Disguised Speed Saunders had just discovered that his boss/host at the San Jose Mission ("Padre") is in fact just a toady of Evil Sugar Plantation owner, useful-female-informant abductor, and suspected murderer, Nick Del Borno.
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| The "Evil" modifies Nick, of course. It's not like he grows Evil Sugar or anything. Although he MIGHT, I suppose, if he's working for Mr. Slugworth. |
So, faced with a soup-faced fat guy and an ineffectual (and now unarmed) knife-thrower, Speed either beats them up or just pulls out his pistol on them.
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| Psych. He runs away upstairs for no accountable reason whatsoever. |
What he does next will surprise you!
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| Watch 'til the end! |
I can only surmise that since no mystery can withstand his scrutiny, Speed, who gets bored easily, has to act bizarrely and unpredictably to spice up his own adventures for himself. Why else would he almost immediately turn around and LEAP at the very people he's running from?
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| Aerial advantage, I guess. |
A Thimble Theater Donnybrook follows, with all the flying stars you could ask for.
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| Fortunately, Speed has no dignity to damage. |
Then Speed does exactly what he could have done when he ARRIVED in San Jose. Pulls out his pistol and threatens to shoot if someone doesn't tell him who killed Arthur Bell.
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| Speed always takes the direct approach. In the most indirect way possible. |
So the "mystery" is, um, solved...?
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| I'm sure that testimony given under duress of a loaded gun will hold up in court. |
Then again, perhaps Speed simply shot them right there. I mean, it's Chinatown, Jake; who's going to stop him?
P.S. Speaking of no one daring to stop Speed, it's clear that his real boss, "Mr. Marr", did NOT fire him for taking this jaunt, aa threatened. Speed is still working for the NYC Harbror Patrol for at least four more issues.
Like my hero Hal, I have suffered enough cranial trauma to actually understand what Speed is up to. He's leading whatshername to safety before leaping headfirst at the bad guys (rather than using the weaponry at his disposal).
ReplyDelete... I mean, the first part of that makes sense. And 50% is most of the the way to a passing grade.
- HJF1
If we're trying to make Speed make sense, stand back. I'm about to Geoff Johns this. As Scipio has pointed out, Speed is a metahuman with undefined powers ("mad god") that largely reorder reality in his immediate vicinity to accomplish his goals, even when it doesn't seem like it (more on this later). Speed is the child of a 5th dimensional imp and a human. As such he inherited his 5th dimensional parent's ability to affect our universe through channeling extradimensional energy, but in Speed's case, this is all involuntary and he doesn't recognize it. Remember that in current continuity Speed is Kendra Saunders' grandfather, and she clearly inherited an affinity for magic that made her susceptible to reincarnation.
ReplyDeleteThe existence of fifth dimensional imps in Speed's time period is proven by Johnny Thunder's Thunderbolt, bound to him by Bahdnisian magic. You may recall for a long time Johnny didn't consciously realize he controlled the Thunderbolt -- he'd inadvertently say "say you" and his wishes would be made real (see also Woozy Winks who was protected by "Mother Nature," whom I theorize was actually another fifth dimensional imp amusing itself).
After his birth, at some point in his childhood, Speed wished to be an adult (like Tom Hanks in Big), envying the depictions he'd seen of heroic detectives. Superman and other heroes were still largely unknown, so we can assume that's why he didn't wish for superpowers. Once he turned himself into the world's most impossibly competent detective, it never occurred to him to wish for super powers. He's Speed Saunders! What more could he ask for?
That's why Speed's adventures involve lots of improbabilities, coincidences, and very little depth. He's still a kid way down deep having cool adventures and he wants to finish this one and get to the next one. Details aren't important, any more than they were when I was playing with my GI Joes. His abilities smooth the way and handle pesky details.
So how can thugs get the drop on our hero, like the underling who smacked him with a bottle? As Scipio points out, those are plot devices to move things along. He can't actually be hurt, but he does often need input from other characters to get to his final triumph. His powers then supply that impetus.
So are his adventures real? I would argue yes. Remember, his abilities are localized. A murder in San Jose is doubtlessly real, but once Speed hears about it, his reality warping kicks in and speeds him to the crime scene where he conducts a high-speed investigation and uncovers the villain(s). Did he actually know the victim? Probably not, but once he hears about it his reality warp supplies a connection and a backstory. Do the "effects" of Speed's powers ultimately fade, like the Thunderbolt's? No, because Speed is partially of this dimension, providing a more permanent "anchor" for his reality effects.
