Superman actually has three weaknesses: magic, kryptonite, and back issues of Katy Keene.
Examining this closely, I finally realized that I briefly dated Vartox in 1983, when everyone still called him "Billy". Had to dump him, of course; he was hot, yes, even with the cheesy moustache, but there are a limited number of places you can take a man who insists on wearing yellow thigh huggers, a Fifth Dynasty loincloth, and a "The Ray"(tm) brand leather vest .... everywhere.
Oh, and Superman, sweetie -- you know you're in trouble when you're taking fashion advice from Billy Vartox. Even Lana Lang (not really known for high fashion sense or general intelligence) has the brains to realize she's got to return that hideous lime floor-length gown and has left it in the original packaging...
Holy crap - it's Sean Connery from Zardoz, and he's feeling up Superman! What mad world is this?
ReplyDeleteHeh --
ReplyDeletewelcome to the multiverse, my friend.
If I'm going to have a post about any particular Superman supporting character be dedicated to me, let that character be Vartox. Fan-tastic. Thanks, Scipio!
ReplyDeleteHideous? I don't know about that. I've always been a sucker for a redhead in a lime-green dress.
ReplyDeleteWhat truly amazes me about Vartox is the idea that someone at DC saw "ZardoZ" back in the 70s and thought "hey that's a GREAT look!"
ReplyDeleteI mean have you people SEEN "ZardoZ"?!
Anonymous, I saw Zardoz, bought the DVD and listened to the commentary. Connery's best work, period - well, that or "The Man Who Would Be King." Who can fight the red loincloth and ponytail?
ReplyDeleteEven Lana knew how hideous that dress is; she couldn't even find shoes that matched it. (What, no Payless in Metropolis?)
ReplyDeleteGarrr...must...have...context!!
ReplyDelete