Another Vaguely Ribald Superman Panel

Artist Wanted

I have a project for which I need a comic book style artist that relates to the 1960s Batman television show.

I need someone who can DRAW the various henchman (in their characteristic outfits) who helped out the villains on the show.

If you're interested in helping let me know.

The Bat-Road Not Taken

How different the world might have been...

This is the screen test for Billy Anderson and Berton Gervis (you may know them by other names) for the Batman tv show.

If you go to 4:45 at this clip, you can see how the scene was actually played in the show:

Quite similar, except for Burt's embarrassingly absurd imitation of a train whistle.

But the producers of the show had another choice; they could have chosen the other pair who were tested for the role.  And, oh, what a different world we might be living in if they had.

Here, if you've never seen it, is the Batman screen test for Lyle Waggoner and Some Kid Who Was a Better Stunt Man than Actor.  

In fact, if you compare the two screen tests, you'll notice several things.

(1) Lyle Waggoner, despite his ridiculously full hairdo and puffy period face, was much hotter than I remember.  He actually looks like he could THWACK! you into the next panel with one punch.

Holy beefcake, Batman!

(2).  Both sets of actors take the material seriously.

(3).  The West/Ward test feels much more... substantial.  More cinematic.  More 'big-screen' than 'small-screen'. More...real?


Despite what some people might think, you can't just say "Adam and Burt were playing it for laughs." It's not that simple and it's something that most people don't really appreciate.  

Remember, this is the first episode in the series and there's very little sense of 'knowingly camp' about it.  If you set aside your knowledge of where the series went and watch the West/Ward test again, you'll be hard pressed to find any evidence that they are 'playing it for laughs'. If anything, they are playing seriously, deadly seriously, more seriously than Waggoner/Deyell.

Which is why it wound up being so much funnier.  Which is the genius of West.

Now, we all love Television's Lyle Waggoner. Who cannot love the 'Steve Trevor' of the 1970s Wonder Woman show?  Every time I see him, I expect to see a superimposed cartoon sparkle on his teeth, just like in the intro to Wonder Woman.   Great guy, good actor, funny fellow; perfectly capable of playing it both "straight" and "for laughs".  

But watch him in the clip above.  Yes, he's serious. But the whole issue of Batman's identity being exposed by the Riddler seems like... an annoyance.  "And after all that work I did decorating the cave!  How...tedious!  *eyeroll*  Now where am I going to wear this bat outfit?"  Yes, it's a serious problem for him.  For HIM.

Now watch Adam West.  West doesn't take the scene less seriously; he takes it MORE seriously.  It's breathless, momentous drama. Starman-level drama.  He pauses at times as if he's barely able to bring himself to face the terrible consequences of the situation.  The possible unmasking of Batman isn't merely a problem for him; it's a problem for the WORLD (at least the world of Gotham City).   This is the key to making a comic book world acceptable; it must be larger than life or it simply doesn't work.

Here's another example; it's Adam West appearing as both himself and Batman on some old tv variety show hosted by Milton Berle.  [I don't recommend watching the whole thing; it's got painful goofiness by Martha Ray, Adam West crooning a rather touching love song, and that just might be Olan Soule doing the voiceover on the closing commercial]

In the opening few minutes, West is not only capable of playing it perfectly straight against Berle's antics, he's about 50 times funnier than Berle as a result.    The fifteen seconds in which he straight-facedly describes the Batmobile is one of the most amazing things I've ever seen on television; it is quite literally as if Batman has dropped in from a completely different world. 

Berle was a comic giant, for sure, but no one ever accused him of being a sophisticated comic.  He mugged, went for the obvious punchlines, and wore dresses for laughs.  But Adam West?  There's a sophisticated comedian with a deft touch.

The tables were turned not longer after, when Berle guest-villained on Batman as the flower-themed gangster Louie the Lilac.  What could possible be more ridiculous?  And yet...