How does Speed age to the ripe old age he achieves? He doesn't realize that he doesn't have to. So it doesn't occur to him to not be older, since everyone around him is aging. Did Speed die in the Justice Society book? I'd argue not. Once he really faced a potential death, his abilities "reset" him and he's still out there somewhere solving impossible conundrums.
And that is my theory of Speed Saunders. Ball's in your court, Geoff Johns.
Bryan, your concept is completely ridiculous. I support it 1000% and you are correct: that is EXACTLY how Geoff Johns would solve the Speed Saunders problem. I think you may be part imp yourself!
ReplyDeleteSweet Fancy Moses, I hope Geoff Johns never reads that. Because that's exactly what he'd do, but he'd also build lore about different classes of 5th dimensional imps and wreck the whole thing.
ReplyDelete- HJF1
Funny you should mention classes of fifth dimensional imps ... No, no. I'm not going to explain the differences between Thunderbolt, Myx, Quisp, and Bat-mite. Rest assured, though, I have theories.
ReplyDeleteOh go ahead and tell us you tease! It's already bad news if Geoff Johns reads this page.
ReplyDelete- HJF1
"different classes of 5th dimensional". I know only that there would seven of them; it's what he does.
ReplyDeleteJust remember you asked for it, HJF1
ReplyDeleteOf COURSE there are seven classifications of 5th dimensional imps. This ain't my first go-round with Johnsification. Imps have specific affinities for certain broad concepts, specifically (and in order of power):
TIME: No imp identified yet, more on this later
CHAOS: This is clearly Mxyzptlk
ORDER: Gsptlsnz, Mxy's opposite number
EARTH: Bat-mite
FIRE: Yz, the Thunderbolt
WATER: Qwsp
AIR: Zook, Tornado Champion/Tyrant, Woozy's Mother Nature
It's important to note that there are many imps beyond this list, but all are affiliated with one of these principles. The most powerful (and there may be only one -- perhaps we'll call it Kronos) is affiliated with TIME. You'll note that all of the lower classifications of imps typically have a weakness or boundary on their powers related to TIME, but I think TIME has little or no interest in day-to-day imp shenanigans. However, TIME is so powerful that other imps are weak to things related to the Fourth Dimension. TIME is kind of their Kryptonite. They operate for limited time, their actions disappear after specific times, and their behaviors are often constrained by times.
CHAOS and ORDER are the next two types, and they are equal in power and are generally more powerful than the other types. Gsptlsnz, being an imp of ORDER, doesn't flaunt her abilities because it's contrary to her nature but they are extremely powerful and I theorize that she is actually the entity imposing the 90-day time limit on Mxyzptlk. The more closely affiliated a lesser imp is with one of these concepts, the less power it has outside that specific area (like Bat-mite, Qwsp, and Zook). If an imp is literally bound to an earthly entity, like Yz to Johnny, its power is increased and it is typically more potent on the earthly plane, though still subject to various time constraints.
Imps are fascinated with our dimension and often choose (or are forced like Yz) to focus on a specific human whom they protect and/or torment. In the Tornado Tyrant/Champion's case, he focused on a construct, an android named Red Tornado. Imps tend to be childlike and capricious, but they can be constrained like Thunderbolt to do a human's bidding, but they'll still often resort to passive aggressive behaviors like Thunderbolt's insistence that Johnny tell him EXACTLY what to do. They will also lose interest in their subjects from timme to time, like Mother Nature abandoning Woozy. But make no mistake, imps can develop affection and respect for the humans they are focused on, like Yz, Bat-mite, Qwsp, and Zook.
The astute reader (and I know you are) will immediately realize there are implications for the rest of the DC universe. The Greek pantheon has a number of correlations to this framework (Hades is the god of earth and the underworld, Poseidon the god of the seas, Zeus the god of the skies, and of course Kronos). We have the Lords of Chaos and Order as part of the DC universe as well. I'm still pondering the Endless. Now we have a chicken and egg situation. Did the Fifth Dimensional imps precede the gods? Did the gods precede them? Or is this a case of somewhat parallel extradimensional evolution (a multiverse of magic?) with Earth-1 as a focal point for all this extradimensional activity? Further contemplation is necessary.
That's my broad interpretation of the Fifth Dimension in the DC Universe.