Okay, usually, I confine things to pure the comic booky, but sometimes questions and observations build up inside me that, Jean Loring-like, threaten to burst forth and crush the planet in an orgy of destruction.
Many of these are, in fact, comic book related, but some are not, so please excuse them. And, who knows? There may be an as of yet undiscovered comic book connection waiting for you to share.
Superman: Wait, so ... Is Chris gonna stay around and be the new Superb--, I mean, er, "Skyboy"?
Jean Loring: Since it's pretty much known she'll no longer be Eclipso, what should she be like after that happens? Gibbering, flame-throwing lunatic, or re-sanityized, repentant lady of intelligence?
Gilligan's Island: So, the reason Gilligan and Skipper made beds for everyone else but bunk hammocks for themselves would be...? Maybe Skipper actually likes Gilligan to fall on top of him regularly?
Vibe: C'mon; am I the only person who actually has known guys like Vibe? I mean, without the powers, of course.
The Brady Bunch: If Alice the Anachronistically Live-In Maid does the cooking and cleaning, just what the heck does Carole do with her day?
Flash: Which one of those Rogues should get an Orange Lantern ring?
Degrassi TNG: In the final analysis, everything is Terri's fault, and the only person who will survive the ramifications unscathed is Heather Sinclair. And, of course, Spinner.
Green Lantern: Does the prophecy of the Rainbow Corps and the Black Lantern Corps spoil the idea of the next Crisis being a re-boot? I'm confused... .
Wonder Woman: I really want the Olympian to be a permanent addition to the Wonder Woman dynasty, as her "Male Counterpart"; who's with me on this?
Crisis: If DC reboots to right after the original Crisis, what's the one story you'd be most sorry to have disappear from continuity?
Green Lantern: No. The Black Lantern issues will come out at the same time as Final Crisis, even though chronologically they take place just beforehand. Final Crisis will, of course, be full of scenes that will spoil the events and ending of Black Lantern.
ReplyDeleteJean Loring: Re-sanitized and repentant until Ray rejects her in favour of a true lady of intelligence, Enrichetta Negrini.
ReplyDeleteThen, of course, out comes the flamethrower.
I think the Black Lantern issues are supposed to happen in 2009, AFTER Final Crisis.
ReplyDeleteI really hope they don't go full-reboot. Maybe a reshuffling of the cards ala Infinite Crisis, but not a full fledged reboot.
I like that idea, Derek.
ReplyDeleteI've always loved Enrichetta. So should Ray.
yeah, I thought about that with respect to the Black Lanterns, too. It was the first thing I'd seen that said "in 2009 there will be a DCU that shares continuity with the current one." (Final Crisis wraps in December 2008.)
ReplyDeleteI get the increasing feeling that Final Crisis is going to be a New Gods/ Kirbyverse story (hence Anthro and Kamandi) and not a fundamental reshaping of the mainline DCU.
superman: if chris became skyboy, wouldn't that just make him a starman legacy character since the original star-spangled kid became skyman?
ReplyDeletejean loring: she should totally get a red or orange lantern ring. i can't decide which.
gilligan's island: there was so much untold sexual tension between the skipper and gilligan, even jean loring couldn't decide which one to flambe to get the other's attention.
vibe: unfortunately, i grew up with so many guys like vibe that it was, well, unfortunate.
the brady bunch: carole was probably busy watching her stories. she can't cook for her children, but she can tell you what's been going on with the quatermaine's on general hospital.
flash: magenta is screaming for an orange lantern ring.
degrassi tng: i've never actually seen an episode of tng because i've been busy rewatching degrassi junior high and high. there's something aboot seeing spike's kid as a teen that's a little disturbing to me, not to mention spike marrying snake. that's just ... weird.
wonder woman: the olympian should totally be part of the wonder dynasty. he's certainly a better choice than hercules.
Jean Loring: Can't she be both? This is Jean we're talking about after all. It's not like she was ever completely there to begin with.