Note how seriously Berle takes his role.  Despite groovy-talking hippies and giant man-eating plants, Berle is completely committed to portraying Louie the Lilac as a serious and threatening gangster. There's not a hint of winking irony on Berle's part; following suit in the game he was joining, Berle played it just as straight as West did.  In fact, he's kind of scary in his earnestness. 

West's genius is such that it still refreshes and surprises, even fifty years later.  The other day (doing research) I watched an episode where someone compliments Robin on being well read.  Robin says, essentially, that one of the nice things about working with Batman is that he helps him learn about literature and such between bouts of fighting criminals.  To which, Batman says, "But enough discussion of prose and cons; let's go, Robin!"

I'm sure I must have seen him say that about 30, maybe 50 times in my life, without batting an eye.  Finally.... I got the joke.  And laughed my fool head off.  So serious was West's delivery that it had never occurred to me to look for an underlying joke; and it was so much more delightful when I finally found one.

Lyle Waggoner would have been a great Batman.  But I'm glad they chose Adam West, because Adam West made Batman great.

Another Vaguely Ribald Superman Family Panel

Okay, I don't think I see to any more of the depths of Supergirl's cavern

POWER PAC!@

I know I talk too much about Heroclix for those of my readers who don’t play, but, gosh darn it, some huge positive changes have been made to how the game is played that I just can’t keep quiet about!

Some powers that were a bit too powerful have gotten reined in.

Outwit/Perplex/Probability Control  are the “distance” supportive powers that let you affect other figures’ combat without being directly involved yourself.  Outwit cancels another figure’s power, Perplex can alter another figure’s combat values, and Probability Control can make a figure reroll a combat roll.  They are very powerful, particularly since they are ‘free’ (you can do them during your turn and still move or attack).  The range for using the power has always been untethered to the regular “shooting range” of the figure; it has always been 10 squares.  Since the average shooting range is about 6, this made them TOO powerful.  But now the range of these powers is limited by the figure’s shooting range (for a minimum of 6 on figures with shorter ranges).  Now all the many characters will O/P/PC can’t just hide away from danger, having a huge impact on the game without being anywhere near the action. 

Leap/Climb (L/C) & Hypersonic Speed (HSS) are powers held by gymnasticky types (Bat-family characters often have leap/climb) and speedsters (the Flash family have Hypersonic Speed).  The powers do various things, but one thing they did was provide automatic “breakaway”.   ‘Breakaway’ is the rule that a character next to an opponent needs to make a die roll of 4/5/6 in order to move away; if they fail to breakaway, well, then they are stuck there and just wasted a turn.  Breakaway helps keep figures that can attack from a distance (by batarang, gun, or zappy powers) from overwhelming characters that have to punch you in the face in person.  But since there are a lot of characters with either L/C or HSS, breakaway’s relevance had faded and there just wasn’t any hope of pinning down a figure with either of those powers.  But NOW that’s been changed; rather than providing automatic breakaway, those powers just add +2 to the figure’s breakaway roll.  Sure it’s still likely that the character will escape (5 times out of 6), but it is now possible for such figures to fail to breakaway. In other words, occasionally, Blockbuster’s gonna grab Batman’s cape.

Some powers that had grown nearly useless have gotten boosted back into relevance.

Plasticity represents abilities or powers of characters who are hard to get away from and conversely can elude you easily.  Characters like the elastic Elastic Man, Plastic Man, and Mr. Fantastic, particulate characters like Marvel’s Sandman and Hydroman, the ductile Metal Men, Element Man, and Element Woman, and shape-changing characters like the Martian Manhunter, Beast Boy, and Chameleon Boy.  Plasticity’s effect  has been improved (explained above) by removing ‘automatic breakaway’ from figures with L/C and HSS.  Those powers (and flight) also used to let figures zwoosh past an opponent without stopping (ordinarily a figure has to stop when entering a square adjacent to an opposing figure); but no more!  That still works but NOT on opposing figures with Plasticity, who are now like big sticky gumdrops of comic book violence.  This means Plasticity figs become a great way of controlling who can go where on the board, which is big strategic advantage.

