Tuesday, November 08, 2005

One-Horned Haiku


Oh, dear; oh, my.



Ever since her creation by Marston, Wonder Woman has been bursting with symbolism. Well, this scene is a perfect example! Here, artistic license has even been taken with the unicorn's horn: instead of being a sharp spiraled cone with an icicle-like appearance, it's a thick shaft with a tapering head, kind of like a ... a rocket. Yes, it doesn't take a exegetical genius to see what that horn symbolizes:

the writer's pen.

You can feel the writer's struggle here. His metaphorical pen (as represented by the unicorn's horn) stabs toward haiku, poking at the muse of poetry (here personified by Wonder Woman), but missing every time, as the correct meter dodges, avoids, and evades him.

Then Wonder Woman cruelly laughs at his powerless projectile of poetry. "Hola!" she interjects meaninglessly. "You can't capture Wonder Woman with the paltry syllabification of a haiku! It requires pages and pages of paragraph after paragraph of wordy narration boxes: just ask George Perez or Phil Jimenez!"

Sadly, there's no way to parse this sequence's narration into a haiku, although it's so desperately needed to capture the moment!


Can you help out the writer by composing an appropriate haiku about Wonder Woman's successful evasion of the thrusting horn?

14 comments:

  1. Suffering Sappho!
    Where are your manners you cad?
    Buy me a drink first!

    What?! You're hard again?
    Take less Viagra next time.
    I can barely walk!

    Hot damn Diana!
    I have never had such great
    Foreplay in my life!

    ReplyDelete
  2. The monoceros
    Prefers virgins, so they say
    But this cliff will do

    ReplyDelete
  3. She coyly dodges
    the unicorn's thrusting horn
    Great Hera, indeed

    ReplyDelete
  4. I don't understand
    Such Freudian comic books.
    Why are you laughing?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank Hera! I've made
    The unicorn capture it-
    self! Thud! (Thud echoes)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Giant phalluses,
    Furry rape attacks, bondage
    fantasies, lassos.

    Marston must have been
    First to write Wonder Woman
    erotic fanfic.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I don't get it, man.

    This crazy haiku lovefest.

    It just hurts my head.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well that's a surprise.
    Apparently Diana
    is NOT a Size Queen.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Like a Minature Matador
    The Daring Amazon skirts
    Horny Impalement

    With Uncanny Speed
    She leaps out of the way as
    The Horn Penetrates.

    (A Unicorn will
    Do a Hole in the Wall, and
    Can Make it's own Hole.)

    ReplyDelete
  10. So many poems
    So few actual haikus
    Lines must stand alone

    ReplyDelete
  11. This Wonder Woman #151 cover is kinda Haiku-ey

    http://www.comics.org/graphics/covers/277/400/277_4_151.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  12. First from behind me!
    Then, it's coming towards my face!
    Climactic thrust! THUD!

    By Hera, that's it?
    The unicorn stopped, tired.
    I crave more battle!

    ReplyDelete
  13. "This Wonder Woman #151 cover is kinda Haiku-ey: http://www.comics.org/graphics/covers/277/400/277_4_151.jpg"

    Wondy One-Five-One:
    This was Wonder Girl's first tale?
    She didn't exist!

    ReplyDelete
  14. He thrusts it, she ducks
    Di: thank the gods you haven't
    been penetrated.

    ReplyDelete