1. Jimmy Olsen in a dress.
2. A Day in the Life of Halo.
3. The Spectre and the Phantom Stranger watching the corpse of Orca the Whalewoman rot, with dialog by Brian Michael Bendis.
4. A reunion of all the characters from Bloodlines.
5. The History of Ill-Conceived Characters Created When Editors Were Sleeping, starring Donna Troy.
6. Proty's Penthouse Party.
7. Week after week of Alfred silently polishing the silver at Wayne Manor and dusting the Batcave.
8. Prose-only Lobo/Major Force slash fiction.
9. Gypsy getting a pedicure and foot massage.
10. Reprints of every time the Red Tornado has blown up.
And you....?
1. A DC version of Marvel's popular "What If?" called "Wouldn't It Have Been Stupid If We Had...."
ReplyDelete2. A competition in which c-level superheroes were teamed up with professional ballroom dancers and we could vote to see who was the best.
3. The introduction of a new mysterious supernatural character with the strange ability to set up any two superheroes on a blind date. In her first adventure she would match up Doll Man with Elasti-Girl.
4. Superheroic "Yo-Mama" contests.
5. Three words: Batwoman, Batwoman, Batwoman.
I'm sure I'm in the minority, but I actually appreciated 'The History of the DCU', although I can't really say I enjoyed it. I'm fairly new to comics (in particular the DCU) and I'm using 52 as a jumping off point. 'The History...' was an acceptable attempt to get new readers like me caught up on the complicated history of the universe.
ReplyDelete"1. A DC version of Marvel's popular "What If?" called "Wouldn't It Have Been Stupid If We Had...." "
ReplyDeleteHmm. I'm not certain I'd be able to distinguish that from "The History of the DCU".
Hey! I like Razorsharp and Gunfire!!! (so sue me).
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, I've just been skipping poor Donna's lesson in applied history. Just like I do most everything else where Donna shows up.
Have you sent her to Marvel yet?
"The Spectre and the Phantom Stranger watching the corpse of Orca the Whalewoman rot, with dialog by Brian Michael Bendis."
ReplyDeleteThis actually sounds fantastically entertaining to me. "A whale woman?" "A whale woman." "A whale woman?" "A whale woman." "Damn. Did you say a whale woman?" "What part of 'whale woman' don't you understand?" "The part that goes whale woman." "Did you say whale woman?"
It'd be like Waiting For Godot, only not good, and with the Spectre.
Extreme Justice.
ReplyDelete1- The new adventures of Judomaster and Tiger
ReplyDelete2-Azrael vs Doomsday: final showdown
3-Perry White getting superpowers
4-Mister E. 8-issue miniseries
5-Teenage Mutant Ninja Monkeys
6-The History of the DCU starring Terry Long
7-Lessons on how to perform the Cactus Mambo
8-Silver Surfer
9-Animated Jinx: the series
10-Naked Darkdeid
"The History of the DCU starring Terry Long"
ReplyDeleteWell, we've certainly found something WORSE than HofDCUsDT!
Asthur, I liked Sparx. We all have our cross to bear.
Oh and, Clark Kent, sans powers, sitting through a press conference on rebuilding Metropolis (again).
Or the History of the DCU starring Bizarro-Brainiac!
Brave & the Bold episode teaming up Batman with Sugar & Spike or Fox & the Crow. Written by Bob "Cool incarnate" Haney.
ReplyDeleteHard to beat option #3, but let's see...
ReplyDeleteCivil G'nort - Proposed legislation banning canine Green Lanterns divides Legion of Super-Pets. Nothing will ever be the same again ...
Pimp My Batmobile!
Sugar & Spike repeatedly kicking Dr. Light in the groin.
1. Snapper Carr's snazziest hook-ups!
ReplyDelete2. Just Imagine...Stan Lee creating the DCU...AGAIN!
3. Dr. Light's super-rape-a-poolaza summer special.
4. DC's Genesis
5. Phil Collins' Genesis
6. Robot Zombie Monkey Pirates vs. Godzilla. Actually, I might enjoy that one...
7. The Imprisoned Superboy Prime endlessly carving an "S" in his chest...in real time.
8. Gerry Conway's extensive notes on "fixing" the DCU.
9. Sword of Bludhaven.
10. THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwEk62HViIA
There's a lot of Hasselhof out there.
Scipio,
ReplyDeleteI have no doubt that this DCU with Donna Troy thing is Not Good.
But I have to ask how well you actually remember Bloodlines.
(Sugar and Spike kicking Dr. Light in the groin actually sounds very amusing ... but only for two or three issues.)
Rolling head of Pantha!
ReplyDeleteRolling head of Pantha!
Rolling head of Pantha!
