All Will Be Well

 Hear me! I bring good tidings: all will yet be well.

 

It's a Flash Fact.

There are things in comics you are not happy with right now. There are things in comics I myself am not happy with right now.  Such as: 

• The clearly non-sensational character find of 2021, the codename-less "Naomi".  
• There are Wildstorm characters dirtying up the DCU.  
• DC is celebrating Aquaman's 80th anniversary with a one-shot, but can't manage to sustain a title for him, despite his popularity being at an all-time high.  
• Lobo wasn't enough of a cross-platform embarrassment, apparently, and now they've thrown a daughter into the mix.  
• Bryan Michael Bendis is writing Justice League.  
• The Teen Titans are running a Xavier Academy expy.  
•  DC is again trying to make "Amazons in the Amazons happen", which seems childishly simplistic. 
• Damian Wayne still exists.
• They've replaced Barry Allen with Wally West (again). 

Try, without laughing, to imagine Wally West saying "All will be well."

It's not that there aren't many good things going in comics right now (both on paper and on screen).  But dumb things like the above still rankle.  That's why I take solace in reminding myself of an EASILY forgotten axiom of comics:

Dumb things don't last.

Let's consider some of the examples. Some you may have forgotten; some you may have never even noticed.

Remember when Alfred was dead?

The first time, I mean.

Or Barry Allen?

This is what happens when you are too busy to moisturize.

Or Supergirl?

Although in that outfit it was a mercy.

Do you remember Aztek?

Don't worry; he didn't.

And Triumph?

The Justice League didn't remember him either.

And Tomorrow Woman?

SUCH a drag queen.

Do you remember Aquaman's hook hand?

Such a drama queen.

And his water hand?

Much better for vogueing, though.

and when he was *snort* raised by dolphins?

I can't even.

Remember Wonder Woman's leather look?

Fine; I'll admit I liked it if you will.

And her mod look?

BWHAHAHAHA

And when she became a goddess?

At least she's not wearing heels.

Remember the Sword of the Atom?

Nothing says "take me seriously" like barbarian cosplay ON TOP OF spandex cosplay.

The Sword of Atlantis?

AAARRRR!!!

The Sword of Warlord?

Sure, I read it; but only with the sound turned down.

Do you remember the hunchback who lived in the Batcave?

I'm not even going to count the car.

Or the one who was Superman's brother?

The Haneyverse.

Remember the Ten-Eyed Man?

I don't get the 'free plug' either.

Or Replicant?

At least The Suit was honest about being an empty character.

Or Tallyman?

This Spawn-BS is what happens when you let artists create characters instead of writers.

Remember Kenny Braverman?

Saying "Clarkie" automatically disqualifies you as a potentially serious character.

Or Cobalt Blue?

Ugh, of COURSE he had a sword.  And mummy boots.

or Tommy Elliott?

Shouldn't HE be the one with mummy boots?

Do you remember Tanga?

I don't.

or Garbage Man?

I just assume it was supposed to be a joke of some kind.

or Resurrection Man?

Yet he got a Heroclix figure before Killer Moth.

Do you remember the New Guardians?

Really, what MORE can I say about the New Guardians?

Or Bloodlines?

Artists. Again.

Or Armageddon 2001?

Needs more crackle.

Well, I could go on. Anyone could.  But why bother? All these dumb ideas were effaced by time, erased by apathy, negated by negative feedback.  That's why, whatever there is in (DC) comics that is bothering you, if it's truly a stupid idea, don't worry:

it will go away.

Except for Vixen, who is a punishment from God.