ReplyDeleteGilligan's Island: Sigh, Scipio.... As an unrepentant Aquaman fan, you of all people should know that hammocks are the only place where absurd sailor stereotypes are capable of resting. As the coffin is to the vampire; as the hyperbaric Oxygen chamber is to mid-80s Michael Jackson; as the sacred pit of warm virgin blood is to Susan Lucci, so to is the hammock to the cliched man of the sea.
Vibe: Sadly, no.
The Brady Bunch: Looking FABULOUS, of course! I mean, duh!
Degrassi TNG: Again, duh....
Wonder Woman: At this point I'm such a slave to Gail Simone, I'm willing to accept her adding any piece of shirtless Mediterranean beefcake she wants into the Wonderverse.
Crisis: I'll miss Identity Crisis. That's right! I said it! And I almost mean it too!
If it were up to me, Jean would simply pretend to be repentant, only to turn around and open up a law firm whose sole purpose is to provide her fellow super-villains with the "get out of jail free cards" necessary to continue pestering those nasty super-heroes.
ReplyDeleteThis way she'd finally assume her rightful position as a super-villain mastermind akin to Lex Luthor.
Naturally, she'd always carry a miniature flame-thrower in her briefcase, in the event a case doesn't go as planned.
I've wanted DC to do something cool with the Olympian for decades now.
ReplyDeleteYou are the only person who would admit they'd known anyone like Vibe.
ReplyDeleteGILLIGAN'S ISLAND -- Simple, and not at all sexual. Beds on sea vessels are often hammocks, hanging rather than fixed. It's a visual clue to their identity. All the characters in the show have similar visual clues in their quarters (Howells look rich, girls look girly, professor's looks like a lab).
ReplyDeleteJEAN LORING -- re-sanitized. The guilt should provide interesting drama, if DC ever decides Ray Palmer's anything more than a maguffin.
BRADY BUNCH -- Carole's hands were full keeping those step-kids from screwing all over the house.
CRISIS -- Johns's reworking/fixing of Hawkman. By far the coolest version ever. But he would be even cooler still if a reboot eliminated any link to Hawkworld, Hawkgod, etc.
Few things, I agree with Jacob T. Levy. I think Final Crisis will be largely Jack Kirby centric.
ReplyDeleteDo yall remember that last Jeph Loeb Batman/Superman arc where Mr Mxysptlk mentions to Darkseid, "out of the Fourth World and into the Fifth Daddio." Didio was just talking about that same deal in an interview on Newsarama.
Furthermore do yall remember what Rip Hunter said at the end of 52? The part about how the 52 worlds were the start of something called the Megaverse. The 52 has been here-to referred to as the Multiverse. Just saying, I really don't think a large scale reboot is coming. It will be an excuse to jetison some of the bad Post COIE conitinuity... (Like Hal Jordan being a lush, really doesn't match a guy with extreme willpower does it?)
Jean Loring: Still nuts, and I could see her with a red AND an orange ring. Who says you can only have one, especially when you're crazy to begin with?
ReplyDeleteFlash: I've got to think it's going to be the Mirror Master who gets a ring. The orange will match his outfit, and who better to manipulate the entire spectrum of light in upcoming Lantern wars?
ReplyDelete"It will be an excuse to jetison some of the bad Post COIE conitinuity... (Like Hal Jordan being a lush, really doesn't match a guy with extreme willpower does it?)"
ReplyDelete"Infinite Crisis" took care of this particular one -- it never happened. But Hal wasn't a "lush" in any event: he got drunk (like any meathead does from time to time) and caused a car accident (like most meatheads are lucky enough not to experience).
Spinner rules.
ReplyDeleteJean Loring: Since it's pretty much known she'll no longer be Eclipso, what should she be like after that happens? Gibbering, flame-throwing lunatic, or re-sanityized, repentant lady of intelligence?
ReplyDeleteSince Eclipso has been retconned into the "dying" New Gods, maybe she can just die. Preferrably in a kinky threesome with Dr. Light and The Joker, none of whom survive. Of course, they'd all just come back as Black Lanterns in 2009 anyway.