Big Winners here: Beast Boy, Rag Doll, Bruce Wayne, Godiva, the Black flock of bats, Swamp Thing, GL Hal Jordan.

Force Blast is for characters who have a way to push you away without touching you.  Like Red Tornado, or Superman’s superbreath, or Blue Beetle’s BB gun.  Before, the opportunities to use it were kind of limited but NOW, a figure can use Force Blast (which pushes an opponent back a few squares) any time they successfully attack them.  This is great because you can use it to smack people into walls, off the edge of buildings, or into the arms of some big bruiser. 

Big Winners here include: Blue Beetle, Red Tornado, Superman, Ocean Master, the NML Batgirl.

Energy Explosion is for bomb throwers and blasty types; it lets you hit one main target but also do some damage to any adjacent figures.  Used to be that you couldn’t use EE with other powers and when you did use it reduced damage to the main target to 1; very wussy.  But NOW the damage to the main target isn’t reduced PLUS you can use it with other powers (like Running Shot).

Big Winners here include: Fire, Starfire, Rocket Red, Black Lightning, Green Arrow, Live Wire, Wildfire, Lightning Lad, the Haunted Tank.

Some powers have been adjusted to have more flexible use.

Incapacitate (a.k.a. ‘incap’). This for characters that can impede or halt other characters without necessarily doing them damage.  In the game this means adding an action token to an opposing figure (figs with one token get a penalty for acting and those with two cannot act at all).  But Incap was USELESS against any figure with two action tokens (because that’s the maximum).  Now, however, if you use Incap on an opponent with two tokens already, it takes a click of penetrating damage (that’s damage that can’t be reduced in any way).  This makes Incap figures hugely more useful.

Big Winners here include: Robin, Nightwing, Scarecrow, Black Canary, Mr. Freeze, Blue Beetle.

Smoke Cloud.  This is the ability to create areas the temporarily impede movement and visibility.  The number of spaces you can affect with it has gone from 4 to 6, and anyone in one of those spaces now gets -1 to his attack.  This makes Smoke Cloud a much more offensive power. 

Big Winners include: the Batfamily, the Question, Sargon the Sorcerer, the Scarecrow.

Close/Ranged Combat Expert.  This used to add +2 to the damage your figure could do to a particularly type of attack.  But now you can distribute that +2 over both your damage and attack values, making these powers MUCH more flexible.

Big Winners include: Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, the Batfamily, Aquaman, the Superman family.

There are some characters that benefit from several of these changes, making them over into nearly figures, game wise.  BIG WINNERS OVERALL INCLUDE: SCARECROW, BLUE BEETLE, BLACK LIGHTNING, GREEN ARROW.

And all this is to say NOTHING of the four new PINK powers (Sidestep, Precision Attack, Invincible, and Empower). It’s a great time to be a Heroclix player; consider it!

Things That Made Me Happy...

...in my comics this week.

Well, it’s about time somebody called Chase on her crap. Not that it helped.

Watching that ridiculously hubristic Towel of Babel, Weber’s World, crumble like a giant popcorn ball.

I really like Kate’s step-mother, even though I don’t even know her name.

Uh-oh; Validus wakes up CRANKY.

OOoo, Bruce saw Clark and Diana kissing in the parking lot after school, I’m tellin’!

At first I thought Cisco’s brother was just going to be an annoying culo.  But now I see he’s going to be a very necessary annoying culo.

The Sons of Adam; heh, nice touch.

Kid Flash gets his mainline cut.  Those 2.27 milliseconds must have seemed very long, indeed.

ZEKE! That’s hilarious.