Hoosier,
ReplyDeleteThe Bloodlines reunion would be hosted by Scourge.
I second Rolling Head of Pantha.
ReplyDelete(Although, my local shop owner & I actually can't hate it, because we've both seen how newer readers can use it for some quick catch-up without the pain of actually having to read "Zero Hour" and without someone like us spending hours explaining some of this stuff.)
Understood. But I thought the very point of "New Earth" was not having to know all that stuff; in fact, being able to forget it.
ReplyDeleteHaving the History of the DCU in the back of 52 feels like bringing your ex-wife along on your honeymoon.
See, I LOVED the idea of a History of the DCU. I just didn't like this execution of it, with Donna crying every time she's told someone she's never met died in an alternate reality and major moments just hinted at (and DC 1,000,000 mentioned at all).
ReplyDeleteI would have preferred a much more fourth wall shattering narrator (the Phantom Stranger or Mr. Mxyzptlk, or heck, Dan DiDio) just telling ME, the reader, what the heck happened to get from point a) the Big Bang, to point b) OYL, with hints of point c) 3006.
I mean, it's not like you need a four page recap of Zero Hour (why?) to enjoy an issue of JSA, but histories, like who's who's guides, can be fun ways of doing exposition outside of an actual story.
This just wasn't one.
I can see the point of wanting to set out in some comic, somewhere, what this year's "History of the DCU" is, but this feature doesn't really seem to be doing that, as much as it's told us what the histories used to be, and what moronic cosmic event overwrote that history for the next one--I can (mostly) remember those old histories, but I'm still not sure what the current history includes: Power Girl knows that she's the Earth-2 Supergirl, but does the general public on Earth know that there used to BE an Earth-2 (and is there another Earth-2 still out there, besides the one that used to be Earth-3?). We see in JLA #0 that most of the Silver & Bronze Age Wonder Woman history is back in place, but did her mother still have to travel back in time to join the JSA, or did she do it while she was living thru that era the first time, or did Diana join the JSA, either by time travelling or by starting her mission in 1942? And if all of WW's messy history is back, is Kate Kane the first Batwoman of the current history, or has she taken on the identity of her dead Aunt Kathy? And what happened to the Titans' future history that said that Bette Kane was going to become Batwoman (you'd think that Flamebird would grow up to be Nightwing...)???
ReplyDelete-Mindbender
Re: The Bloodlines Reunion
ReplyDeleteA two-sentence recap of such a thing would be highly amusing. (I hope you can accommodate me when it comes out.) But I truly never wish to see any of the Bloodlines characters again. Even to see them all killed by Scourge. (Unless it was drawn by Steve Ditko and written by Alan Moore. That would be neat.)
The Bloodlines characters make Justice League Detroit look like the Justice Society.
Where do I pick up my copy of
ReplyDeleteProty's Penthouse Party?
1) The Battle for Bludhaven Redux Xtreme: About six thousand superpowered figures all dress in black outfits and traipse around a dusty pile of rubble.
ReplyDelete2) Naked Detectives: Jason Bard, Ryan Choi and Ravager team up to fight crime and conveniently-placed objects.
3) The Story Of Donna Troy, Starring the DCU Universe: Heroes across the universe cry their hearts out as they see Donna suffer half-baked death after half-baked death.
4) Mr. A VS. Mr. E - Everyone's favorite Randist meets everyone's favorite Fundamentalist. Hilarity ensues!
5) Shadowpact - Actually, I wouldn't like that.
"3) The Story Of Donna Troy, Starring the DCU Universe: Heroes across the universe cry their hearts out as they see Donna suffer half-baked death after half-baked death."
ReplyDeleteI'd subscribe.
4) Mr. A VS. Mr. E - Everyone's favorite Randist meets everyone's favorite Fundamentalist. Hilarity ensues!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't mind seeing Ditko's the Question (the proto Randian) vs. O'Neil's the Question (zen Buddhist kung fu enthusiast) vs. Timm's the Question (creepy conspiracy theorist).
I mean, what is it with that character? It's like no one knows who he is so he's just this blank slate.
Oh.
What about the one from the 2005 Question miniseries?
ReplyDeleteHey now. As somebody who doesn't buy a lot of comics and hasn't read IC yet, I find it to be fairly useful. Granted, it would be a lot better if it just starred Harbinger's orb instead of Donna Troy, but it's still nice to know.
ReplyDeleteWhat about the one from the 2005 Question miniseries?
ReplyDeleteHaven't read it, but if it's Rick Veight, it's probably a trippy New Age Question likely to get his ass handed to him by the other three.
Not sure how the 52 Question fits in either, but he's GREAT!
and Mr Manatee, I agree the idea of a History of the DCU is great, especially for readers like you (WELCOME!), but the execution just, well sucked.