Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Haikuesday Rebirth

I love the fact that at DC, everything old is new again. As it is in heaven, so shall it be on earth-prime, so today is the return of an old favorite here at the Absorbascon: Haikuesday.

As we've long since learned, heroes like to show their mettle not just by saving the innocent, protecting society, and stopping evildoers. They like to do those things while spouting haiku.

Why? Because they can.

Or, at least, some of them can. Interstellar dullard Hal Jordan probably couldn't command his ring to compose a haiku for him, and can only understand 575 as the sector where that brick-shaped Green Lantern is stationed or some kind of new plane he's yet to wreck.

By contrast, Barry Allen is an ingenious scientist, the kind who invents revolutionary expandable micro-fiber costumes, casually and off-panel. I mean, even the Spectre had to sew himself a costume.

No wonder these two police officers made such a natural comedic duo in the Silver Age, Barry the brainy, low-key stone-faced straight-man and Hal the brain-dead, accident-prone, eye-rolling slapstick comedian. Barry and Hal are the Tango and Cash of the DCU.

So, while Barry is analyzing the evidence at a murder scene that could threaten all the speedsters of the DCU, Hal is all "hey, let's go to a party tonight and I'll ring up lampshades for everybody!"

Barry puts Hal in his place with a firm haiku, as if to say, "Wally, like you, you moron, is merely a tool in my personal fight against crime. For I am the crimson-hued avenger, I am the lightning bolt that illuminates the dark night of crime, I am the Batman of the Mid-West. Particularly now that I'm driven by my heretofore unmentioned father's false imprisonment for murdering my mother." Not that Hal would notice, of course...


This is Wally's perp.
He'll know how to deal with this
better than I would.


What haiku can you, my brainy, low-key, stone-faced readers, compose to honor Barry's return or condemn Hal's density?

15 comments:

  1. In my war on crime
    I am constantly focused
    Hal, you are a tool.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was supposed to
    meet Wally and the others
    at home for dinner.

    Hmmmmmm.

    I'm Barry Allen.
    I'm the Fastest Man Alive.
    That is a Flash Fact.

    ReplyDelete
  3. BARRY:
    Hal, I just wish you
    would take your duties a bit
    more seriously.

    HAL:
    You don't need to be
    brainy when you're as hot as
    (two thumbs back) this guy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Stop bothering me
    Hal, go hang out with that would-
    be Robin Hood guy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh God, it's true. Hal IS pretty much braindead, and wouldn't know a Haiku from a hole in the ground.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Laughable green fool
    Head denser than osmium
    Paramagnetic

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hey Hal - dead speedster.
    Investigation needed.
    I'll just grab Wendy's.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is funny because I've been doing haiku over at my blog joninterglad.blogspot.com (stop by and leave your request).

    The Flash is as smart
    As the Green Lantern is dumb
    They're the Odd Couple.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lady Flash is dead
    Burned alive by the Speed Force
    Hal Jordan thinks, "WOULD"

    ReplyDelete
  10. HAL'S ATTEMPT
    Haiku? Okay. I
    Can do this. Um..er..um..how
    many syllables again?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Gardner Fox, John Broome
    And Julie Schwartz editing
    They were truly blessed

    Word verification "mardenes" -- where Sgt Rock and J'onn J'onzz had a little-known team-up.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I was supposed to
    meet Wally and the others
    at home for dinner.

    The Flash busts out the
    haiku so fast you sometimes
    don't catch all of them.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Mike Loughlin5/21/2009 8:13 PM

    Central City's streets;
    Endless tracts of empty space.
    Like your noggin, Hal.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I saw really much useful information above!
    Trenton real estate | teacher gift ideas | wedding fonts

    ReplyDelete