Wait, shouldn’t the Justice League at least have some sort of administrative assistant?  Where’s Snapper Carr when you need him?  Oh god, I can’t believe I just said that… 

Quietly bad-ass Element Lad working hand-in-glove with sympathetic Brainiac 5.  What the heck is the world coming to…?!

I have to confess, I secretly like portrayals of Wonder Woman and Superman where they are willing to say, “Screw the rules, I’m fixing this now.” Because that is very much how they were when they started, particularly Superman.

So, barely two of the Fatal Five are in action, the U.P. is already falling apart, two more are coming into play and we haven’t even SEEN the fifth one.  I cannot WAIT until the Fatal Five get the ‘team base’ treatment in Heroclix.

I also kind of like the idea that maybe everyone just thinks that Firestorm is a crazy person.

Poseidon made me laugh: “Um, yeah, maybe myths actually moved forward a little during the 7000 years you were buried in the earth.”

Well. THAT should knock Mon-El down a peg or two, shouldn’t it?  Never thought I’d see the day. 

Today I said, “Way to go, Gypsy!” out loud.  What the heck is the world coming to…?!

The Atom versus the Myth of the Geek Girl.  Who won?

Vibe; oh, yeah, crack my planet wide open, papi!

Catwoman in a straightjacket, bwahahahaha!  I’ve been waiting for her comeuppance for some time.

Bette’s backbone!

Dang, Orion. Now even I want to go out with Wonder Woman. Or you.  Or both of you. Or even just watch.

I have always lived in terror of the Emerald Eye of Ekron.  This week didn’t help.

Haikuesday: Animal Cruelty

It don't get no more wholesome than Batman defending helpless animals against being teased by the Joker. UNLESS it's Batman defending helpless animals against being teased by the Joker IN HAIKU.

From now on, Joker,

don't tease the animals, and

that includes Batman.

What haiku can you PETAphiles compose to applaud Batman for his pro-animal stand or condemn the Joker for making little dogs wear silly outfits...?

Superman Explains "Injustice: Gods Among Us"

Zowie!

As I mentioned in February...

Wizkids has announced that they will be making a Heroclix set of the 1960s live action Batman television show.  

  

My fear for the set, however, is that the villain's cannon fodder--the goons and molls--will get short shrift.  Sure, our attention and memories focus on the colorful principals, but we mustn't forget the essential ingredient of criminal tofu provided by the villain's gangmembers.  Without them, there would have been no POW!-laden bat-fights, no betrayals by "traitorous wenches", no kidnapped jurors, millionaires, or beauty contestants.

Besides... who says they were colorless?  Sure, they paled a bit in comparison to the lurid technicolor portrayals by the principal actors, but they have flavor and interest all their own.

Surely you remember....

The mimic Cornell, played by swoon-worthy Paul Mantee (to whom Adam West himself played second fiddle in the classic film Robinson Crusoe on Mars?).

Wow, Paul. Nice...pants.

Creepy Sid Haig as King Tut's Royal Apothecary.

If anyone would make zombie bugs, it would be Sid Haig.

The uniquely disturbed voice of foolish art-mad heiress Baby Jane Towser.

Even the Joker is mortified by Baby Jane's paint-peeling vowel sounds.

The inimitable Harvey Lembeck as Eagle-Eye?

Give 'im da finger!

Naive cheerleader Suzie from Woodrow Roosevelt High?

"Poor... DELUDED creature."

Lawrence Montaigne as the robotic, inaptly named Mr. Glee?

Those do NOT look like people named "Joker" and "Mr. Glee".

Lesley Gore as the lyrical Pussycat?

Nope; too easy to make a Leslie Gore / "Pussycat" joke.   Besides, we love Leslie Gore.

I'm sure none of these folks, or their less interesting colleagues, will be represented in the announced Heroclix set.  I can't do them all justice, but I can help a little by creating generic tokens to represent the molls and goons of the show.

