The Foes of the Shield

Sadly, the Shield doesn't have much in the way of named villains or supercriminals. He mostly fights nameless evil spies from two fictionations, Stokia and Nordica. Oh, look, here he is ethnic-profiling two Stokian spies ...

"Good gravy, the O'Dares are hijacking the plane!"

Hmm. Two tough looking, nearly identical guys with receding hairlines, in intimate but animated, handwaving conversation, wearing brightly colored outfits, while traveling together on an airplane in adjoining seats. See, I would just assume they were gay, not Stokian, proving the Shield is cleverer than I. Unless, of course, these are gay Stokians, or perhaps Stokia is a gay country entirely. You know: "I'll Stokia, if you'll Stoki-me, too."

The Stokians have a real way with words, and are experts in the Bee Ay Bay code:

Nice outfit, sister Stokey; International Male convinced you that would work, huh?

As I say, the Stokians have a way with words, but it doesn't always make for the best Smack Talk (for most Stokians that means saying, "I'm going to give you SUCH a slap!"). After all, I'm hooked on the hi-octane villain talk comics are known for. I'm used to villains who say things like:

• "I can still dispose of you directly, using the funneled psychic energy of fourteen adolescent brains!" or
• "You are helpless! You are pinioned by a thought wall!" or even
• "I am the Princess Maru. My genius will destroy America!"

Compare to those espresso shots of villainspeak, this is pretty weak tea:

"Oh, and Lincoln's dead, too! So there!"

Worst part is, this sort of taunting just lowers the level of intellectual discourse between hero and villains, diluting the force of their use as metaphors for conflicting concepts of societal self-organization.

See? I told ya.

Neither are villains impressive when they gather like grade-schoolers in their Garanimals and play at having "big adventures".

"Then we'll make a snow fort and throw snowballs at passing girls!"

Still, he does have one really cool set of enemies...
the U.N. Peacekeeping Forces.