Tuesday, May 15, 2012

At room temp'rature

If you are familiar at all with those wacky creations of DC's late Silver Age, the Metal Men, then you've probably seem them do their standard "introposition" spiels. 


Whenever you see them do this (they do it in almost every story), you barely pay attention because it's become so formulaic.  Particularly Mercury's "did I ever mention that Mercury is the only metal etc." routine.

So would you notice if it were...

a haiku?


I'M MERCURY THE
ONLY METAL THAT'S LIQUID
AT ROOM TEMPERATURE.


I'm assuming Mercury pronounces "temperature" with only three syllables, because, well, that's how everyone pronounces it.

We all know Mercury's the snooty one, but don't the other Metal Men deserve their own haikus?  Can you write them each their own haikus of self-introduction?

7 comments:

  1. So many haikus, so little time:

    Doctor Will Magnus
    Makes men of metal
    The guy is insane.

    Poor Platinum 'bot
    Full of unrequited love
    Doc thinks she's broken.

    T- T- T- T- Tin
    Can't get out a w- w- word
    This is too easy.

    Hi folks, I am Gold.
    I'm really arrogant, too.
    'Cause I'm so pretty.

    I am Mercury
    Forget the liquid metal
    Doc makes me melt, too.

    Iron is probably
    The most useful Metal Man
    Give him his own book.

    I'm Lead, I told you.
    A shield against harmful rays
    Or a paperweight.

    Whew! I'm haiku'ed out.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What if... the Metal
    Men got a new D.C. book?
    Eight issues and done.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You're too good for Doc.
    I'll always love you, Tina!
    Clank away with me!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Warning: The following contains inapproriate use of the haiku form and foul language.

    Iron here. Just think
    how I'd look if I'd been drawn
    by Tom of Finland.

    It's me, Mercury,
    Voted most likely to be
    kicked off the island.

    Yeah, I'm Lead. So what?
    Give me any crap, I'll pull
    a Mon-El on you.

    I'm Gold -- by my own
    admission I'm just looking
    to get pounded hard.

    I'm T-T-Ti-T-
    T-T-T-Ti-T-T-T-
    T-Ti--oh, f**k it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yeah, honestly, I always kind of wondered about Iron and Gold. You know, in their private time...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Tin:
    Although I am weak
    My stutter makes haikus easy
    See what I M-mean?

    Lead:
    Industry? Iron.
    Lovers? Misers? Gold.
    Poison? Bullets? Me.

    Mercury:
    I'm Mercury, and
    None need know I used to make
    Cats dance in Japan

    Gold:
    For the last time, NO!
    You may NOT purchase my toe,
    Libertarians!

    Iron:
    Hmmm...Perhaps I should!
    It works for Doc Manhattan...
    Go! Pantsless Iron!

    Platinum:
    Afterthought girlfriend
    Bottle-blonde, credit-card name
    Think a male wrote me?

    ReplyDelete
  7. "Your search for a heart
    of gold is at an end... your
    golden boy is here!"

    "Get pumped up for a
    real iron man, 'cause I rule
    with an iron fist!"

    "Get the lead out, or
    you'll feel the full weight of lead
    coming down on you!"

    "With boundless liquid
    courage, Mercury rises
    to the occasion!"

    "Don't call me tin man,
    my friend! I'll put the fear of
    this tin god in you!"

    ReplyDelete