The Moll is identical to the Amadeus Cho token in the Marvel "Mutans & Monsters" set (muB005, to be precise).  A perfectly vulnerable "ordinary person" dial except a special power, which allows you to give her a power action to use Outwit.

This might seem like overkill; a Moll with the powerful Outwit ability (the ability to 'shut off' one of the powers on an opposing figure's dial)?  But in the show, molls weren't just eye-candy; often they used to stymie the Dynamic Duo somehow.  They passed themselves off as innocent citizens, or provided a distraction, or served as hostages, or bopped you over the head with a vase when you weren't looking.  They aren't the major players in the battle, but they are often the pawns used to frustrate an attack.  As such, having to give them a power action to use Outwit (which is usually a free action) is a fairly good representation of that role.

Points for you if you can recognize which moll this is!

For the goons, I looked outside of the box a bit and based them on the Orc token from the Lord of Rings version of Heroclix.   

Ugh.  These guys are nowhere near as cute as Paul Mantee.

But then again... who is?

These guys are a bargain.  For just ten points, they have Flurry (the ability to make two attacks on an adjacent figure in one turn, rather than just one attack) and Combat Reflexes (an extra two points of Defense against attacks from adjacent opponents).  But the real kicker is their special "Swarm" power ("When stacked give Orcs a power action and as a free action you may unstack any number of Orcs tokens and move each up to (S) squares.")

Um...okay; maybe this guy is.  

In fact, if I had to choose between this guy and prime Paul Mantee...

 I wouldn't.

Translating from the rules jargon, that allows you to stack up to 8 of them on one square, move them as if they are one character, and then, when you're ready to use them to attack, they can all fan out and move up to surround an opponent (although, of course, they can only attack one at time).  Which, come to think of it, is almost exactly how the goons in the show used to behave. 

  

Rocky Grimes Week #7: Stone Cold

When last we left Bullwinkle and Rocky, er, I mean, Batman and Robin, Grimes had put them each into a stone-themed traps.

Robin has focus issues.

 

  

There are many ways one can imagine the modern day Batman escaping such a predicament (breaking the chair not least among them).  But this is the Golden Age Batman, where everything is about THEME and IRONY.  If you get put into a theme-trap, you darned well better use a theme-escape or you'll be laughed out of the Club of Heroes. "Hey, Batman," Hourman would shout across the dining room, "how'dja get out of that trap last week?  Oh, wait, don't tell me; sonic screwdriver, emmairight?  Just like the last four times. Haw haw!"  Hourman was always a jerk. Which is why Batman invented Miraclodisulfiram.  But that's another story.

Anyway, Batman cleverly uses a grindSTONE to escape his bonds and then goes to rescue Robin, where, rather than just jump in the water and cut him loose, he lets Robin drown for a while, while he comes up with some ridiculous rock-and-pulley system to haul him out of the water.  That way he's using a STONE to rescue Robin from the STONE trap, because THEME and IRONY.

Then they haul ass to the petrified forest out west where Parks (a nicely fitting name) is about to get beaten to death by a petrified log, courtesy of Rocky Grimes, who is DESPERATE that you should get the joke.

Rocky, take a tip from the Joker; if you have to explain the joke, just don't.

"Ugh, of course, he's running. *eyeroll*  Now I'll never make it home in time to listen to 'Chess Hour' on the radio.  God, I hate crooks."

 
Rocky flees, and Batman engages him on stone bridge over a yawning cavern; one wonders where this is headed. Hint: things aren't looking up for Rocky.

Sigh. Rocky, real villains do not say,
"Okay, pal, I'm gonna beat your face in for you."

I think I give up on you, you're never going to go very far. 
At least, not UP.

Rocky appears on the verge of triumph (don't they always?) until Mother Nature, who in the Golden Age had little patience for those with false pretentions to villainy, decides to indulge in some playful irony of her own:

Hailstones.