Flash: Which one of those Rogues should get an Orange Lantern ring?
I'm with Tom the Bomb on this one. Mirror Master would be incredible with a light-based power, and he's pretty creepy to start with. Of course, the ultra-id new Trickster might match the color well, too.
Green Lantern: Does the prophecy of the Rainbow Corps and the Black Lantern Corps spoil the idea of the next Crisis being a re-boot? I'm confused...
I dunno, but my theory on blackest night (probably shared by a lot of folks) is the various Corps have to merge to defeat the Black Lanterns, making the Life Corp verses the Death Corp(se). The colors merge to White Lanterns/Staves, merging the emotions (life forces) to fight the blackness (death).
Crisis: If DC reboots to right after the original Crisis, what's the one story you'd be most sorry to have disappear from continuity?
Not the life histories of the Challengers of the Unknown, that's for sure.
Brady Bunch: Carol was involved in charities and community organizations. Unfortunately, her husband's vast wealth was tied up in a trust fund. Her plan to murder him for his money backfired, so she resorted to embezzlement.
ReplyDeleteFlash: Orange represents greed, right? I'd say none of them, then. Most of the Rogues had a different motivation than greed for being rogues; most of them for the sheer pleasure of trying to outwit the Flash, Rainbow Raider to overcome feelings of inadequacy, Abra Kadabra for the acclaim, Gorilla Grodd for lust of power. Well, I guess Captain Boomerang was fairly greed-motivated, after all.
ReplyDeleteI have a better Brady Bunch question for you. If Mike was such a good architect, why did he have six kids sharing one bathroom?!?
If Grant Morrison was to have his way, I suspect that Chris would be the "Superman Secundus" prophesized in DC One Million.
ReplyDeleteCarole, I suspect, ran a discreet "discipline" service for people in her city with specialized erotic needs.
Since Trickster is dead, I'm putting my money down on either Captain Cold or Mirror Master, leaning towards the latter.
By the by, I've heard people say that the root of the Black Lanterns will be the Empire of Tears. Any takers on that?
One story I'd miss... The Archer's Quest, or perhaps JLA/Avengers.
"I have a better Brady Bunch question for you. If Mike was such a good architect, why did he have six kids sharing one bathroom?!?"
ReplyDeleteBecause he's that good of an architect. Most architects know how to manage loads of steel and stone, but how many can manage the loads of their childrens' bowels and bladders? Yeah he's showing off, but god damn.
The Brady Bunch: If Alice the Anachronistically Live-In Maid does the cooking and cleaning, just what the heck does Carole do with her day?
ReplyDeleteWell, Alice had been in Mr. Brady's employ long before Carol came along, so I'm sure her continued employment can be explained in one of two ways. Either the Bradys felt pity on someone otherwise unemployable; or else Alice was blackmailing Mr. Brady, possibly with the pictures she found from his "scoutmaster" days.
The Brady Bunch: If Alice the Anachronistically Live-In Maid does the cooking and cleaning, just what the heck does Carole do with her day?
ReplyDeleteWell, Alice had been in Mr. Brady's employ long before Carol came along, so I'm sure her continued employment can be explained in one of two ways. Either the Bradys felt pity on someone otherwise unemployable; or else Alice was blackmailing Mr. Brady, possibly with the pictures she found from his "scoutmaster" days.
Flash: as things are now? I've no clue, however, with the classic Rogue lineup, the natural choice would be Piper. The essence of avarice is that you desire things that you don't need and can't use... Pied Piper was already a trust fund baby who stole things more or less for fun. However, now he's good and socialist, so... Boomerang?
ReplyDeleteCrisis: do we have to pick just one? I'd say "the killing joke," Because as much as i'd love to see Babs back in the Batsuit, I'd really miss the "oracle" in all that. I'd also miss all of Young Justice, It is pie good.
Actually, in one story, it was said that Piper turned over all his stolen loot to his wealthy parents, spitting in their faces by "paying back" every dollar they had ever spent on him.
ReplyDelete"Spinner rules."
ReplyDeleteHe does indeed.