SWORD OF THE ATOM Week!

If there is a more severe on-line critic of the Sword of Atlantis folly than I, I have not encountered him or her.

But, as I have probably mentioned before, perhaps the saddest thing about this folly is that it's not unprecedented. A similar (but better) attempt to shift a superhero into the sword and sorcery genre was made in 1983: the Sword of the Atom.

Of course, Sword of the Atom wasn't nearly as a bad as Sword of Atlantis, for several reasons. One, things happened in it. Two, it had some nice characterization going on. Three, the hero is actually quite impressive in it. Four, the Atom was in it, not a faux Atom replacing him.

I've heard differing accounts of whether Gil Kane and Jan Strnad pitched the story to DC or whether DC solicited Kane to draw the Atom and one of his conditions was the shift in genre.

In either case, Kane was well-prepared. Gil Kane had done an award-winning "sword epic": Blackmark, now credited as the first graphic novel (although the term had not yet been coined when the book was published in 1971).

Gil Kane was a versatile visual storyteller, a conscientious professional,
a respected spokesman for the industry...

and a tall, dark, sleepy-eyed, Eastern European man-babe!

So the Sword of the Atom mini-series has all sorts of strange and terrifying things: angry reptiles, scantily clad alien princesses, domesticated frogs, burly half-naked warrior men, and hordes of carnivorous mice.

But none so strange and terrifying as...

JEAN LORING

Yes, Jean Loring had always been kind of crazy. After all, that's one of the messages of the Silver Age: "women who put their careers ahead of marriage or man-hunting must be crazy." But it wasn't really until the Bronze Age that Jean Loring became crazy-mean.

Despite the fact that the story takes place primarily in the Amazon jungle, Jean gets more face-time in Sword of the Atom than she had seen in years. Speaking of Jean...


Proof, if proof were needed, that Jean Loring has always been evil or insane, or both:

It's horrible enough that she forced her bridesmaids to wear those... those... outfits. But when you realize that's Supergirl, Hawkwoman, Wonder Woman, and Black Canary, as almost as if you're watching Hostel 3: the Makeover. Even at this poor resolution, their faces tell their stories:

Supergirl's thinking, "Cool, now I can wear this outfit again to whatever my job is next issue!" As we know, Supergirl will wear anything.

Hawkwoman's planning on using the hat for target practice.

Wonder Woman's used to looking frumpy as Diana Prince, but she looks so sad: "When will I get to march down the aisle. March, march, march!"

Sex-kitten Black Canary is utterly mortified to be dressed as a Stepford Wife: "I will never ever get married to a creepy macho putz like my mother did."

Also of note: Hal Jordan is there but couldn't be bothered to wear a tie, opting instead for a cheesy love necklace, hoping to score with one of the friends of the bride. Swinger Aquaman seems to have brought his wife Mera and his boyfriend. Oh, and when the Phantom Stranger is at your wedding it means one of two things: either you are really really cool or your marriage is not going to turn out well.