Octopus Week #2: Octo-Improv Comedy

Al 'Slippery' Michaels' decision to heed the omens and re-style himself as the 8-themed villain 'The Octopus' is an ingenious move, one that will surely inspire excitement and loyalty in his men.

 You can tell criminals don't go to a lot of costume balls.  I mean, who wears purple hose, a tee shirt with an octopus transfer, and a tentacle hat to a costume ball?  Lady Gaga? 

Or perhaps just derision.  Note the guy on the right of panel, who's about two seconds away from bolting toward the door: "Jeez, If I wanted to deal with this kind of crap I woulda stayed in Gotham!"

Okay, so the boss wants to dress funny around the house.  No harm in that, particularly when we fight a guy dressed like Robin Hood.  I mean, it's not like he's really going to overboard with the--

 

HOLY CRAP THERE'S A GIANT OCTOPUS IN OUR LIVING ROOM AAAAAAAAAAAAHH!

I've made fun of how obviously low-rent Al Michaels is, but I must confess I'm starting to be impressed.  Just a few days out of prison and he's already:

(1) experienced a transformative enlightenment into thematic supervillainy;

(2) had his mom sew up one of the most, um, memorable costumes in comic book history;

(3)  installed an enormous salt water aquarium sunken into his living room floor (which is NOT easy, let me tell you); and

(4) purchased a giant octopus.

Do you know what it costs to buy a live giant octopus?  Do you know how hard they are to find and have delivered?  I spent the better part of yesterday trying to figure that out, and neither Google Shopping or eBay could help.  And Michaels is pre-internet.  Really, it's quite impressive.

Well, so, the boss has gone a little... eccentric.  I mean, it's not like he's really going to let that influence his criminal decision making.

Um. Um. Um.  What?

Okay, yeah, that's what I thought you said.  

Michaels, I mean, "The Octopus" has gone fully around the bend and is running his gang by celaphodic divination like some sort of criminal improv show. "Hello, everyone! I'm your host Al 'Slippery' Michaels, and welcome to WHO'S CRIME IS IT, ANYWAY? ! Let's take a look at the octo-alphabet board, shall we...?"  Cluemaster must be SO jealous right now.

 So, how does this M.O. work in practice?

"Hey, boss; Harvey Dent just tweeted about you.  

He says 'michaels wtf you sicko get therapy now not l8ter ha ha #arkhamwannabes'.  

You want I should write him back...?"

What's the difference, indeed?  I think the most charming thing about the Octo-Alphabet Board Game is its arbitrary nature. Unless Michaels really is the greatest criminal improv genius of all time, you know damned well he's already got the Ice Show gig pre-planned.  Like a good gameshow host ready to segue from any contestant small talk into the next round, Michaels has probably already figured out a way to interpret any letter chosen as representing the crime he wants to pull.  "X? Of course! There is an... Xcellent ice show at the arena tonight! Thank you, Octavus!"  "Boss, there's actually a xylophone concert tonight at the--" "I said THANK YOU OCTAVUS; now let's go!"

Try not to think about the fact that the naive assumption underlying the Octo-Alphabet Board Game is that Octavus will ONLY TOUCH ONE LETTER.  Octavus has eight tentacles; that is, after all, the very point of having him.  I'd love to see Michaels' face if Octavus went full-bore at the board with each tentacle.  "AFGHRSTU?  Uh... there's a ... an Afghan restaurant on U Street that---oh, fudge it, we're robbing the damned Ice Show, okay?!?!"