Oh.- My- GOD, Becky! I can't believe that when I was younger, like last week, I used to think that Batman was SO COOL.
Until I saw THIS panel where the Golden Age Batman is indulging in some traditional sweet sweet octopus love. Although it may actually be rough sweet octopus love, judging from the knife; Batman is not a gentle lover. In fact, in other panels he cuts off two of the 'pus's tentacles, and then stabs it in the eye. Octopus parents, know who your children are dating!
Anyway, I was pretty impressed to notice that Batman was talking under water. Out loud. To no one. The Golden Batman can do things like that, you know. People think the Platinum Age Batman with his omni-competence and ultra-preparedness is such a badass. The Golden Age Batman laughs a hearty Golden Age laugh ("Ha! Ha HA!") at the Platinum Age Batman because preparation is for wusses. The Golden Age Batman was never prepared for anything and he DIDN'T CARE. He would just go ahead and jump into any crazy situation and make it all up on the fly. Golden Age Batman was all, "I'll just make a telegraph out of some pennies in salt water!"; "This coat hanger will make a fine boomerang!", and "I can use this yeast and a candle to force open the door!" Who needs a utility belt when the entire world is your armory?
So imagine how excited I was to see Golden Age Macgyver-maniacal, underwater-talking Batman, while on vacation in Florida, hurl himself at an octopus armed with only a piece of scrap metal, obviously about to blurble out some brilliant, spunky haiku, when---
FAIL!
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Oh-oh! This baby
likes me so much he wants to
hug me to death ___ !
Batman missed a syllable. And he used to be my hero.
Starman would not have screwed that up, Golden Age Batman; you totally suck.
What haiku can YOU compose about Golden Age Batman's sweet sweet octopus love haiku fail?
The hyphen in the first line is Golden Age Batman inhaling deeply prior to a second moan of ecstasy. Kind of breaking the rules as to what constitutes a syllable, but I say it works.
ReplyDeleteLOL, a clever -- and generous -- re-intepretation.
ReplyDeleteNaturally, I was reading it as "uh-oh!", as in "Uh-oh, Chongo!"
If you read it as a breathy "Oh! Oh!' while Batman gives his "O-face", it's suddenly hilarious.
But you must realize that your re-interpretation STILL doesn't save Batman's haiku. It just create six syllables in the first line; you can't cut off "baby" in the middle.
ReplyDeleteNo, I can't cut "baby" in half, but Golden Age Batman can.
ReplyDeleteBut one of the night-
ReplyDeletemare creature's arms snakes lightly
about the Batman!
The narration is
a haiku too. The hyphen
breaks "nightmare" in half.
So...haikus aside, what you're saying is that Golden Age Batman was more or less Hal Jordan?
ReplyDeleteScipio...you surprise me!
Tentacles entwine
ReplyDeleteSurrounding me with rapture
Spill your ink on me.
Too racy?
Sally, I believe it would be more accurate to say that part of Hal's charm in our modern era is that he acts with the cheery confidence and bravado characteristic of a Golden Age hero.
ReplyDeleteI cede your point.
ReplyDeleteNice post which this panel where the Golden Age Batman is indulging in some traditional sweet sweet octopus love. Although it may actually be rough sweet octopus love, judging from the knife; Batman is not a gentle lover. In fact, in other panels he cuts off two of the 'pus's tentacles, and then stabs it in the eye. Thanks a lot for posting this article.
ReplyDelete