Hailstones lead to headstone.  A thematic, ironical death for a thematic, ironical life.  Requiescat sub saxo, Rocky Grimes!

As Rocky Grimes Week draws to a close, let's review what we've learned from it all:

• There's not really any theme or irony to your life; you're just imposing that on it in a vain search for meaning.
• Commission Gordon is fat sissy stalker who knows everything about you.
• Christopher Lowell was right: uplighting is the key to atmosphere.
• Do not shout your own full name out loud while committing murder on a public street.
• Revenge is a dish best not served at all.
• One man with a machine gun could kill everyone at Gotham City Police Headquarters.
• It takes a week or so to write about a Golden Age story, because that's how long it takes to read them.
• Real villains can talk as grandly as they plan.
• If someone in your gang threatens to squeal on you all, just shoot him; that's what the Penguin would do.
• There will never by a League of Ironically Themed Villains because they all die at the end of their stories.
  

Rocky Grimes Week #6: Robin Rides a Rainbow

So, at the fabulous House of Jewels exhibit, Rocky Grimes prepares to use a bloodstone bullet to assassinate former gangmate Brenner, the gemcutter, who’s on stage preparing to cleave the 700 carat Onker diamond.  

It’s all so...DRAMATIC.

 But, before any shots can be fired, Robin rides the rainbow right into Rocky’s face.

First the silk, now the rainbow. Are you trying to tell us something, Robin?

But Rocky is never at a loss for a witty, villainous rejoinder!  I hope.

“I”ll bust your head for you, brat?”  Sigh.  

Oh, Rocky, you PLOT like a villain, but you smack-talk like a YUTZ.  Readers don’t care whether your elaborate, thematic schemes fail (or would be kind of stupid and unproductive even if they did succeed), just as long as you use death-traps and pseudo-high-brow villainous bloviation.  I mean, that’s the whole lesson of every Victor Von Doom story, isn’t it?

Meanwhile, let’s observe the real reason the Gotham City Police Department needs Batman:

“KILL THEM, CLANCY! JUST KILL 'EM ALL AND LET THE MORGUE DEAL WITH IT!”

Among cynical modern readers, there’s a long tradition of criticizing the Gotham City police for being ineffective and needing Batman’s help to stop jaywalkers and double-parkers.  The truth is, the Gotham City police would be WAY more effective without Batman, because they SHOOT FIRST AND DON’T EVEN BOTHER TO ASK QUESTIONS LATER. These guys are armed and authorized to kill in a town where every corner hides a poisonous jack-in-the-box, exploding puzzle piece, or buzzsaw umbrella.  So they INVENTED zero tolerance, baby.  Their first, and fairly natural, reaction is to mow down anything not in uniform, as follows:

1. shoot it, 
2. shoot it dead, then 
3. shoot anyone who SAW you shoot it dead.  

Batman’s not helping the police stop crime; he’s keeping them from killing anyone within a 50 foot radius of crime.    Honestly, once you get that, Batman’s entire history with the GCPD and the city falls nicely into place.

So Batman tackles Rocky mano a mano.

Okay, there is NO WAY this fight is ending without that Taj Mahal shoved up someone’s ass or impaled through their sternum.

Rocky counters by dropping a fruitbowl of gems on Batman's head. Yes, a fruitbowl of gems. Welcome to Richville, kids.

Fruit bowls full of giant, novelty-shaped gems.  Except for all the murder, Gotham City is the best city to live in the entire history of the world.  Sure, at any moment, you might get killed by a psychotic villain wielding a giant man-eating clam.  But, by the same token, at any moment, some of Gotham’s absurd superfluence of wealth might just fall at your feet for the taking.

WHEEEE!!!!!!!! 

It must be SO much fun to live in Gotham City.  What can a regular citizen do with an apple-sized ruby, you ask? FENCE IT.  You can fence anything in Gotham City, remember. 

