Sugar & Spike.
But by far the worst is Lorraine Reilly, a.k.a. "Firehawk".
Thousands of universes very much like your own have been destroyed and the culprit is still at large. The five remaining universes are impinging upon one another,
causing temporospatial disruptions that have halted quotidian civilization. An unconscious Justice League member has just died by violently exploding in the room next to you while you're on the JLA satellite, destroying a good chunk of it and rupturing the outer hull. Civilians and colleagues are immediately imperiled, and your boyfriend is struggling to save the faithful and much beloved Martian Manhunter, who is nearly dead from the fire. You, fortunately, have godlike powers of molecular reconstruction, as if you were Dr. Manhattan of the Watchmen. What do you do?Why, design a new costume, silly! AND re-do your hair.
"Look at me, Ronnie," she pesters Firestorm, distracting the only other person who could fix the situation.
"Do you like my new outfit? I copied the design from the side of a landrover I saw in Arizona on winter break. Do you think it draws too much attention to my breast, tee-hee? Am I prettier than Killer Frost now? Did you notice how my cuffs match my hair?"
I mean, how bad is it when even Ronnie Raymond, the only person ever to lose a Scrabble game against Lana Lang, notices that your behavior is idiotically inappropriate?
And still the outfit is hideous.
Yes, but at least this way she doesn't look like a second-rate Starfire anymore. Plus, you know, there's no precedent for godlike beings with molecular reconstruction powers like Dr. Manhattan to walk around naked...oh, wait.
ReplyDeleteWhat we didn't see was what Blue Devil said to her when he first got to the satellite.
"Wow, Starfire, when did you learn modesty? What happened to your giant rack? Oh, wait, you're just Firehawk. Jeez, girl, find your own color scheme."
So, in a fit of fashion-induced rage, she tears off her costume and designs a new one on the spot, using the explosion as an excuse.
" the only person ever to lose a Scrabble game against Lana Lang".
ReplyDeleteThat? Was beautiful.
And yes, in addition to the "Why the hell exactly do we need a Firestormette in the DCU" factor ("Hey! The kids loves them some Firestorm! Let's make one for girls!"), Dark Phoeni----err, Firehawk---apparently moped off at the end of Identity Crisis and then quit the League altogether, which I believe officially makes her worthy of a character donation.
In fairness to the character, Firehawk never had molecular reconstruction powers before or after this scene. In every other comic written about her, she just had the power to generate and withstand fantastic amounts of heat. And, somehow, to fly. She did have the 'instant change between normal human and superpowered modes' Shazam trick. Not sure what the deal is with the costume there.
ReplyDelete(Firestorm had the same trick, and when he first did it, he showed up naked and his first use of the powers was to make the costume. Somehow the costume came back the next time he powered up.)
Dude, I think you're forgetting the fact that she's a woman. Of COURSE she's going to be more excited about her new outfit and hairdo than the impending destruction of five separate creations.
ReplyDeleteThose who diss on Lana Lang will find themselves facing the wrath of the INSECT QUEEN!
ReplyDeleteIt was kind of odd that they chose to give Firehawk a new costume in Crisis. With the importance of the Crisis event, character deaths and character debuts, it just seemed like...who gives a damn if Firehawk gets a new look. I mean, it was not like Firestorm was getting a makeover. But anyways, at the time I thought it was a nice costume and felt they should have put her in the Justice League (which was filled with lower tier characters at the time anyway). Looking back now though, I think I prefer the yellow/pink costume. Not that it was anything great.
ReplyDeleteAH, you see, Lorraine's big secret is, she DOES molecular reorganization powers.
ReplyDeleteBut only when she's naked.
That would be a interesting character: a being of god-like powers... but only when he is naked. And he is repressed or think nudity is a SIN! Oh, the drama.
ReplyDelete" That would be a interesting character: a being of god-like powers... but only when he is naked. "
ReplyDeleteI'm like that myself, actually... or so I'm told.
"It was kind of odd that they chose to give Firehawk a new costume in Crisis."
ReplyDeleteActually, this sort of thing makes a lot of sense, since these mega-crossovers are designed, among other things, to fuel sales of other books ("Do you like what you see from this naked Firehawk chick? Then check out her adventures every month in The Fury of Firestorm!")
Kinda similar to how they replaced Spider-Man's costume with what would become the "Venom" symbiote. They could've done that in Web of Spider-Man or something if they wanted to, but the new costume gets even more attention and buzz by premiering in the hot Secret Wars crossover that everybody's reading.