See?  Gotham’s a high-risk, high pay-off proposition.  And you have to love the typical GCPD response:

“FORGET THE ASSASSIN!  START SHOOTING ALL THESE GREEDY CITIZENS AND POCKET THOSE GEMS FOR THE BENEVOLENCE FUND!”

Meanwhile, Rocky, pursued by the Dynamic Duo, makes it to his rock-quarry hideout, because in Gotham there are always rock quarries close to fabulous jewel exhibits.  Also, empty warehouses, spooky old mansions, and abandoned amusement parks. Gotham City is the anti-Central City; in Gotham City everything is close to everything else.

At the quarry, B&R do Rocky the enormous favor of throwing themselves head-first at top speed in a big slab of stone, which is both thematic and convenient.  

"What th--  he blocked the door?! How... rude!  
*eyeroll into unconsciousness*  

WIth truly supervillainous improvisation, Rocky returns the favor by cobbling together not one but two highly escapable stone-based death-traps.  

Now, to the eyes of a modern Batman reader, there are about 37 ways Batman and Robin, who are still wearing their utility belts, can get out of these traps.  But ... that’s just NOT how the Golden Age works, people. Those are NOT the rules.  As you will see tomorrow.

Rocky Grimes Week #5: Blood from a stone

Batman's on Rocky's trail.  Following Robin's plan, he's going to search the 'card files' at Police HQ to determine what criminal past the victims--and the murderer--have in common.

It's a pre-internet, pre-computer thing.  Detective work used to be really hard.  Nowadays you just shine a black light at stuff and let the DNA-decoder do the rest.

But...Batman's move has been anticipated!

 NOTHING escapes Batman's notice.

BWAAHAHAHAHA!

Police HQ: Least Safe Place in Gotham City.  No wonder there's a Bat-signal on the roof.

Damn. Rocky's got (if you'll pardon the expression) STONES. He walked into Police HQ with a machine gun and burned up the little files cards onto which Gordon makes Bonnie write down invasive trivia on everyone who's ever jaywalked (and ever civil servant, but that's another story).

Then Batman, I kid you not, spends, like, 97 panels on Mr. Wizarding the cards back into readability.   While YELLING ABOUT IT.  

I think the yelling is just SO GORDON CAN HEAR. 

Or to keep Robin, who needs to prop up his head to keep from nodding off, awake. 

"KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN! YOU'RE GOING TO LEARN SOMETHING!"

Now we wait and allow the red spray to p'rmeate the chrdzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZ.

No, really, there's a page and half of this.  Somehow it puts the rise of Stan Lee into context, because as annoying as he was (is), he didn't put you to sleep.

Anyway, several science courses later, they figure out that all the victims were part of the Rocky Grimes gang and that he's out for revenge.  

A diamond cutter?  A concession stand in a petrified forest? What are the odds?!

Golden Age Jim Gordon may be a fat old sissy, but he is a THOROUGH and RELENTLESS fat old sissy.  Once you've gotten your first parking ticket he will keep tabs on every detail of your life for as long as you frickin' live.  Nowadays, we'd just use Facebook, where we'd know not only when you started working that concession stand in the petrified forest, but what that paella you ate late night looked like sitting on the plate in front of you.

Meanwhile, Rocky, thinking himself safe, takes the next logical step in his scheme, and has a bullet made out of heliotrope.  Yes, really.  Revenge is a very involved hobby.

His plan is to show up at the "House of Jewels Exhibit" and shoot Brenner the diamond-cutter.  On stage, while Brenner is cutting a famous diamond in front of a huge audience (because watching people cut diamonds is a thing in Gotham).  Rather than, oh, waiting until gets home.  Well, it is a very Gotham-y setting, making it clear that Gotham SWEATS WEALTH, which is why it's so full of crime.  Heck, it's a wonder ordinary citizens don't all turn to crime, given that bushels of jewels spill out onto every corner.  We'll see how Rocky's plan works out....

Chile! La alegria ya viene!